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How often should he call?


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Old 10th August 2005, 1:30 PM   #1
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How often should he call?

Hi, I'm new here, and also new to the relationship.. Please give me some advice..

I just got out from a serious 5-year relationship, and met this new guy right after the break-up. I've seen this guy, Mr.X, for about a month now, but the relationship with him has progressed somehow very fast.. He asked me to be his girlfriend 3 weeks after we met -- too soon(?) He knew I'm just out from a serious long term relationship, and he had mentioned we should move slow.. He seems so very into me everytime we met, and went out. He treated me nice -- I think because we're still very new to each other. He loved to show me off to his friends, and liked to hear them say how pretty I am and stuff..

As for me, I'm only used to serious long-term relationships. I've only been in 2 relationships, first was 6 years, and second was 5 years.. No other boyfriends in between.. For that, I only am used to be closed to the boyfriend, and expect the same thing back. This dating game is very confusing to me...

Our last meeting was on last Sunday, and we talked on the phone on the next day (Monday), and on the phone, he asked when he could see me again -- I said Wednesday.. So he set up the dinner with me on Wednesday evening. But he did not call me on Tuesday, and with my pride, I didn't call him either -- I thought he would call if he miss me, but he didn't. So does this mean that he does not miss me??? Can I assume that he's not really that into me?

Question.., so how often should a guy -- a 2-week boyfriend guy -- call his girlfriend in the begining of their relationship?? I expect him to call me everyday, is this too much?

Please help.. All opinions are appreciated.

Thanks!
GirlInTheRedMustang.
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Old 10th August 2005, 1:47 PM   #2
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Re: How often should he call?

Quote:
Originally posted by GirlInTheRedMustang
I expect him to call me everyday, is this too much?

GirlInTheRedMustang.
Yes.

If you haven't been physically intimate, calling 1-2 times per week is enough.

If you have, bump it to 3.

Lastly, a girl who expects to get called probably won't...
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Old 10th August 2005, 2:48 PM   #3
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Well its true a girl who wants to be called probably wont be called. Unless you speak up. And then if they don't call still then he doesn't care that much.

I have to say I was in a very similar boat and still could be. I have been dating a guy I have been friends with for 2 years. But we have been dating for about 3 months now. At first he would call often not as much as I wanted. But often. I was wanting to see him more then he was asking and I wanted to talk to him more then he was calling. But you have to remember that not everyone moves at the same pace. But if he was calling you everyday and now isn't thats not a good sign. But could also mean nothing. You have to realize guys take one step forward and then two steps back. Sometimes they scare themselves. And sometimes they are affriad they are scaring you.

I had to talk to my guy. I had to let him know that not calling at all wasn't good. he went about two weeks just communicating with my by aim. I had enough I was like this isn't a relationship this is an affair. We hang out have a great time have sex. And then I barely hear from hin until he is ready to hang out again. Well I had to stop it. But at the same time I didn't want to go overboard and scare him away. So I just let him know that I wasn't that happy with not hearing from him. He said that I wasn't calling either. So it does go both ways. Call him. If he gives you attitude or some weird vibe don't call anymore. And go back to just doing your thing. See since you have gotten out of your relationship you are so use to have that serious long term feeling in a relationship. But this is brand new you have to take it slow. I believe you should. Especially with your situation.

After I talked to my guy he calls way more then he did. Sometimes we have talked three time a day. But you never know. Just have to live it day to day. But if you want too you can pick up the phone.

The Most Basic Law of Respect in Romance

Whoever is going the fastest must slow down and go as slow as the slowest one, or there can be no healthy progress. Breaking that law is called romantic-rape. The person doing it often calls the victim commitmentphobic. The consequences of breaking the law range from alienation to restraining orders.


Some other assorted laws....

The more friendship you give - the more romance you'll get.
The more romance you give - the more friendship you'll get.
The more certain you are - the less certain they become.
The less certain you are - the more certain they become.
The slower you go - the better it takes.



If romance is giving you more pain than pleasure for longer than a month, either you're doing something wrong or you're doing it with the wrong one. Change something now.
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Old 10th August 2005, 3:07 PM   #4
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Unsafe, that just confused me more than anything.

Mustang Girl, I think as long as you both call when you say you will then I wouldn't "expect" anything more. It's nice to get surprise phone calls of course, but the anticipation, while sometimes frustrating, should leave something to look forward to, not something to dread (ie....maybe he's not into me!!!)

My new guy said he'd call this morning. He didn't, but I know he is busy at work and had a golf date. I'm not going to obsess about it either. I am kind of glad he didn't call because I am starting to get to that worried stage where things may be moving too fast.

I'm one of those people who always lets the other one know when I'm available and what I have scheduled and leaving no space for mystery! I wish I could but it's just not me, especially if I really like the guy and want to be with him.....I like to make plans, schedule things.....I am that way because I'm a mom and I have to be organized.

Don't worry that he hasn't called. Hopefully he remembered your date, but don't worry until he's a no-show, which I'm sure he isn't.
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Old 11th August 2005, 3:39 AM   #5
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Thank you for all opinions..

- MWC_LifeBeginsAt40, I appreciate your encouragement and positive thoughts :-) That did calm me down a lot..
- Star Gazer, I felt the same way, I wanted to have more communications..
- Cecelius -- Thank you..
- unsafe -- Thank you :-)

So... yeah... we had dinner with some serious talk today, and yeah.. he kinda broke up with me now -- in a strange way -- he said he had been thinking about us, and not sure why I decided to be with him. He said he didn't want to be "just the guy in the right place at the right time" -- hahaha -- Well, he also said that he wanted to give me time to think about what I really want, and if I really want to be with him.. He said he would call in 2 weeks to check on me again -- yeah right ...

I feel alright -- better than having crazy thoughts gone through in my head in the past couple of days, thinking why he didn't call and stuff.. I don't expect anything much at this point. Whatever happen happens.. I have no control over it, and don't wish to do anything anymore.

So, MWC_LifeBeginsAt40, at least he's not a no-show, right ? I got free dinner tonight -- hahaha :~~)

Anyway, thanks for all the supports. You guys are awesome!

GirlInTheRedMustang.
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Old 11th August 2005, 11:13 AM   #6
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It still sucks, even when it's only been a couple of weeks of dating, right? Rejection is rejection.

My guy hasn't called yet but I did get a reply to my text last night, asking him how his golf went.

The other day I invited him for supper, for tonight.....but he hasn't given me an answer yet and I'm beginning to think the same thing...that there are no sparks for him. I can't lie ... there haven't been sparks for me either, but I would like to give this a chance and not just be blown off. He's a great guy, sounds like lots of fun, but I think it will be hard to crack the shell with him.

I might just ask him directly if he thinks this will go anywhere cuz I also don't want to just be "in the right place at the right time". I think someone else called it "his fill-in girl". Also, hehe, there is another guy waiting in the wings, and I really don't want to date 2 guys at once. I want to know if this one has a chance first.
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Old 17th August 2005, 12:11 PM   #7
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How Often Should He Call?

Ok, here's the shocking deal, to all my girls out there:

If a guy doesn't call you everyday, especially when he says he will, he's not interested in you. I know what y'all are thinking, such as: but we just started dating, but he just got out of a relationship, but he's afraid, but he's got lots to do... blah, blah, blah. Over the years, I think I've thought every excuse there is, but one day, just for fun, and after the umpteenth bad relationship, I picked up a book called "He's Just Not That Into You", (co-written by a man and a woman, for that balanced point of view), which I thought would be a cheesy, trashy, light, fun little read about girls and our relationships, yet it had tons of good advice, which interestingly enough, was later confirmed by the man I'm now dating, who I met the very same evening I read that book. He says that if a guy says he's too busy, or he doesn't call, that's BS, no matter what stage of a relationship you're in, because, as he says, if you like someone, you'll miss them and think about them, and will be prompted to want to contact them by phone or in person as often as possible. Read this book, ask your guy friends, they'll tell you, it'll save you lots of trouble, ladies.
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Old 17th August 2005, 12:17 PM   #8
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I read the book. It's great, but I am using it more to get over someone, not as a dating guide. It doesn't apply to everyone and I don't agree with everything in it.

But I had a good laugh cuz the guy in my last relationship used "every excuse in the book" literally!
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Old 17th August 2005, 12:38 PM   #9
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Re: How Often Should He Call?

Quote:
Originally posted by flowergirl
Ok, here's the shocking deal, to all my girls out there:

If a guy doesn't call you everyday, especially when he says he will, he's not interested in you. I know what y'all are thinking, such as: but we just started dating, but he just got out of a relationship, but he's afraid, but he's got lots to do... blah, blah, blah. Over the years, I think I've thought every excuse there is, but one day, just for fun, and after the umpteenth bad relationship, I picked up a book called "He's Just Not That Into You", (co-written by a man and a woman, for that balanced point of view), which I thought would be a cheesy, trashy, light, fun little read about girls and our relationships, yet it had tons of good advice, which interestingly enough, was later confirmed by the man I'm now dating, who I met the very same evening I read that book. He says that if a guy says he's too busy, or he doesn't call, that's BS, no matter what stage of a relationship you're in, because, as he says, if you like someone, you'll miss them and think about them, and will be prompted to want to contact them by phone or in person as often as possible. Read this book, ask your guy friends, they'll tell you, it'll save you lots of trouble, ladies.
BS. Total BS. Whether its games or not, a man will not call everyday because it's chumpy to call every day. Doesn't matter how much he likes you.
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Old 17th August 2005, 12:40 PM   #10
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Well after reading all the comments here i thought i'd pop in and play devils advocate...

I'm a guy (for those of you who don't know)

My experience is that most women dump you if you call them too often. You're too availeble, maybe even desparate! And we can't have that... See this may be shocking but, i'm pretty sure there are alot of guys out there, like me, who WANT to call but don't because they are afraid they may be coming on to strong, looking too availeble or even desparate for her attention. No game = no girl. That's pretty much the rule of thumb for any guy who isn't extreemly popular among women (lets say 95% of all males?). Furthermore, especially during early stages of a relationship (dating stage), it's generally not a good idea for a guy to calll 'just to talk' because there is tomuch risk of screwing things up over the phone. When a guy is really into you he will be nervous every time he calls you, often bite his tongue and make upsies, it's almost inevitable. I never call just to talk to women i'm really intrested in, bad experiences...

Ofcourse that being said, if you ask the guy to call and he doesn't... That's a bit strange. It's the same as being a no show at a date. While women can afford this sort of stuff, it's mostly a bullet between the eyes for guys. So seriously if a guy doesn't call if you ask him to or doesn't show up for a date hes not intrested AT ALL. But i wouldn't really expect the guy to call you all that much just for chit chat, it's to risky for guys to do this and mostly when guys call it's to set up dates and outings. I guess though, once you reach a certain point in the dating and you're both assuming it's for real, it's ok to call just for talks...

Anyway i just wanted to let you know the other side of the story.

I would NEVER call any girl i am really intrested in on a daily basis ESPECIALLY if i don't really have anything to say. Atleast not untill i'm sure she's into me. I might aswell just call to say i'm a total loser with no life
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Old 17th August 2005, 12:45 PM   #11
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I'm with animo on this. You have to make some time to miss each other. That guy I was talking about in my earlier post, well we do contact each other every day. It's nice for a while, but I find myself playing the waiting game a bit more because I am running out of things to talk about.
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Old 17th August 2005, 2:14 PM   #12
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Calling everyday (or needing to call/be called) is like having it be Christmas everyday -- before too long, it's just another day.

Also, who would call just because a girl told them to?
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Old 17th August 2005, 4:06 PM   #13
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I talk to my DBF everyday. Either we're making plans to see each other or we're just catching up. Sometimes we email through out the day and talk for about 45 mins to an hour at night. Only time we don't talk is if one of us has something going on that night so we can't, or he travels... we don't talk a lot when he travels.

It's not chumpy to me to talk everyday. We just talk alot. Now, he doesn't call 3 or 4 times a day or anything... we talk once, at night, usually just to say goodnight and see how each other's day/evening went.

If you want to talk to him, call him.
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Old 17th August 2005, 4:10 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by CurvyGurl
I talk to my DBF everyday.
so have you two knocked boots yet or are you still saving yourself for marriage?
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Old 17th August 2005, 4:11 PM   #15
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Re: Re: How Often Should He Call?

Quote:
Originally posted by Cecelius
a man will not call everyday because it's chumpy to call every day. Doesn't matter how much he likes you.
My BF calls me everyday..

The first night I met him he asked for my number, I gave it to him and said "If you're into me don't wait 3 days to let me know that" LOL He called me the next day

Together for 9 months now, and he still calls me everyday
BUT I also have to say, I don't hesitate to call him too when I want to talk to him...
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