LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Being nice, funny, till don't work! Maybe a horrible guy she will fall for!


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Old 30th December 2005, 9:59 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 502
Being nice, funny, till don't work! Maybe a horrible guy she will fall for!

Hi all
It's not good to be a nice guy, someone who cares & is there for a perspective partner! Ok a doormat is sad!, but someone who is caring, loyal, funny, strong (in certain ways), sexualy competent, but never the less an emotional guy, isn't good!
The girl i like a lot, thinks i''m soft! Emotionaly different to her!
I'm funny, & make her laugh. I am caring & adhere to her moods as she's passionate European & moody & me too!
I try to be helpful, but it's taken as if i'm too caring! & constrictive, i just try my best, as i love being with her! When she's in a mood i'm there, & when i want to see her & do my best i get ****!
I today was avoidant, didn't hold her hand, waited for her to hold mine!, but in end i gave in!
She kisses me, huggs me, treats me like aproper bf!, but i'm so confused
I'm outrageous sometimes, outgoing, like lots of stuff, i just don't get it!
I maybe should be a sh*it & see how that works!
Am i too nice,i haven't it in me to be bad!
cg
__________________
A LIGHT THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT, BURNS HALF AS LONG!
caring guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 10:45 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Yamaha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,913
She takes you for granted. You don't have to be a sh*t but don't let her think she is your world. Everyone will take advantage of someone who lets them. Get your own life and when she sees you are not at her beck and call she will act like a g/f.
Yamaha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 11:06 PM   #3
Established Member
 
clandestinidad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Riiiight here
Posts: 1,217
Quote:
Maybe a horrible guy she will fall for!
maybe, Yoda....may-be.......sorry j/k

Really though, dont change those great qualities about yourself that she didnt appreciate. You will make a better, worth-while woman very very happy!!! And you will learn how to balance your closeness and distance, so that you dont push someone. Dont worry...it will come

Last edited by clandestinidad; 30th December 2005 at 11:10 PM..
clandestinidad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2005, 11:25 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Lifestream's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 65
Maybe if we replaced "caring" with "insecure?"
Lifestream is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2005, 12:19 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,548
Quote:
I today was avoidant, didn't hold her hand, waited for her to hold mine!, but in end i gave in!
Why? I'd like to know. You waited for her to hold your hand, why didn't you wait or just not hold hands that day?

She's feeling smothered abit. Back off slightly, meaning don't be a puppydog around her. Be yourself, just relax and know that you two are a couple. You don't have to be all over her ALL the time. Let her come to you, kiss you and grab your hand, don't be so quick to do that, k.

Here's an idea. Make plans with some buddies. Then if she says let's get together you tell her, sorry, another night I'm getting together with X, Y and Z tonight. See how she reacts to that.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2005, 10:41 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,472
Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
I maybe should be a sh*it & see how that works!
Am i too nice,i haven't it in me to be bad!
cg
Maybe you should just be true to who you really are, instead of constantly trying to win this girl's approval.
lindya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2005, 10:58 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,674
Reading your post alone makes me think of a hysterical hen. No wonder she feels smothered, you are hypernervous and supereager to please her. I do not see any kind of caring in your post, instead I see a guy lamenting his plight as a caring guy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
I am caring & adhere to her moods as she's passionate European & moody & me too!
Yeah, we from the continent are like this.

I don't think that adhering to someone's moods would be a good proof that you are independent and have self-confidence, sorry to say this... Your picture of yourself as a sensitive yet strong guy is somewhat screwed.
loony is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2005, 11:27 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 502
She does come to me, she does instigate touching, hand holding etc.
I do hold back a lot, maybe you think i'm a lapdog, & always begging & groverling, but not true!

I'm being myself & not trying, i am a helpful guy that is there for some her! I make her laugh, & don't give the impression i'm at her beck & call!

Holding hands, naturally happens, when hands accidentaly touch, i don't grab her purposefully!
I do take stuff more seriously & like to know where i am, she just wants to have fun & thinks having sex, kissing etc is part of that, just to me thats part of a relationship!
caring guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2005, 12:50 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,472
Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
She does come to me, she does instigate touching, hand holding etc.
I do hold back a lot, maybe you think i'm a lapdog, & always begging & groverling, but not true!

I'm being myself & not trying, i am a helpful guy that is there for some her! I make her laugh, & don't give the impression i'm at her beck & call!

Holding hands, naturally happens, when hands accidentaly touch, i don't grab her purposefully!
I do take stuff more seriously & like to know where i am, she just wants to have fun & thinks having sex, kissing etc is part of that, just to me thats part of a relationship!

I think it was your apparent concern about this

Quote:
The girl i like a lot, thinks i''m soft! Emotionaly different to her!
that I noticed. What does "being soft" mean? Is the fact that you're emotionally different to her a problem to either of you?

By being true to yourself, I mean that you know your own code of ethics, and behave in accordance with that code.

If you're "soft" because you're afraid of conflict and always try to avoid it, or because you're insecure and constantly seeking other people's approval, then obviously that's something you might want to address. From what you've said, however, that's not the case.

Maybe you just have a "helpful" temperament. Let's say someone drops a pile of books on the ground. Some people may instinctively stop to help pick the books up, whilst others keep walking. Different temperaments - that's all. A - the helper, may decide that B, the non-helper, is selfish and inconsiderate. B might feel that A is a sap. Both views would probably just reflect mutual lack of understanding. After all, it's probably not a major inconvenience for anyone to stop and help - but neither is it a heinous crime to not stop and help.

I think the more you accept your temperament and feel confident about your personal code of ethics, the more your gf will respect you. People are often more inclined to go on the attack more when they sense that a person is confused about who they are or who they want to be.
lindya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2005, 5:37 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 502
Being soft i meant that i'm emotional & if someone i fall for doesnt feel the same, i cry & get upset! Is this normal!
I am caring & will do anything for the girl i want to be with, this may result in her feeling that i'm needy & she has me under the thumb!
She gets grumpy, changes her mind & i'm accepting of this & it kills me, i like her a lot, feel i love her, but she changes her mind & i don't know wether it's me or if her reasons are real!
I'm stressed to the max about wether she'll turn up for our day on Tuesday when i need her, i've booked a nice day, restaurant etc & as she's done before, wether actually ill or not, let me down.
If it was the other way around, it would take death or a bad injury to stop me going ahead with what i planned & said i'd do!
I hate this, but love her.
caring guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2005, 5:43 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Nicholas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 609
It's not good to be a nice guy, someone who cares & is there for a perspective partner!

Actually, it is. It will make someone who wants you appreciate you more.

It will not, unfortunately, make someone who doesn't want you want you. It just doesn't work that way.

The thing about these "nice guys" that isn't so nice is that they're hung up on the fact that they can't control people. Their niceness is really just a function of their insecurity, and it quicky disintegrates the moment things don't go their way.
__________________
My signature was flagged for being too long, and I don't have anything shorter to say.
Nicholas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2006, 2:11 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Weye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 78
Unhappy

Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
Being soft i meant that i'm emotional & if someone i fall for doesnt feel the same, i cry & get upset! Is this normal!
Of course its only natural for a guy to be hurt and upset when the woman he is passionate for doesn't share the same feelings. But when he is sitting in front of her with tears running down his cheeks because of it, its going to be a MAJOR TURN-OFF!

Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
I am caring & will do anything for the girl i want to be with, this may result in her feeling that i'm needy & she has me under the thumb!
It does. Realize this, and change.

Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
She gets grumpy, changes her mind & i'm accepting of this & it kills me, i like her a lot, feel i love her, but she changes her mind & i don't know wether it's me or if her reasons are real!
It doesn't matter. If she's changed her mind then she's changed her mind and you'd be best off just accepting that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
I'm stressed to the max about wether she'll turn up for our day on Tuesday when i need her, i've booked a nice day, restaurant etc & as she's done before, wether actually ill or not, let me down.
So you're saying that she's stood you up before? You've made plans with her, and she 'forgot' to show up, or cancled them at the last minute? Its understandable for her to do this if something serious comes up. But if this is a pattern, someting that she's done more than on just a couple of rare occasions and without a legitimate reason, then it sounds like she doesn't respect you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by caring guy
If it was the other way around, it would take death or a bad injury to stop me going ahead with what i planned & said i'd do!
I hate this, but love her.
And she wouldn't do the same for you? That is one-sided love. It sounds like you're being taken for granted. Don't be so needy. How about this? If you've arranged a date with her, made reservations and all, and she doesn't show up, break up with her. Don't call her before hand and threaten her with separation, just do it.

Last edited by Weye; 1st January 2006 at 2:14 AM..
Weye is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
cocky and funny...how does it work? uongy Dating 4 7th February 2005 5:54 PM
work with my ex and can not escape the loop that i am caught in, advice would be nice Euphoria Coping 3 8th May 2004 12:26 PM
Dumping Them But Not Making It Final...nice To Have Someone To Fall Back On? Odradek Breaks and Breaking Up 3 6th April 2004 3:24 PM
Tell your funny/horrible wedding stories here..... red-rose-in-winter Getting Married 9 7th November 2003 11:38 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:37 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.