Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 So five months after my 9-month relationship I thought it was good to date.Since January I've been getting to know this guy. Except, he broke up after a three-year relationship and broke up with her at the very end of last year. He told me recently he's been dealing with insomnia because of the stress of relationships. He said mainly his ex who he broke up with last year in December. He didn't want to delve into it more. But are there any people out there that are quite sceptical of dating someone so quick after a relationship? Is that a red flag. He wants to go slow but he wants a wife. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 That is rather soon to bounce back into dating, but what concerns me more is that he is clearly grieving the relationship, so I think it is a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 I've been pressured into marriage before and one of my girlfriends suggested to let it go and stop overreacting. That soon he will forget about her once he is consumed by my sparkle. Seems her position is to let a grieving man off the hook because he has a penis. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 You took 5 months to date again after a 9 month relationship. He didn't even take 5 weeks after ending a 3 year relationship. What does that tell you? What it tells me is he is using you to apply the old adage about the fastest way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else, in this case you. You are a rebound, nothing more. You are a warm body to fill the gaping hole in his life left by her departure. This man is not emotionally available to date you at this time He may want a wife down the road but he's no where near that now. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 when some people crash and fall off a bike they get straight back on......even if they have been riding a bike for years..doesnt make a difference they got on sooner rather than later..personally if i fall off a bike i have the hugest crash the bike isnt able to be ridden.... i end up with multiple injuries and i lose quite a few layers of skin.....if i commit to something i dont do things half hearted i put my all in....which means....longer recovery takes me a long time to get back on that bike..... alsoa long time to recover from break ups as i put my all in.......i cant possibly get straight back into it...i need me time....to heal....to reflect where i went wrong what i could have done better some self analysis.... but some people can sling shot from relationship to relationship appearing to have no lasting injury...sounds like this guy you know has some scars he isnt ready to talk about....thats fair enough........i wouldnt call them red flags.....but maybe enough for you to invest your whole heart just yet..maybe he isnt ready or maybe he is to start a new relationship i dont know the guy...everyone is different with grief...no two people grieve alike.....some people deal with their grief by actually starting another relationship and who can say that is really wrong...if it helps them to deal with loss by gaining someone else to love.....maybe he needs that feeling of giving love and being loved to heal.....doesnt mean he could love that new person less.....its a love the one you are with theory.... take one day at a time...see how it feels when you are with him..... be open and honest with him...and hopefully he will open up to you..i wish you well..deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Never EVER date a man freshly out of a relationship. There are 100s of stories on here that explains why. He's emotionally unavailable, he has not dealt with his loss, he doesn't know what he wants, he has not experience singlehood long enough. You'll end up the big loser here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 So five months after my 9-month relationship I thought it was good to date.Since January I've been getting to know this guy. Except, he broke up after a three-year relationship and broke up with her at the very end of last year. He told me recently he's been dealing with insomnia because of the stress of relationships. He said mainly his ex who he broke up with last year in December. He didn't want to delve into it more. But are there any people out there that are quite sceptical of dating someone so quick after a relationship? Is that a red flag. He wants to go slow but he wants a wife. Thoughts? If he's still haunted by his ex and keeping his council after a month of knowing you, then he's not in the right frame of mind to be in a committed relationship. Nothing satisfying is going to develop unless you're just casually dating him and seeing others, too. Don't let talk of a wife in the future cloud your reasoning here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 No need for an explanation.....don't waste your time dating this person. Don't date broken people....they don't fix to well, and it's not your job to fix them. let it be someone elses problem. Yes red flag! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mistycord Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Every person and situation is different but I dated someone who was 3 months out of a 4 year relationship and it definitely affected the course of our own relationship. He was still affected by what happened between them (she cheated and left him for the guy she was cheating with) and dealt with emotional unavailability as a result. After that I don't think I would ever date someone who was less than at least 6 months out of a relationship. Unless you just want hookups/friends with benefits in that case it wouldn't matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Newly divorced or separated men are automatic red flags. Everyone needs a decent amount of time to grieve and when someone tries to take a shortcut it usually comes back to haunt them 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 He doesnt sound ready 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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