Caught on Dating Site

[LittleL]

I will try to keep this as short as possible. I met a guy 10 months ago on a dating site. We chatted a lot first and had a real strong connection/fast online friendship. I am older than him and I was a little hesitant to meet him at first because of that and told him that. I said that we should probably just be friends. He said he wanted to meet me as soon as I was back home from a work trip and he would delete his dating profile to prove it.

 

While I was away I googled his email and info (just to find out more about him before meeting to be sure he was who he said) and his dating profile popped up. He had told me he was really serious about meeting me and that he took it down. When I confronted him about why he lied, he said it was just unsure if I was going to end up meeting him when I came back because of his age etc. I figured since we had never actually met I would let it go since he seemed honest and very upset by the whole thing.

 

Fast forward ten months later, we have been seeing each other with him being the one pushing the relationship, wanting to move in together, telling me he loves me etc., and I had fallen for him too.

 

In the summer he was angry and actually broke up with me for a few weeks. He later came crawling back and was really mad that I went to dinner with a friend who was a guy while we were apart (it was actually a friend that moved into my building and he was hiring me to work with him). He still goes on about this being disrespectful to him (even though I swear it was nothing romantic).

 

This week we had a fight and just yesterday he left angry and I said we should just be friends if we can't get along. I am fine with this decision. I think he is too difficult and insecure for many reasons.

 

Anyway, I decided to do the same thing I did last time (yes I made a fake profile and snooped) to see if he was on that same site. And he is online with a dating profile. I do believe the profile was made after the fight this week, but I have decided not to see him again even though he has been texting me a lot.

 

I know snooping is bad, so I don't know if I should call him on it since I was on there too. My profile is completely fake just to spy, but he can still say I had to make one to spy on him. I wouldn't have done it except that I caught him before doing the same thing so my spying may have been expected. Should I tell him I caught him?

[newyorker11356]

Easy answer, move on.

 

This guy is way too controlling and insecure.

[phineas]

just block him.

Or, do you like the drama from dealing with a guy like this?

[LittleL]

I have decided to move on. I am just not sure if I should tell him I saw this when he asks why. I'd like to tell him he's been caught but not sure if I should since I was spying.

[joseb]

I will try

 

This week we had a fight and just yesterday he left angry and I said we should just be friends if we can't get along. I am fine with this decision. I think he is too difficult and insecure for many reasons.

 

.

 

So you have decided to end things, right?

If so, why do you care?

 

Time to start moving on.

 

Instead of snooping, you should be blocking him.

[alphamale]

this guy sounds like a weirdo, you should dump his lying ass

[Scarlett.O'hara]

No , I wouldn't tell him, and I'll tell you why.

 

Knowledge is power. By not telling him you can use this to remind yourself that he is pursuing other women.. That way if you ever have a moment of weakness when he sends you a text, you can look at his profile and it will bring you back to reality.

 

If you tell him, the most he will do is delete it or hide it for a while, which isn't going to help you know the truth.

 

For your sake, I hope you do cut contact because this doesn't sound like a good relationship for you.

[Maggie4]

You seem to believe the spying was clever, and that he was not expected to be online dating, and that getting "caught" was something worth mentioning. I can tell you that his behavior is common for the type who goes online to get an instant girl whenever he feels hurt. He needs that, or else get drunk or something. This will happen every time you have a fight, even if you've been together 20 years. This is a fixed pattern.

 

At any one time, a portion of the profiles online are made by people who just had a fight with the gf/bf, (and another portion consists of fake spying profiles).

You're uninitiated, now you know. Don't bother to confront him.

[Highndry]

The kind of man or woman who keeps active dating profiles while in a relationship, or sees nothing of posting a new one the minute things get a little rocky, isn't worth the time of day.

[LittleL]

Thank you good advice <3

[dumbass2]

You've been given great advice on here. Don't tell him.

[ExpatInItaly]

There is zero point in confronting him.

 

He is not your boyfriend anymore (thankfully) so let some other girl deal with him.

[basil67]

You think he made a dating profile after the fight and after you dumped him. I fail to see the problem. Or have I misunderstood the timeline?

 

Do you think he should still be offline even though he's single?

[LittleL]

Hi basil, sorry I was trying to keep the post short enough and I read it again and I realize I needed to put a little more detail. I realize it's hard to judge a situation without knowing the people or the whole situation so I was looking for a gut answer. After the fight he told me that he never loved anyone as much as he loved me and that we should just take a few days apart and talk about it later. He has been texting every day since as if it never happened. He often breaks up with me and comes back and I am sure it is because he likes to play games. He did it that week and this last fight was because I am tired of him doing this over and over. So no, we aren't totally apart just yet. We were going to talk it over and I don't think he knows I am done this time.

[basil67]

Hi basil, sorry I was trying to keep the post short enough and I read it again and I realize I needed to put a little more detail. I realize it's hard to judge a situation without knowing the people or the whole situation so I was looking for a gut answer. After the fight he told me that he never loved anyone as much as he loved me and that we should just take a few days apart and talk about it later. He has been texting every day since as if it never happened. He often breaks up with me and comes back and I am sure it is because he likes to play games. He did it that week and this last fight was because I am tired of him doing this over and over. So no, we aren't totally apart just yet. We were going to talk it over and I don't think he knows I am done this time.

 

If playing games is the way he acts, you should have dumped him long before you found him on a dating site.

 

Don't confront. Just block, delete and leave him behind.

[LittleL]

I agree. Sorry I was just finishing editing this if you wanted to read. (or not because your answer was awesome and appreciated

 

Hi basil, sorry I was trying to keep the post short enough and I read it again and I realize I needed to put a little more detail. I realize it's hard to judge a situation without knowing the people or the whole situation so I was looking for a gut answer. After the fight he told me that he never loved anyone as much as he loved me and that we should just take a few days apart and talk about it later. He has been texting every day since as if it never happened. He often breaks up with me and comes back and I am sure it is because he likes to play games. He did it just that week and this last fight was because I am tired of him doing this over and over. So no, we aren't totally apart just yet. We were going to talk it over and I don't think he knows I am the one that is done this time.

 

When he broke up with me during the summer, he said I was very wrong for going to dinner with the neighbour. I had no idea if i'd ever see him again at the time and the dinner was a friend/work thing. I have learned since that he doesn't mean it when he breaks up with me so I am assuming this tantrum is the same thing and he thinks I was doing the same. I am about to break it off with him for good and I wasn't sure if I should just tell him that I saw this online dating thing to make it easier.

[MidwestUSA]

There's no need to mention what you saw.

 

You do realize that IF you get back together, you will, guaranteed, STILL hear about going to dinner with your neighbor? Over and over and over. Till the end of time. Till one of you dies. That's just the type of guy he is. Ugh.

[basil67]

I agree. Sorry I was just finishing editing this if you wanted to read. (or not because your answer was awesome and appreciated

 

Hi basil, sorry I was trying to keep the post short enough and I read it again and I realize I needed to put a little more detail. I realize it's hard to judge a situation without knowing the people or the whole situation so I was looking for a gut answer. After the fight he told me that he never loved anyone as much as he loved me and that we should just take a few days apart and talk about it later. He has been texting every day since as if it never happened. He often breaks up with me and comes back and I am sure it is because he likes to play games. He did it just that week and this last fight was because I am tired of him doing this over and over. So no, we aren't totally apart just yet. We were going to talk it over and I don't think he knows I am the one that is done this time.

 

When he broke up with me during the summer, he said I was very wrong for going to dinner with the neighbour. I had no idea if i'd ever see him again at the time and the dinner was a friend/work thing. I have learned since that he doesn't mean it when he breaks up with me so I am assuming this tantrum is the same thing and he thinks I was doing the same. I am about to break it off with him for good and I wasn't sure if I should just tell him that I saw this online dating thing to make it easier.

 

You've got more than enough reason for a dumping without mentioning him being online. Game playing and him frequently ending the relationship are quite sufficient on their own.

 

And don't forget, those reasons are just for you. He doesn't have to agree with your reasons. If you want out for any reason at all, he doesn't get a choice.

[kendahke]

 

I know snooping is bad, so I don't know if I should call him on it since I was on there too. My profile is completely fake just to spy, but he can still say I had to make one to spy on him. I wouldn't have done it except that I caught him before doing the same thing so my spying may have been expected. Should I tell him I caught him?

 

What's the point?

 

You said:

I said we should just be friends if we can't get along. I am fine with this decision. I have decided not to see him again.

 

Confronting him isn't going to bring you what you think it will and you've decided already that you don't want to see him again. That's your closure, not a dramatic scene from your break up movie.

 

Just set him adrift and be done with it. Don't waste another minute of your youth on him.

[kendahke]

At any one time, a portion of the profiles online are made by people who just had a fight with the gf/bf, (and another portion consists of fake spying profiles).

 

^^^^So true^^^^