Guest005 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I have been seeing my girlfriend for just on 7 months now. She continually tells me that I am the one and how much she loves me and wants to be with me. Recently I discovered a betrayal via email. She had been seeing a married guy last year before we got together, and by what she told me it ended in December last year. I had my suspicions and got into her email to discover the truth. I found that they continually email each other (every day) and she still confeses to him that she loves him, that he loves her etc etc. I was devastated! I bought it up in a round about way with her, not letting on that I know all this. She denies it (of course) and told me that they are just friends, and that she never loved him, nor longs to be with him. She is lying to my face! Anyway, after a day or so of arguments, she wrote to him and broke off contact with him, whilst saying in the last email that she will think of him everyday, and love him. What do I do!?!? I am so very hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 How serious are you ? Are you exclusive ? If you are exclusive I would consider kicking her to the curb. If she is lying to you and from the things that she wrote him in her "Last" email I would say she will most likely cheat with him.. Except now she will hide it ... He's married.. Do you want to be with someone that doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage ? Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Are you exclusive? In any event, she has mental problems. She's in love (or some sad facsimile) with a married man that she can't have (which may be part of the attraction) and involved with you. Clearly she is committed to neither -- she's not cheating on him because he's married, and she's not "cheating" on you because her emotional view of the world is that she needs to be true to what she feels. Don't let this turn into some Hollywood love trinagle -- don't legitimize what is basically just immoral/skanky behavior. Just get out with no drama. If you're not exclusive, why would you want to be with someone who is helping a guy cheat on his wife? Good women don't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I believe, and I'm speaking from experience, she is lying to the married man. She is telling him what she thinks he wants to hear. Of course she will think of him, but she so obviously does not love him if she can meet someone else and carry on a 7 month relationship. The MM is her fantasyworld. You are her real world and by breaking contact with the MM she is showing that she is into you, and wants to work on this real life relationship while trying to forget this man a million miles away. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Lets also point out that the OP is not married to her. he does not have a huge financial or logistical investment in her, which is one of the reasons that married people try to work things out. Why on earth would you put up with this from someone you are not married to? Link to post Share on other sites
Lapsus Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 I need to know something first---------did she actually use the words " love him" or "love you" in her emails??!!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest005 Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 She has said a lot to him, all the while why we have been together. She mentions that she has a partner is some of her early emails, but most of the things are always what she did (even though we did it together - ie. seeing a movie etc). It sounds pretty hardcore between the two of them, everything from how she will never forget, to how much she loves his shoulders, to the fact that she will always think of him etc etc Since she wrote him the last email saying goodbye, she sent another reply saying that she was crying and that she will think of him everyday. He sent a long email in return, to (the best of my knowledge) she has not replied to. It just hurts knowing that she had a strong connection with him. I even found out that in the early stages of us seeing each other she fooled around with him. They have also met in private a couple of times and either held each other or kissed each other (not for the last 4 months as far as I can see). I dont know what to do, as I think she does love me, as she says a lot of real nice things to me, about me being 'the one' etc. Just a tad confused .... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.positive Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 You definately can't trust her. I would end it as fast as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by Guest005 ... It just hurts knowing that she had a strong connection with him. I even found out that in the early stages of us seeing each other she fooled around with him. They have also met in private a couple of times and either held each other or kissed each other (not for the last 4 months as far as I can see). I dont know what to do, as I think she does love me, as she says a lot of real nice things to me, about me being 'the one' etc. Just a tad confused .... I do not think you are confused: you know the answer to your problems. You should not put a gloss of hollywood or romance novel love-triangle, conflicted emotion, true love cr@p onto what is basically a skanky woman cheating on you and helping a married man cheat on his wife. Who cares what "connection" a chick who is beneath dating has with some other guy? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Your entire relationship, since it's conception, was based on a lie. Omission of relationship pertinent facts and presenting a phony façade counts as major deception on her part. Sorry to deal it straight…but you've been scammed. Seven months later, you're not any closer to knowing who this girl really is…only the false image she presented to you…the person she wanted you to think she was. Given the REAL facts, you must now decide if this new person is someone you would have wanted to involve yourself with in the first place. Remember - the person you thought you knew no longer exists. What you see now is the real deal. I dont know what to do, as I think she does love me, as she says a lot of real nice things to me, about me being 'the one' etc. Don't consider "words" when actions don't back them up. I don't care how "nice" they are. It's nothing more than blowing smoke up your butt if she's been telling her married man the same thing. Instead, take into account what she's been doing behind your back for the last seven months. She's been lying to you while clinging to a relationship with another man…someone else's husband. What does this say about her respect towards you, your relationship and the wife of that man? Her self respect? What does this tell you about how she conducts relationships? Her character? Her conscience? Her trustworthiness? The longevity of a relationship depends on a solid foundation. You have none. Yours is rooted in lies and deception. And given she was so good at keeping things under wrap, I feel confident in predicting there will only be more of the same if you stay. It'll never last unless you're okay with being treated like that. Personally, I wouldn't want to see you or anyone straddled in a relationship with someone like that. But it's your life, your choice. Just a tad confused .... Of course you are! You're in shock. I'd feel like a deer caught in the headlights too! But instead of standing there waiting to get run over by that approaching train wreck…I'd bolt! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest005 Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Well, as far as I can tell there has been no contact between the two of them for these last couple of weeks. I still think about it all the time, and I can understand what everyone is saying, dont get me wrong ... It looks to be a purely physical thing on the surface, but even going back to early this year and late last year (when we were not together), she was telling him how much she missed him, and that she loves him. Everytime that they saw each other (probably about 6 times over these last 7 months), she has always emailed him and told him that she longs for his kisses, and for him to hold her the way that he used to. She also got scared on a couple occasions of seeing him, because she knows how she feels each time they see each other. Even in the early stages of our relationship, they met in secret, as he was going to her work and having lunch with her etc and people at her work would say or enquire about things (because they knew she had a BF), so she quickly told him that they need to be more careful. Deception ... I really feel a lot for this girl. And I guess more than anything, I am a little jealous of their relationship as they were so close. She use to pay him compliments all the time about his body, never feeling more attractive then when he is looking at her etc etc. And quite frankly, that makes me feel real small Like I said, there has been no contact (as far as I am aware) for a few weeks now. She has dedicated her all to me, and constantly tells me and her parents how much she loves me. By the way, she is 26 and I am 29. Link to post Share on other sites
BeachQueen Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 The first sign of trouble: When you have to break into anything (emails, voicemails, mail, etc), b/c you don't trust the person you're with, it only gets worse from there. That aside: the woman you care about is no good. There's no other way to put it. Not only is she cheating on you (I scanned your posts and you didn't say she actually had sex with him, but she is emotionally attached to someone else....that in my opinion is cheating), but she's cheating with a married man. This means she thinks it's ok to date a man with a wife (and possibly a family). Later on in life (if you two get married) how can you be so sure that she won't think it's ok to cheat in your marriage? You can never truly trust her again. I know you care about her, but I believe she can do nothing for you except give you gray hairs. Link to post Share on other sites
DeaconFrost Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 The MM is her fantasyworld. You are her real world and by breaking contact with the MM she is showing that she is into you, and wants to work on this real life relationship while trying to forget this man a million miles away. Sorry, but I've got to say it. What you're proposing is a massive load of horse s**t. This woman is clearly a decietful screwball. Should I send you an oar? B/c she is clearly sending your ass up the river. God, I've been stuck in a ridculously similar situation recently and let me tell you that this is just not worth it. Your girl is a lying to your face and in her heart actually justifies it. Bad news my friend...I think it's time to catch the next train out of town. If your not the #1 man in her life (and no BS) than she isn't the one for you. There can be no stragglers, maybes, what-ifs, or miss-yous. If she can't step up to the plate then you have no business giving her your heart. Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO Your entire relationship, since it's conception, was based on a lie. Omission of relationship pertinent facts and presenting a phony façade counts as major deception on her part. Sorry to deal it straight…but you've been scammed. Seven months later, you're not any closer to knowing who this girl really is…only the false image she presented to you…the person she wanted you to think she was. Given the REAL facts, you must now decide if this new person is someone you would have wanted to involve yourself with in the first place. Remember - the person you thought you knew no longer exists. What you see now is the real deal. Man is this guy (at least I'm assuming this is your status) right on. Everything you've said is spot on! Here's a sunglasses for you! Guest005....take it from someone who not too long ago went through damn-near the exact same thing. Leave this sketchy ass woman alone. She is unstable, deceitful, and manipulative at best. You deserve a woman who will treat you with absolute respect and love you endlessly (with no one behind the scenes). Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 The whole idea of forgiving her assumes that you have some relationship with her. You've been deceived from the beginning. What relationship do you have to get back to if you do forgive her? Do NOT make the mistake of marrying this one: then you will have real legal impediments to getting rid of her. Link to post Share on other sites
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