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Oneitis--> X-dating. Am I doing this right?


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Old 8th February 2018, 10:37 PM   #1
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Oneitis--> X-dating. Am I doing this right?

So, after ending my first time dating a guy from OLD (lasted 3 months), I decided that maybe other posters are right and there is something to mulitidating.

I have tried it this for 1.5 wks. I have talk to a few guys and went out with with 3/6 so far. I have a 2nd date twmr, and 2 first date this weekend ( one is driving pretty far to see me even though I asked if he really should since I can't travel this weekend due to work obligations).

So, Mr. Beard Guy ( see my last thread) and I was suppose to have a 2nd date yesterday. He travelled in between our first date and this wk, so we have minimal texting. Nether of us texted to confirm or set a time/place for our date twmr. Reflecting on that, I would normally be really upset since it seems disrespectful since HE ASKED and SET THE DAY after the first date.

What I have notice is that now that I am trying to mulitidate, I have so much going on with different guys and life ( work, friends, coworkers, superbowl)...that I was easily able to shrug it off which I wouldn't be able to do with oneitis. Honestly, I didn't text him the night before ( even though I remembered) because I still wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss him again and work has been super busy and I needed the night off ( plus I have a few more date this weekend).

I do feel a lot less invested in these guys. Will probably not going on a 2nd date with another but trying to figure out how to tell him. So, is this how it's suppose to work? I also plan to not be exclusive until the guy asks and I am sure ( lesson learned from first time around).

Last edited by kakoy; 8th February 2018 at 10:40 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:32 PM   #2
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I was very against multi dating, until guys played me. I never slept w/them, but I did invest early on because they wanted to be w/me and I got hurt a couple times. Eventually I became a lot less invested and was able to just go no contact for guy who were playing games. I wasn't invested until I met my bf, who showed he was serious and not just using me for an ego boost, sex etc. Once I agree to become exclusive, I only date that one guy though and I never just lead someone on.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:42 PM   #3
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I don’t know your secret. I ‘multi-date’ (if you want to use the word ‘date’ really loosely) and still catch oneitis. All the time I have this condition. It’s awful. they need to find better treatment. I typically get it for whichever guy I’m not going on dates with

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 8th February 2018 at 11:44 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:51 PM   #4
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I hate multi-dating but it works very well to keep you from dwelling on bad dates or rejections from people you weren't actually all that interested in... but they were the only thing going on. I don't think it helps as much if you're really, really interested in someone , except keeping you a little busier and so less fixated on them.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:01 AM   #5
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Using multidating as a means to make yourself hurt less if someone ghosts/dumps you.... is only a sign that you are not strong enough to handle bad dating experiences on your own. And that is not good because in life you must learn how to deal with such bad experiences in an healthy way to grow emotionally and deal with other much worse crap that life will throw at you.

Using multidating as a means to meet more people if you are short with time, is all right.

I have not multidated as such but I did have many first dates simultaneously, but once it gets to 2nd or 3rd it is just one guy.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:05 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I'veseenbetterlol View Post
I was very against multi dating, until guys played me. I never slept w/them, but I did invest early on because they wanted to be w/me and I got hurt a couple times. Eventually I became a lot less invested and was able to just go no contact for guy who were playing games. I wasn't invested until I met my bf, who showed he was serious and not just using me for an ego boost, sex etc. Once I agree to become exclusive, I only date that one guy though and I never just lead someone on.
That is me! I grew up in the time where you find someone your interested in and you date just that one.

So, how did you know your bf was serious? I am still trying to navigate this strange, new dating world.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:07 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I don’t know your secret. I ‘multi-date’ (if you want to use the word ‘date’ really loosely) and still catch oneitis. All the time I have this condition. It’s awful. they need to find better treatment. I typically get it for whichever guy I’m not going on dates with
I just started and only going on the 2nd date twmr. So, let's see how this works for me. Good luck to you, Cookie. I have read quite a few of your threads and I feel like our family backgrounds are pretty similar.
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Old 9th February 2018, 12:22 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by SpecialJ View Post
I hate multi-dating but it works very well to keep you from dwelling on bad dates or rejections from people you weren't actually all that interested in... but they were the only thing going on. I don't think it helps as much if you're really, really interested in someone , except keeping you a little busier and so less fixated on them.

Guess we will see if the above is true. Think I am more of a slow burn girl ( last guy, it took me a month and half before I was invested).


Quote:
Originally Posted by SpecialJ View Post
Using multidating as a means to make yourself hurt less if someone ghosts/dumps you.... is only a sign that you are not strong enough to handle bad dating experiences on your own. And that is not good because in life you must learn how to deal with such bad experiences in an healthy way to grow emotionally and deal with other much worse crap that life will throw at you.

Using multidating as a means to meet more people if you are short with time, is all right.

I have not multidated as such but I did have many first dates simultaneously, but once it gets to 2nd or 3rd it is just one guy.
I think I can handle bad experiences plenty from the nature of my job and would hardly care if someone ghost or dump me ( yet to happen except for beard guys and didn't affect me this time). I do get upset if someone waste my time and messes with my schedules regardless if it's romantic or platonic since I have so little free time as is. What if I wanted to make other plans Wednesday and decided not to because I already have plans?

What I have learned ( from my 1st experience) is that x-dating is much more efficient and possibly less emotional investment ( slow-burn here and not quite at that level yet).

What I am worry about is hurting others since I was all about only dating 1 guy exclusively before. Now going on casual date with multiple dates is a whole new world to me.
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