PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Hello LS Friends, Update tried Farmers Only (1 month) and tweaked my OKC to read I'm not looking for hookup etc etc. Couldn't take being so lonely. Anyhoo 1st date went well. Good guy understands bipolar. Now just keeping the friendship going, holding off on sex as long as possible. Possibly meeting for date #2 tomorrow. He texts everyday. I gotta admit. I'm liking this not having negative toxic energy if u know what I mean.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Good for you. Enjoy. Keep us posted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Good for you. Enjoy. Keep us posted. I def will, thanks sweetie! Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) Hello LS Friends, Possibly meeting for date #2 tomorrow. He texts everyday. I gotta admit. I'm liking this not having negative toxic energy if u know what I mean.... Get him to dial down the texting everyday. That is bad. The phone is for setting dates,...not for getting to know someone. He may do it because he thinks it is expected of him,...assure him it is not. If he keeps that up you will get tired of it and he will start to feel like a nuisance, he'll seem "needy", and you will loose respect for him. It will also give him (or you) more opportunity to write something stupid in text that will mess things up. When he makes a date he needs to make specific plans. Insist that he does (tell him if you have to). Many guys, even if nice ones, don't always realize that is important. You should never use the words "possibly meeting" to describe a future date. I'll give you a template to follow for the first couple months. Yes, I know,...it is a rigid temple. But it is meant to help both of you,...to help keep behavors and emotions in check and to help prevent common mistakes that people make. When people are skillful and experienced in dating they don't need the rigidness because they are "good at it", but if you have a history of unpleasant dating experiences it can help you. LEVEL One 1. Guy initiates contact and makes a date ONLY once a week. Date must be a specific time/place, no "fuzzy dates". Good day for contact is about a week out from the date (like Monday or Tues for a Sat or Sun date). It is once a week because you need "alone time" to think about each other, keep your thoughts straight and keep emotions in check. It will build anticipation and excitement for the next date. You will look forward to it. 2. Guy does not make contact between setting the date and showing up for the date (except for adjustments in the plans), whatever you want to talk about can wait till the date. This, as I said above, builds anticipation and excitement about the upcoming date. No confirmation call before the date. He must demonstrate reliability and show up like he said he would (and so should you). If either "no shows" it could be a deal breaker and it is best to find that out early 3. Rinse and repeat for a few weeks. Dates should not include "relationship talk",...no sticking labels on each other or the situation. You are not boyfriend/girlfriend yet at this point. Dating other people should at least be allowed at this point even if it isn't actually happening (it is a frame of mind). Dates should be evening dates with a romantic feel to them. Do not do "friend-zone" activities (daytime "coffee dates", "lunch dates"), and avoid doing things together that "friends" do. If you start thinking of each other as friends then sexual polarity fades and the "Friend-Zone" is the ultimate destination. Sexual polarity is critical, even if you want to wait for sex,...you still need to at least "want to",...it is important. LEVEL Two 1. When the woman feels comfortable about the guy and safe with him she should reach out to the guy between dates. It can be just simple things like Hello, how's it going?". Guy should take this as the "cue" to make the next date, if he doesn't understand it is his "cue" to make the date, then explain it to him. The call isn't for long chats,...again, save that for the date 2. In LEVEL One the guy was doing it all. Now the two are working together. The woman sets the pace of the dating by how often she contacts him and he still takes the lead and makes the dating plans. It's now a symbiotic process of the two working together. Other than that is it the same as LEVEL One. Dates should not include "relationship talk",...no sticking labels on each other or the situation. You are not boyfriend/girlfriend yet at this point. Dating other people should at least be allowed at this point even if it isn't actually happening (it is a frame of mind). Dates should be evening dates with a romantic feel to them. Do not do "friend-zone" activities (daytime "coffee dates", "lunch dates"), and avoid doing things together that "friends" do. If you start thinking of each other as friends then sexual polarity fades and the "Friend-Zone" is the ultimate destination. Sexual polarity is critical, even if you want to wait for sex,...you still need to at least "want to",...it is important. LEVEL Three 1. After a couple months (statistically around 7 weeks), as long as everything has gone well and the two, but particularly the guy, has not made a bunch of mistakes, the woman is feeling like she wants to be exclusive with the guy and she needs to be the one to initiate that conversation. It is important that it be her. If the guy brings up the conversation then 99% of the time it will be too soon. The woman may agree to it because she likes him enough to not want to risk losing him,...but she will not "feel right" about it even though she may not be able to put her finger on it. 2. If the guy agrees to be exclusive when the woman brings up that conversation, than at that point they are now boyfriend/girlfriend and they should drop off any others they may have been seeing at the same time. There,...if you make it that far,...then you can probably take it from there. Edited March 12, 2018 by PRW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 Tbh I probably shouldn't b trying to date as I'm working on myself. Unfortunately though, I grow tired many times of the loneliness and uneventful days/weeks/months going by. I tightened up my OkC profile so that no one would bother me w hook up requests etc. I met a gentleman but I'm not that into him because he tends to drain my energy with his issues on top of not being all that attracted to him. That doesn't bother me BC attraction always happens later for me. I'm torn between something I read where the signs its time to walk away, such as the energy drain etc. And giving it some time. We have nice plans like camping. This whole thing could blow over and be attributed to the woes of New Englander's BC of winter!! Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 (edited) Only date men you feel attracted to,...period,...end of story. Absolutely get away from guys with issues that make you feel drained. How are you supposed to work on yourself when you are basically his therapist working on him? How is he going to be the leader in the relationship and take you on the love story adventure that you want to have? How in the world is that going to be good for you? I would also recommend you get away from online dating and meet real people in real places that have real lives. On line dating is a magnet for the down-and-out, the down-trodden, and the ones who, unfortunately, can't get a normal date to save their lives. Yes, there are some good ones on there but you have to wade through the masses up to your elbows to get to them. Edited March 18, 2018 by PRW 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 18, 2018 Author Share Posted March 18, 2018 Only date men you feel attracted to,...period,...end of story. Absolutely get away from guys with issues that make you feel drained. How are you supposed to work on yourself when you are basically his therapist working on him? How is he going to be the leader in the relationship and take you on the love story adventure that you want to have? How in the world is that going to be good for you? I would also recommend you get away from online dating and meet real people in real places that have real lives. On line dating is a magnet for the down-and-out, the down-trodden, and the ones who, unfortunately, can't get a normal date to save their lives. Yes, there are some good ones on there but you have to wade through the masses up to your elbows to get to them. Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for your wisdom filled reply, much needed especially today as I hung up in his face. I'm at a point where I will not allow a man to crap on me. My wisdom has come at the expense of so much pain..... Thanks again friend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 ..... he tends to drain my energy with his issues on top of not being all that attracted to him. That doesn't bother me BC attraction always happens later for me. Real attraction with women almost always takes time. It is almost instant for men, but on average takes a few weeks to a month longer for women because their emotions have to "catch up" to the situation. That is also why if a man is an emotional "downer" to be around, the woman won't feel attraction for him (or lose it if she did initially) even though the guy might be physically good looking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Only date men you feel attracted to,...period,...end of story. Absolutely get away from guys with issues that make you feel drained. How are you supposed to work on yourself when you are basically his therapist working on him? How is he going to be the leader in the relationship and take you on the love story adventure that you want to have? How in the world is that going to be good for you? I would also recommend you get away from online dating and meet real people in real places that have real lives. On line dating is a magnet for the down-and-out, the down-trodden, and the ones who, unfortunately, can't get a normal date to save their lives. Yes, there are some good ones on there but you have to wade through the masses up to your elbows to get to them. I do agree on this point, just because you had initial attraction or whatever, don't stay w/someone who drains you. I dated a guy like that and eventually I left him after only a month, turned out he was a crazy jealous control freak. There is nothing wrong w/online dating, I met my bf there and know several other people who met their partners online. You can meet plenty of down trodden people in real life as well. Either way you have to elbow through the masses to find someone decent. One thing though, do not build expectations, go w/your gut and don't feel bad walking away if something isn't right, even after a few good dates. The crazy guy told me about his dark past, I felt I would regret losing the progress we made, but I should have just walked away anyways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 19, 2018 Author Share Posted March 19, 2018 Real attraction with women almost always takes time. It is almost instant for men, but on average takes a few weeks to a month longer for women because their emotions have to "catch up" to the situation. That is also why if a man is an emotional "downer" to be around, the woman won't feel attraction for him (or lose it if she did initially) even though the guy might be physically good looking. Outstanding! I could not be more grateful for you PRW and this forum we can come to with matters of the heart..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 19, 2018 Author Share Posted March 19, 2018 I do agree on this point, just because you had initial attraction or whatever, don't stay w/someone who drains you. I dated a guy like that and eventually I left him after only a month, turned out he was a crazy jealous control freak. There is nothing wrong w/online dating, I met my bf there and know several other people who met their partners online. You can meet plenty of down trodden people in real life as well. Either way you have to elbow through the masses to find someone decent. One thing though, do not build expectations, go w/your gut and don't feel bad walking away if something isn't right, even after a few good dates. The crazy guy told me about his dark past, I felt I would regret losing the progress we made, but I should have just walked away anyways. Thank you hunni, All very true! I'm glad you came into the discussion to give me the woman perspective because it's true the more we invest the harder it is to walk away. I don't ever want to do that again, i mean ever! Plus Ion have any time to waste. Im going on 44. Spent most of my 20s and 30s with abusers and I feel like I owe myself some good living even if it's alone, but at the same time I no longer want to be alone. Loneliness is not a good look or feeling for me. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Thank you hunni, All very true! I'm glad you came into the discussion to give me the woman perspective because it's true the more we invest the harder it is to walk away. I don't ever want to do that again, i mean ever! Plus Ion have any time to waste. Im going on 44. Spent most of my 20s and 30s with abusers and I feel like I owe myself some good living even if it's alone, but at the same time I no longer want to be alone. Loneliness is not a good look or feeling for me. Def, works on yourself since you are single. When I met the crazy dude, I was at a low point in dating, went through a lot of guys playing games, feeling unwanted and just wanted a relationship. I had a hard time walking away because I thought I might be losing out on a nice guy (not the case). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 19, 2018 Author Share Posted March 19, 2018 It's alot to take atm but I really really appreciate it and will refer back as needed! Don't want to imagine what my life would be like witout y'all :deuces: :deuces: Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrincessWarrior1 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Share Posted March 20, 2018 Def' date=' works on yourself since you are single. When I met the crazy dude, I was at a low point in dating, went through a lot of guys playing games, feeling unwanted and just wanted a relationship. I had a hard time walking away because I thought I might be losing out on a nice guy (not the case).[/quote'] Sounds like my last relationship. I can't stand the thought of his face and working on evicting him out of my head. I hated him so much after realizing all the manipulation that I pulled on of his friends off fb was going to.... and told him to his face. Plus I'd call every so often to take a shot at him, lol Now I just want to evict his evil face out of my head forever.... Link to post Share on other sites
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