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My boyfriend doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore...


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Old 13th February 2006, 10:38 AM   #1
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Red face My boyfriend doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore...

hey guys...i have a big problem and i could use some helpful hints or advice....here it goes...

i have been dating this guy for about 6 months now and we have never had a problem sexually...the past few days he has been very distant *in the bedroom* he isn't in the mood anymore...i asked him if it was me or something i did...but he said it isnt...then today i found out he isn't sexually attracted to me...he wrote an e-mail to one of his friends (who is also my friend) explaining it to him...he showed it to me....

e-mail from boyfriend...

"...She just doesn't turn me on anymore (at all)

and she's adorable and i love her to death but it's not there sexually anymore in any way. I was looking at her while we were doing the grown up dance and i just couldn't even get into it...i was almost disgusted.

wtf can i do?

i hate life"

.................................................. ...............................................

any advice?
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Old 13th February 2006, 10:50 AM   #2
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It sounds like the problem may lie within him if neither of you have changed.....or maybe he's bored with the same ole' same ole' type of routine...........

have you tried spicing up your sex life? Do a strip tease for him, experiment with different positions, role play, umm....I'm sure they're more ideas out there that could introduce sensuality back into your love life.

You say "I hate life" or was that him speaking still? If it's you then you can't base your life/feelings/self esteem based on short-comings in your love-life and/or relationship. Basing your happiness on this is very self destructive.

If it's him then it clearly states that there is something deeper going on inside him that very likely has nothing to do with you.
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Old 13th February 2006, 10:56 AM   #3
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Honestly, hon, this is his problem and not yours. I don't think you should kill yourself changing, whatever is wrong is something with HIM, not with you. I definitely don't advise trying to turn him on, because this probably is more emotional than physical for him and will likely just make it worse, I don't want you to get your feelings hurt any more than you already have. I think you should sit down with him and be honest. It will be awkward to tell him how you found out about it, but you're going to break up anyway. Just tell him you're sorry he feels this way but it's making you feel bad about yourself. You deserve better than this. He needs to get out of your life and let you find the kind of love you deserve.
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Old 13th February 2006, 11:06 AM   #4
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he wrote the "i hate life"....thank you for your advice

luff
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Old 13th February 2006, 11:23 AM   #5
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Okay so I would have to agree that it's "his" problem..obviously it's something going wrong inside himself.


Is it possible he could be confused about his sexuality? I clearly am just taking shots in the dark here but that could be one reason.
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Old 13th February 2006, 11:27 AM   #6
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I think you have to seriously consider that this could be the precursor to him ending the relationship. Maybe even he doesn't quite realise that himself right now. It's almost like a physical manifestation of that old chestnut - "I love you, I'm just not IN love with you."
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Old 13th February 2006, 11:33 AM   #7
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so should i try and talk to him about it?

...should i spice things up in the bedroom? i am nervous about being "shot down" (if you will)
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Old 13th February 2006, 2:41 PM   #8
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From reading his email I have a feeling there is no chance to revive the sex life with a simple strip tease. Since it is not a LTR and you guys don't have a ton of emotional investment in each other it is probably not worth going to counseling for. Better to just be up front that you know about it and that you are ready to move on.
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Old 13th February 2006, 2:52 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heather2006
so should i try and talk to him about it?

...should i spice things up in the bedroom? i am nervous about being "shot down" (if you will)
Had my g/f told me she was almost "disgusted" I would have launched her out of my life. That's the meanest thing you can say about anyone.

I'd take some time away from him and reconsider staying with him.
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Old 13th February 2006, 3:26 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliGuy
Had my g/f told me she was almost "disgusted" I would have launched her out of my life. That's the meanest thing you can say about anyone.
i agree. maybe he really did feel that way, as he is unfortunately entitled beause he is human, but to say it to someone else? that's humiliating. he wasn't expecting you to see it...though i doubt that makes you feel any better.

if anything, the disgust was probably really for himself, because he was having sex when he totally wasn't into it, and that can make someone feel dirty. he projected that on you because it's always easier to blame someone else for how we feel, when really, sometimes it just happens.

in any case, drop him like he's hot.
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Old 13th February 2006, 5:13 PM   #11
 
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I don't know about dumping right away...

Barby maybe right about the regular routine.

Now the interesting parts:

adult dance sounds young? Well if under 21 then well I would have to say it is a good idea to move on.

6 months is not a long time either, not alot of emotional attachment or things moved into each other's areas. Did you two move in together?
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Old 13th February 2006, 5:24 PM   #12
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i am 21 and yes 6 months isn't a long time...we are practically living together....do you think i should try and talk to him about it? (not bringing up the email of course) we have such a great connection and i love being around and with him, so i really don't want to just drop him...if it comes to that i'll deal with it...but i want to at least try and give a little effort to this relationship..ya know
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Old 13th February 2006, 6:22 PM   #13
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Sounds like he wants to give you the heave-ho!
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Old 13th February 2006, 11:27 PM   #14
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I'd say spice it up but in truth he sounds like he has decided it's over for him. By doing that you'll probably just end up hurting yourself. Accept it and move on. Don't let his feelings project on your self worth either. Sorry but he doesn't sound worth much.
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Old 13th February 2006, 11:35 PM   #15
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Sorry but if I guy ever said something like that to me, I would be showing him the door.

I think you should call his bluff here and back way off. Don't spend every day with him anymore. It shows you have self respect.

I know you care about him but think about it as would you really want to be with someone who isn't enthused about you sexually?
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