George9 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 My girlfriend whom I dated for a while in a real life, now LDR, complained about me being too pushy. I fixed my behavior, but some weeks later when we got into another fight, she complained about my changed behavior. As if she have changed her mind and wanted me to be pushy again. I explained that I stopped being pushy for the sake of her mental stability while she is struggling with her quarter-life crisis. She felt unhappy about it and indirectly claimed that I gave up on her. Which was exactly the opposite, I understood her situation and wanted to support her during this difficult time. I put as much effort in relationship as I can, but sadly she has preset thoughts about my feelings towards her and I have no idea how to change that. She came up with the idea to take a long break (until we meet) to put our relationship to test. It sounds like a nice idea, but on the other hand it is kind of killing what we have working on. What are your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 George, She sounds unstable to me - she's just flim-flamming about Cut your losses - agree to a break but a permanent one. I'm sorry x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 What are your thoughts? Clearly you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. My thoughts are that she wants to break up but doesn't have the guts, so she is putting up impossible barriers and asking you to overcome them, and using your failure as justification for a "break". She came up with the idea to take a long break (until we meet) to put our relationship to test. It's not your relationship she wants to put to the test. It is another guy (or guys). If it works out with the other guy she will enter a relationship with him but if not she will have you as the fallback option. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Breaks are silly. The aggravate already existing problems. They fix nothing. While you are on this break your GF will come to learn that she can live without you. She might learn that it's harder out there then she thinks & will settle for you. Either way you lose. You fix problems in a relationship by working together. If you are already long distance more space won't help anything. Your GF also doesn't seem to know her own mind. She tells you to stop being pushy then gets mad at you when you back off as she asked. Her failure to be clear is what is causing most of your problems. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 (edited) She came up with the idea to take a long break (until we meet) to put our relationship to test. This doesn't make sense. Long distance relationships are putting a relationship to the test. Break ups or 'breaks' (semantics)are not putting a relationship to the test. They're ending the relationship. Edited January 22, 2018 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 What are your thoughts? go back to being pushy Link to post Share on other sites
Author George9 Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 go back to being pushy How will it help? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 "Pushy" to someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you: Doing anything that may vaguely suggest that you kind of sort of want to be in a relationship with them That's the confusion. Seriously, go NC. This is a break up. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 How will it help? changing yourself makes you look weak, tell her to accept you as you are otherwise hit the road. women like strong men. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 she is struggling with her quarter-life crisis What does this mean, exactly? What struggles is she having? She came up with the idea to take a long break (until we meet) to put our relationship to test. It sounds like a nice idea No, it does't. And you know it. Taking a break to put your relationship to the test is illogical and a guise for her to do what she wants, when she wants, and not be held accountable. This is not something I would ever agree to. I think she just wants to break up but not lose you as a back-up, in case whatever (or whomever) is Plan A doesn't work out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Hmmmmm something is not quite right. Her complaints are not valid, it's confusing you because you have been more than accommodating, she isn't satisfied with everything you have tried to do, and now she want to take a break. I think someone is pulling her in the opposite direction, and it's like she's trying to get out of this relationship with all these excuses she keeps coming up with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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