sarahh000 Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Hello I am 22 years old and have a big problem with relationships. I've had 2 relationships so far. The first guy was just downright horrible. My second one was better but he had a mental illness and commitment issues, he valued his space way too much. I guess the only reason he came off as a fantastic boyfriend at first was the so called honeymoon phase because we actually had one. We broke up though because it just wasn't really going anywhere and I lost interest. I had to "take care" of him a lot and i'm not a strong person myself. We could find our way back as good friends though but as soon as he got over me emotionally my feelings came back... He rejected me and I got even more keen to win him over. Yet I know that a relationship between us could go nowhere. He has never commited to a woman, except me I guess but I was very eager to go out with him even though he showed clear signs of prefering to be alone. The only really decent guy i've gone out with is the guy I also almost "dislike" the most lol! He fell for me quite fast and was a guy with a good job and a house and everything, and he was just looking for someone to share his life with. I quickly realized that he came from a "picture perfect family" and started feeling anxious that I with all of my imperfections and as odd as my personality is would never fit in. This feeling grew and he kept getting more and more interested and I started backing off more and more. Eventually I just started disliking him, almost labeling him a stalker simply for wanting to get to know me and get close in a way nobody else has bothered to in the past. But he gave up after months and now I find myself asking if I should apologize for my strange behavior and give him a fair chance (as he is still available) but at the same time it feels hopeless because I am still the same person. I'd quickly feel pressured again and hurt him but at the same time I could be letting a great guy go for no reason. Why do I work like this? Why do I actively go for the ones who doesn't care about or want me when I understand logically that it makes no sense and could never lead anywhere? Is it just my low self-esteem or is it fear of not being good enough or do I have commitment issues? I guess that I kind of like "the hunt"...Having to chase someone and fight for their attention. Yet it hurts me so much at the same time. It brings more tears than joy. I really don't want to be like this forever. Maybe I have gotten it wrong what "love" means. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 (edited) Taming the beast syndrome...you feel special or desired when these guys break down and give you attention. It's like crack. You get a hit of dopamine, it feels great, they pull away, you crash and start chasing that dragon again. It's one roller coaster ride. You don't get that high when a guy gives you full attention with very little effort from you. Therapy wouldn't hurt to get to the root of all this. Edited March 18, 2018 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahh000 Posted March 18, 2018 Author Share Posted March 18, 2018 Taming the beast syndrome...you feel special or desired when these guys break down and give you attention. It's like crack. You get a hit of dopamine, it feels great, they pull away, you crash and start chasing that dragon again. It's one roller coaster ride. You don't get that high when a guy gives you full attention with very little effort from you. Therapy wouldn't hurt to get to the root of all this. That could probably make sense. I have been in therapy and will probably again sometime this spring but not for this specific issue. Guess it couldn't hurt bringing it up though. Otherwise, could there be any way to work on it myself? Link to post Share on other sites
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