To Tell Her or Not To Tell Her - Thoughts?

[Grrr]

Ok, here's a tough one. I know a girl I met through work and we've been talking online for almost every day for 9 months now (she lives in another state). I've kept it platonic because she has a boyfriend and I don't want to be a dick and break them up. Anyway, they've been having a lot of problems and keep breaking up/getting back together. He comes back into town next week she's going to have the final "put up or break up" talk with him.

 

She and I are pretty close now, friends wise. She knows I like her in a romantic sense, but we've never really talked about it because of him. I really want to tell her, but I don't know if I should do it before they talk or wait to see the outcome.

 

Anyone have any thoughts?

[mrB2006]

Grr,

If you trust that this girl will not laugh or mock you then it may be worth a try. Now be prepared to be shot down. Your situation reminds me a little of the situation I was in. I was really good friends with this girl. I thought that she was giving good signals. However, she would tend to bring up her exes. And I was lacking confidence in approaching her with the 'more than friends' stuff. After telling her about my feelings towards her, I felt some relief. However, I probably will never be more than friends.

 

Just be prepared. If she really was your friend ,she would give you a truthful answer. (Also, common sense should tell you to ask her this FAR away from the boyfriend.)

 

I don't know what to tell you if she shoots you down....

 

mrB

[noclobber]

remember this golden rule -> if you are friends with a woman then you can never ever become her boyfriend!!

 

even if the female that u r talking about breaks up with her current BF there is 1% chance that she will agree to date you (if u ask her out that is). she is most likely to say "i like you only as a friend".

 

but if u do want to take chances, go ahead but remember the probablity that i have mentioned.

[LN8840K]

I have converted friend to girlfriend ......... it's a slippery slope and takes in most cases a LOT of time ....you must make the decision you want her and BE A MAN AND TAKE ACTION ...sitting around waiting for her to start the relationship in 98% of cases WILL NOT HAPPEN

 

Take charge and start moving the relationship where you want it to go ( about 60 % of the time thats why you get friendzoned in the first place afraid to make your interest known ) ...

 

start acting like a boyfriend and not just a guy friend

( you need to change her perception of you and by acting like you're her boyfriend it's easier for you to slide into the spot ....the hardest part, due to fear of rejection you must flirt with her and make your interest crystal clear, no flip flopping you must be very consistent and be careful not to make the mistake of overloading her with your declerations of love )

 

when you start crossing boundaries she will let you know you have gone too far

 

( stops answering calls and avoids you .... or informs you that you have no chance in hell to be anything more than a friend ..then you're toast ....she will notice your new attitude and if she dont want it she will let you know )

 

Not blowing you off or directly telling you to knock it off and chances are that your new attitude is not bothering her and thats a green to yellow light and you should keep going ....

 

It takes a lot of balls and more persistence than most people have to pull it off...don't make the mistake of thinking it's easy ...she may still mess with you as a test to see what you're made of ....you can't back down, you must be consistent with your intent and most importantly you must be willing to lose her friendship, it could make her very uncomfortable

 

some people claim it works to try and make your friend jealous, if she just happens to get jealous because she calls and another women is in the background thats cool ....any attempt to MAKE her jealous will backfire on you with disaterous results

 

 

Good Luck were counting on you.

[Weye]

I don't think you should express your romantic intentions to her.

 

Now I think you can pull this off. Actually, it happens alot more than people think. I've been able to do it more than once. I've known many couples who were friends first, before they became intimate.

 

Usually when this happens, it isn't because the guy built up his courage, and spilled his guts to her. When I ask how it started, I'm often told "e were alone one day and things just happened."

 

There are a couple of reasons why is doesn't happen the first way. When a guy is in the friendzone, and he lets a girl know his romantic interests, it comes to her as a shock. She doesn't know what to think of the situation or what to do about it, thus, she moves away. Girls don't like being put on the spot! They are notorious for avoiding decisions. Don't put her into a situation where she has to make a decision about you. It won't go your way, even if she does have some interest in you.

 

You're situation is different. You claim she knows that you are looking for more, and she is still your friend. That's a good sign. Make sure she suspects you are interested, but don't ever ever tell her. Flirt with her. Act like its a natural thing. See if she flirts back. Don't ever appear even the least bit needy (telling her would do that)--that's a sure way to kill off any chance you had.

 

Boyfriend? Makes no difference. He's not treating her well, and she probably ready to go anyway. Don't even make it a factor.

 

Things will have to "just happen" between you two. If she flirts back with you, or shows any sings of interest, find a reason to spend some time alone with her. Then find an excuse casually touch her hand...like its nothing, just hold on a little longer than you normally would. See how she reacts. If you get a green light, keep touching, a little more at a time. Pretty soon, things will "just happen".