goodnight kisses

[smile]

Ok so this guy I have been seeing has asked to step back a bit. He hasn't been in a relationship in 5 years and that was in high school. So he was freaked out by our instant connection.

 

He wants me but feels guilty about it. So we stepped it back. But he keeps kissing me and cuddling with me, and when we did have sex he went on and on about how we should try not to do that again.

 

I am so confused and he says he is too .I believe that. But finally today I sent him an email and asked where I stand. Why didn't I say it in person? I can't. I look at him and just want to enjoy his being there and then when he leaves I feel like a putz for not asking.

 

I just want to know if we are really working on being together or not. He says he doesnt want to stop seeing me. Does that mean something? Seeing me?

 

When he came over the other day he mentioned how proud he was that he stayed off my bed. But he hugged me a lot and held my face in his hands a lot. He kept telling me how adorable I am and just had this goofy cheesy giddy smile all night.

 

I did tell him that I was embarassed by the fact that him having sex with me made me feel special (you know to him). And he hugged me and smiled really big and just said "thats so adorable". And he held me for a long time.

 

I walked him to his car and he kissed me goodbye twice. It seems that he wants to be with me , but he doesn't want to want to be with me. Guys help me out here... what do you think my chances are?

[whichwayisup]

Give him time. It's obvious that you two are feeling the same connection, and he has told you that he's abit freaked out by it. Probably because he feels it very intensely and may not be ready to handle those feelings. Just take it slow. Enjoy eachothers company! GO out more and have fun. Shoot pool, play darts, see movies. Go bowling! Try to stay away from being inside alone with him as that could lead to the bedroom...

 

See, if he is also feeling so much, he's scared too. Could be because of his past relationship and waiting so long to be with someone else in a serious way. Keep talking to him, if you're feeling more comfy talking through emails, then do that...But sooner or later it will be better to talk face to face. Don't rush it though and don't bring it up alot. He is male and men tend to not wanna talk about touchy feely things too much. Gotta pick your moment, the right time and once it's talked about, try to steer away from it for a while. Hope that makes sense.

 

HE is into you, so don't worry about that!

[smile]

Well you see I have never FULLY brought it up.Only halfway a zillion times, then I'd take it back. And Thursday night I told him I was ok with just enjoying everything as it comes.. and that is so true.

 

But he had this friend who was pissed off when we started hanging out and confessed her feelings to him. He said he didnt like her that way, she was too young blah blah blah, but maybe in coupla years he could see them together.( I have noticed guys say things about other girls a lot when they first start seeing someone.. things they either dont remember they said or regret saying) The I found out that he used to stay the night at her house (never any sex, always slept on the floor) and even used to kiss her goodbye.

 

So today in my msg I asked if he felt the same for me that he did for her? And were we both on that "maybe later" shelf. But I also said that I know he has tons of girl friends and if he says its innocent i would believe him bc I have mostly guy friends and we are really close.

 

This last wed this guy that likes me met my friends and I for a drink. It wasnt a date and I dont like him back but my friends made a comment about this guy I am seeing finding out. It didnt seem like a big deal to me but then I wondered if I should be dating... or if he is dating other girls. And so i asked that too.

 

I also said he didnt have to answer right away. I know he is confused and if he doesnt know how he feels exactly then thats ok too. I just want honesty bc having unanswered questions is no way to strengthen ANY kind of relationship.

 

Did I blow it?

[whichwayisup]

Not knowing for sure is worse, definately because you never know where exactly you stand with him. He has shown you interest, yet has mentioned someone else liking him and maybe could see himself with her...That isn't nice of him to say, unless it was to put you off. Or make you slow down on a future relationship with him.

 

I would back off abit, let him call you and take intiative of what happens next.

 

I do know that if you feel that connection with him, chances are he feels it too, so time will tell...

 

Don't think you blew it, but you definately have shown him that you're not going to be strung along by him. He has to be honest and talk to you, respect you enough so if he isn't interested in anything serious now or ever, then you atleast will know and be able to deal with it.

[smile]

thanks. I have been home sick all day and I am begining to feel a bit stir crazy. Wondering and worrying too too much. So thanks for making me feel like I am not crazy.

 

As far as mentioning the girl thing goes. It happened like the 2nd night we hung out 2 months ago. It was as she was crying and calling every 5 minutes just creating such chaos bc she wanted to be with him. He explained to me how everyone was telling him that he was leading her on by being so nice and wanting to hang out with her.

 

He said he told her maybe in a coupla years when she was older or whatever. But then he met me and he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. And, in fact, most of their friends were pissed off bc he was dating me and not her.

 

I won't make him choose over his friend and me. I would never do that. I just need to know where I stand.

 

Thanks again./

[smile]

Ok so we had the talk. It was nice to get it all out on the table. He says he kisses hello with a lot of friends and when he was specific about our kiss is bc he didnt want me to see him kiss his friends the same way and then think I didnt like him or something. He didnt know how to ask to make it "special". So now we have developed a 'secret handshake' kinda kiss. Its sweet. And special and just ours.

 

Umm as far as the other girl goes, he says that he has always been a cuddler and that he doesnt really do it anymore. Not since he has been seeing me. But we are just friends so our cuddling should be minimized to avoid the unplanned sex thing. But he says the main difference is whenever he hold me or cuddles with me he is so attracted to me that he isn't sure he can stick to his need to take it slow.

 

Like last night. I stopped and we talked about it and we still had sex. It's not weird and crazy anymore and we have established that we like eachother and dont want the other person to see anyone else. We also want to try and take it slow. We know where we are going and where we've been so the occasional slip up is accepted, we are just going to try to stay out of my room together late at night alone.

 

As it stands we have plans to hang out with other people in the next two weeks. I feel so much better about everything. He was so sweet and understanding. So supportive about my needing to talk about it and clarify everything.

 

I am going to do the best I can not to mess this up. So thanks for all your help.