Good first date but no second date???

[FOBolous]

It's been happening to me recently, and it's getting frustrating. Been on two dates with two different girls recently...one fate went two hours and the other went three. After the date, both girls texted me to thank me for a wonderful night but for whatever reason, I couldn't get a second date. It's whatever. I for myself to accept it and move on. Girls are complicated creatures and sometimes they just want a free dinner. But this new recent incident is really frustrating me. To condense a really story, here's the gist of what happened:

 

I picked her up at her place, take her to dinner, dinner went well, she suggested we continue the date so we moved on to a bar. Afterwards, we moved on to a club. Both of us drank A LOT.

 

She wouldn't let me go home after i dropped her off at her place at the end of the night cause she said I had too much to drink and she's worried about me driving home (even I just drove both of us back to her place). Which is fine. I stayed.

 

Of course I tried to make a move on her, but she declined cause she doesn't have sex on the first date. Which is fine. I respect that. I wasn't being pushy. So we cuddled to sleep. Cuddled some more in the morning when both us woke up, talked, and I left.

 

Sounds great, right? No. I texted her an hour after i left referencing a joke I made the night before and did not get a response. Waited 24 hours and texted her again. She responded but responds with short responses and there are hours between the responses. And because her responses were short, it really gives me nothing to work with. And i no she's off from work both of those days.

 

Thinking back, I can only think of two things that could have possibly went wrong:

 

1. She salsa dances and I don't. I'm comfortable in clubs (I go out often) but my "dancing" consists of first pumpingand grinding (lol). So because she salsa dances, she tried to salsa dance with me and I couldn't really keep up.

 

2. I tried to have sex with her twice. Once at night and once in the morning when we woke up. But then I feel like this should be expected. Especially when she went to sleep, she wore a thin too woth no bra that barely covers her butt with a thong. And both times when she decline, I stopped right away. I wasn't bpushy in any way.

 

So what do y'all think happened? Is she just not interested on my for whatever reason or for 1 (or both) of the reasons I states? Is she interested but is playing hard to get to make me chase her? Before we went on the date, she did ask me to call her and we spoke a little before we went on the date. Maybe she's not a big texter, and I should just call her? Maybe I'm over thinking the whole situation?

[FOBolous]

Sorry for all the misspellings and typos. Typed all that on my phone. My phone auto corrected some words wrong and the forum wouldn't let me go back and edit my post.

Edited January 22, 2018 by FOBolous

[Grey40]

Really could be tons of reasons, you’ll never know.

 

Could be that she just wanted to have a fun night and didn’t have intentions of seeing you again. Could be that she wanted you to make a move. All women are going to say “I don’t have sex on the first date.” But most girls don’t suggest to keep the date going all the way through the entire night and then invite you to sleep over either. To me that was just her trying to convince herself otherwise. You could have upped the foreplay and what not and see if she changed her mind, you might have been surprised.

 

Also, no need to bother with small talk texts yet. You’ve only been on one date. Wait a couple more days and then ask her out again for a second date. It may not be done just yet.

 

She also could have felt embarrassed that she came off as “easy” or a “slut” to have you over that quickly and regrets the decision and now thinks all is lost and that you won’t respect her.

[FOBolous]

Really could be tons of reasons, you’ll never know.

 

Could be that she just wanted to have a fun night and didn’t have intentions of seeing you again. Could be that she wanted you to make a move. All women are going to say “I don’t have sex on the first date.” But most girls don’t suggest to keep the date going all the way through the entire night and then invite you to sleep over either. To me that was just her trying to convince herself otherwise. You could have upped the foreplay and what not and see if she changed her mind, you might have been surprised.

 

Also, no need to bother with small talk texts yet. You’ve only been on one date. Wait a couple more days and then ask her out again for a second date. It may not be done just yet.

 

She also could have felt embarrassed that she came off as “easy” or a “slut” to have you over that quickly and regrets the decision and now thinks all is lost and that you won’t respect her.

 

We did hold hands and kiss. But that's not hard to do when you're at a club. But yea, that's probably what I'm going to do. Give it a week then ask her out again. Hopefully she says yes.

Edited January 22, 2018 by FOBolous

[FOBolous]

Any girls have opinions or takes? Would love to get a girl's perspective.

[SpecialJ]

Female opinion here. She was drunk and you hooked up. Either she wasn't as comfortable as she seemed and didn't appreciate that you made a move in the morning again after she'd already said no (as she invited you over so you wouldn't drive drunk, not to hook up) OR she just wanted a drunken hookup and isn't looking for more with you. Could be a million reasons for the latter, depending on what's happening in her life, that may or may not have anything to do with you.

 

It's a bummer, but it also sounds like you were playing it cool by texting -- did you actually ask her on a second date? If not, and you really want to, then ask... maybe even try calling. If you did ask over text and she was short with you, just leave it alone, move on, and don't go home with a woman on the first night if you want to go out again unless you know she's already really interested in seeing you again.

 

And don't assume a woman may feel ashamed or think you'll think less of her after this happens, she may think YOU do this sort of thing a lot and lose interest in you for that reason. Usually if a woman is worried about coming off as too easy but the guy is still pursuing her, she'll be relieved to hear from him and won't blow him off unless he's running hot and cold after the initial encounters instead of making her feel secure / respected.

[FOBolous]

Female opinion here. She was drunk and you hooked up. Either she wasn't as comfortable as she seemed and didn't appreciate that you made a move in the morning again after she'd already said no (as she invited you over so you wouldn't drive drunk, not to hook up) OR she just wanted a drunken hookup and isn't looking for more with you. Could be a million reasons for the latter, depending on what's happening in her life, that may or may not have anything to do with you.

 

It's a bummer, but it also sounds like you were playing it cool by texting -- did you actually ask her on a second date? If not, and you really want to, then ask... maybe even try calling. If you did ask over text and she was short with you, just leave it alone, move on, and don't go home with a woman on the first night if you want to go out again unless you know she's already really interested in seeing you again.

 

And don't assume a woman may feel ashamed or think you'll think less of her after this happens, she may think YOU do this sort of thing a lot and lose interest in you for that reason. Usually if a woman is worried about coming off as too easy but the guy is still pursuing her, she'll be relieved to hear from him and won't blow him off unless he's running hot and cold after the initial encounters instead of making her feel secure / respected.

 

Haven't officially asked her yet. We did talk about it in person but both of us had a lot to drink so who knows.

[Cookiesandough]

My guess is you got too pushy with sex and set off her creeper senses. I sorry, but I do not care what any of these other people say : just because she invites you into her house or accepts your invite to yours, doesn't mean she is inviting you into her vagina. You do not have clearance yet. Some people are of the belief two adults cannot be alone behind four walls together without having sex and some people are not. These people are probably not compatible with one another and only frustrate each other.

 

 

Pushing for sex twice with someone who "drank A LOT "when they tell you theyre not having sex with you is kind of creeper territory. You said you were not pushing, but that is when she already told you no and a woman's trying to sleep. And be careful out there being pushy, especially when a woman is drunk, because some will slap an assault case on you later and when that happens your tour is over. Not worth it.

Edited January 22, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[SevenCity]

Don’t read too much into it. If you ever figure out what’s in a woman’s mind you’ll be a trillionaire.

 

You did the right thing be escalating especially since you had already fooled around with her and were invited back to sleep in her bed rather than on the couch (bad idea to drink and drive btw).

 

I went out with this one chick and folded around with her after the 2ish hour date (which happens often on my dates). She texted me before I got home thanking me for a great time. I texted her the following day to ask her out again and she declined. Oh well.

 

I’ve had similar experiences where I ended up sleeping with them after another date or two. Just because you fool around with them doesn’t mean anything. I’ll repeat this again which I’ve stated in many threads: she acted in accordance with what she was feeling in that moment. Women change their feelings like the wind for who knows why. Don’t try to figure it out as it will drive you nuts.

 

As suggested ask her out again in a few days but don’t count on seeing her as she likely has lost interest.

[d0nnivain]

I have no love life advice for you but rather LIFE advice. Stop drinking & driving!!!!! If you had a LOT to drink, you should never get behind the wheel of a car. Do you know how lucky you are that you didn't kill somebody? Do you honestly think you could survive the guilt from taking somebody else's life because you caused a car accident while drunk? On balance losing your license is a light punishment.

 

Right now while you have your computer or phone open download the Uber / Lyft app. Use them as soon as you have had more than one drink.

 

Perhaps if you prove yourself to be a responsible adult, women will go on a second date with you. That woman was crazy for getting in a car with you to begin with. She probably didn't want a 2nd date because the out of control behavior she engaged in with you scared her.

[Imajerk17]

It's been happening to me recently, and it's getting frustrating. Been on two dates with two different girls recently...one fate went two hours and the other went three. After the date, both girls texted me to thank me for a wonderful night but for whatever reason, I couldn't get a second date. It's whatever. I for myself to accept it and move on. Girls are complicated creatures and sometimes they just want a free dinner. But this new recent incident is really frustrating me. To condense a really story, here's the gist of what happened:

 

I picked her up at her place, take her to dinner, dinner went well, she suggested we continue the date so we moved on to a bar. Afterwards, we moved on to a club. Both of us drank A LOT.

 

She wouldn't let me go home after i dropped her off at her place at the end of the night cause she said I had too much to drink and she's worried about me driving home (even I just drove both of us back to her place). Which is fine. I stayed.

 

Of course I tried to make a move on her, but she declined cause she doesn't have sex on the first date. Which is fine. I respect that. I wasn't being pushy. So we cuddled to sleep. Cuddled some more in the morning when both us woke up, talked, and I left.

 

Sounds great, right? No. I texted her an hour after i left referencing a joke I made the night before and did not get a response. Waited 24 hours and texted her again. She responded but responds with short responses and there are hours between the responses. And because her responses were short, it really gives me nothing to work with. And i no she's off from work both of those days.

 

Thinking back, I can only think of two things that could have possibly went wrong:

 

1. She salsa dances and I don't. I'm comfortable in clubs (I go out often) but my "dancing" consists of first pumpingand grinding (lol). So because she salsa dances, she tried to salsa dance with me and I couldn't really keep up.

 

2. I tried to have sex with her twice. Once at night and once in the morning when we woke up. But then I feel like this should be expected. Especially when she went to sleep, she wore a thin too woth no bra that barely covers her butt with a thong. And both times when she decline, I stopped right away. I wasn't bpushy in any way.

 

So what do y'all think happened? Is she just not interested on my for whatever reason or for 1 (or both) of the reasons I states? Is she interested but is playing hard to get to make me chase her? Before we went on the date, she did ask me to call her and we spoke a little before we went on the date. Maybe she's not a big texter, and I should just call her? Maybe I'm over thinking the whole situation?

 

 

 

I'm sorry brah but I'm not seeing where this was such a great first date.

 

Drinking too much on a first date is never a good idea. At least one of you should have been DD, and as it is on us to be the protectors, it should have been you.

 

She let you stay the night, but that seemed more because she was concerned about whether you'd be OK to drive home.

 

DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!!

 

I'd say your best chance is to call out what happened--you had a great time with her but you regret drinking so much the other night, and that you'd really like to see her again--this time without so much alcohol.

Edited January 22, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Cookiesandough]

I strongly think you ought to just let it go. and don't drink and drive, yes. but let this one go.

Edited January 22, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[nothingsintheflowerz]

I personally think she was genuinely concerned for your safety driving home. Pushing for sex after she already said no seems creepy and I would have possibly been turned off.

[FOBolous]

All of you are right about drunk driving. I've had friends that gotten DUIs before, and it is definitely not something I want to experience. Drunk driving is something i haven't done in 2 years since Uber came to my city. It was a poor decision. Discovering I spend $2k+ on Uber last year while reviewing my finances recently contributed to the bad decision that night. But spending $2k on Uber during a calendar year is definitely better than driving drunk.

 

I think that may be why she's not responsive to me. During the call before our date, she did make it a point to ask me if i have kids, have a criminal record, isn't a sugar daddy (lol she had a funny story about this), or have ever gotten a DUI. The next morning, she did make a passing comment about how she's surprised she let me drive drunk

 

I should shoot her a text to apologize for putting both of us is danger. After that, I will leave her alone for a week...give her time to decide if she wants to give me another chance. There must be something there for the night to continue the way it did. Plus I am genuinely interested in this girl, and I don't want to give up before asking her for a second date once. If she says no, chalk this up as a lesson learned and move on.

Edited January 22, 2018 by FOBolous

[Cookiesandough]

except that she found it okay to cuddle with you half naked in her bed, so it mustn't have bothered who too much. I wish men would understand that pestering women (which is exactly what it is after 2 ignored texts ) is not attractive or wanted. It's actually creepy. Why do guys do this....Why can't hints just be taken? I thought men were very black and white but in the case of disinterest they seem to hold on to the gray area with a death grip.

 

 

Why leave her alone for a week? If you apologize and she ignores you are you then going to contact her again a week later? Stuff I'll never understand

 

Sigh. Well, good luck, nevertheless.

 

One more thing: I know it's not the topic, it's your business, your life, but it seems you may have a prob with the...ya know../just looking out

Edited January 22, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[FOBolous]

except that she found it okay to cuddle with you half naked in her bed, so it mustn't have bothered who too much. I wish men would understand that pestering women (which is exactly what it is after 2 ignored texts ) is not attractive or wanted. It's actually creepy. Why do guys do this....Why can't hints just be taken? I thought men were very black and white but in the case of disinterest they seem to hold on to the gray area with a death grip.

 

 

Why leave her alone for a week? If you apologize and she ignores you are you then going to contact her again a week later? Stuff I'll never understand

 

Sigh. Well, good luck, nevertheless.

 

One more thing: I know it's not the topic, it's your business, your life, but it seems you may have a prob with the...ya know../just looking out

 

well girls are complicated creatures and every girl is different. everyone is different. period. you can't put all girls in the box, and you can't put all guys in a box. there is no one set of rules that apply to a specific gender accross the board. guys are just a little more straightforward with our intentions while girls want to be pursued.

 

As part of the pursuit, many girls expect the guy to "just take a hint."...take a hint on you being interested and you being not interested. if we don't "take a hint" when you want it, we are viewed as passive and have no confidence. and if we don't "take a hint" when you don't want it, we're creepers as some of you are dubbing me now.

 

as a guy, if things are going well, I have learned to just make a move and leave it up to the girl to actually tell me "yes" or "no." thinking back, i don't think me making a move is that big a deal....especially considering the fact she did invite me into her bed and cuddled with me half naked while drunk AND while sober. and it's not like she just went to bed with me wearing what she was wearing, she changed into something that did a very poor job of covering herself up with no bra. and if she would have gotten up and changed into something more modest in the morning before coming back to bed to talk, I would not have tried again. plus she works in nightlife.

 

but yea, this may be just a simple case of all of us overthinking and over-analyzing. I know I tend to overthink when I am genuinely interested in a girl. I don't know what's going on in her life, and she may just be at a point in her life where she's not really sure what she wants. giving her space for a week will give her time to decide what she wants...i really feel like there must be some attraction and interest for the night to continue the way it did. Plus she is new to the city and have only been in the city for about 3 months. i'm going to apologize for driving drunk, because that's just the right thing to do.

 

and no, i don't have a problem with alcohol. i only drink socially. i don't drink by myself...not even wine. i just live in a city where many social activities revolves around alcohol (Las Vegas).

Edited January 22, 2018 by FOBolous

[d0nnivain]

All of you are right about drunk driving. I've had friends that gotten DUIs before, and it is definitely not something I want to experience. Drunk driving is something i haven't done in 2 years since Uber came to my city. It was a poor decision. Discovering I spend $2k+ on Uber last year while reviewing my finances recently contributed to the bad decision that night. But spending $2k on Uber during a calendar year is definitely better than driving drunk.

 

I think that may be why she's not responsive to me. During the call before our date, she did make it a point to ask me if i have kids, have a criminal record, isn't a sugar daddy (lol she had a funny story about this), or have ever gotten a DUI. The next morning, she did make a passing comment about how she's surprised she let me drive drunk

 

I should shoot her a text to apologize for putting both of us is danger. After that, I will leave her alone for a week...give her time to decide if she wants to give me another chance. There must be something there for the night to continue the way it did. Plus I am genuinely interested in this girl, and I don't want to give up before asking her for a second date once. If she says no, chalk this up as a lesson learned and move on.

 

 

Do apologize for driving. Also thank her for saving you from yourself. Then try again.

 

 

I don't know where you live but let me put some perspective around your $2k Uber bill. A lawyer to defend you will probably cost $750 - $2500. You will lose your license & have to pay fines, penalties & surcharges. Where I live the fines are about $1,000, then you have to pay $3,000 in surcharges over 3 years. For the next 6 - 7 months you will need to find a way to get to work. Better budget at least $100 per week for that or $2,400 over the 6 month suspension. When you get your license back your car insurance will probably triple for the next 3 years. That $2k Uber bill doesn't look so bad now, does it?

 

 

Vegas has a bus plus that monorail thing. It's also a walkable city.

[Cookiesandough]

well girls are complicated creatures and every girl is different. everyone is different. period. you can't put all girls in the box, and you can't put all guys in a box. there is no one set of rules that apply to a specific gender accross the board. guys are just a little more straightforward with our intentions while girls want to be pursued.

 

As part of the pursuit, many girls expect the guy to "just take a hint."...take a hint on you being interested and you being not interested. if we don't "take a hint" when you want it, we are viewed as passive and have no confidence. and if we don't "take a hint" when you don't want it, we're creepers as some of you are dubbing me now.

 

as a guy, if things are going well, I have learned to just make a move and leave it up to the girl to actually tell me "yes" or "no." thinking back, i don't think me making a move is that big a deal....especially considering the fact she did invite me into her bed and cuddled with me half naked while drunk AND while sober. and it's not like she just went to bed with me wearing what she was wearing, she changed into something that did a very poor job of covering herself up with no bra. and if she would have gotten up and changed into something more modest in the morning before coming back to bed to talk, I would not have tried again. plus she works in nightlife.

 

but yea, this may be just a simple case of all of us overthinking and over-analyzing. I know I tend to overthink when I am genuinely interested in a girl. I don't know what's going on in her life, and she may just be at a point in her life where she's not really sure what she wants. giving her space for a week will give her time to decide what she wants...i really feel like there must be some attraction and interest for the night to continue the way it did. Plus she is new to the city and have only been in the city for about 3 months. i'm going to apologize for driving drunk, because that's just the right thing to do.

 

and no, i don't have a problem with alcohol. i only drink socially. i don't drink by myself...not even wine. i just live in a city where many social activities revolves around alcohol (Las Vegas).

 

I am a woman and I feel you are making generalizations about women. You are saying "if she REALLY didn't want me to rail her, despite her protestations, she wouldn't have worn that" You do understand that's what sex predators say(not saying you are one at all, just saying they do say that) I am a woman and I can tell you from my personal experience women can want to look sexy and wear sexy things around a guy and still not want to sleep with them.

 

Contact her again if you wish. She most likely has a block button anyway. Sometimes we need to find out for ourselves to be sure. I do not think apologizing will make a lick of difference, but I do hope I'm wrong. Good luck !

Edited January 22, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Space Ritual]

2. I tried to have sex with her twice. Once at night and once in the morning when we woke up. But then I feel like this should be expected. Especially when she went to sleep, she wore a thin too woth no bra that barely covers her butt with a thong. And both times when she decline, I stopped right away. I wasn't bpushy in any way.

 

So what do y'all think happened?

 

I think this pretty much sums it up why you are not going to get a second date, y'all.

[FilterCoffee]

just because she invites you into her house or accepts your invite to yours, doesn't mean she is inviting you into her vagina.

 

I wish men would understand that pestering women (which is exactly what it is after 2 ignored texts ) is not attractive or wanted. It's actually creepy. Why do guys do this....Why can't hints just be taken? I thought men were very black and white but in the case of disinterest they seem to hold on to the gray area with a death grip.

 

I am a woman and I can tell you from my personal experience women can want to look sexy and wear sexy things around a guy and still not want to sleep with them.

 

Insightful stuff cookies! Taking notes...

[Cookiesandough]

they don't call me the female aristotle of my day for nothing :laugh:

[Imajerk17]

well girls are complicated creatures and every girl is different. everyone is different. period. you can't put all girls in the box, and you can't put all guys in a box. there is no one set of rules that apply to a specific gender accross the board. guys are just a little more straightforward with our intentions while girls want to be pursued.

 

As part of the pursuit, many girls expect the guy to "just take a hint."...take a hint on you being interested and you being not interested. if we don't "take a hint" when you want it, we are viewed as passive and have no confidence. and if we don't "take a hint" when you don't want it, we're creepers as some of you are dubbing me now.

 

as a guy, if things are going well, I have learned to just make a move and leave it up to the girl to actually tell me "yes" or "no." thinking back, i don't think me making a move is that big a deal....especially considering the fact she did invite me into her bed and cuddled with me half naked while drunk AND while sober. and it's not like she just went to bed with me wearing what she was wearing, she changed into something that did a very poor job of covering herself up with no bra. and if she would have gotten up and changed into something more modest in the morning before coming back to bed to talk, I would not have tried again. plus she works in nightlife.

 

but yea, this may be just a simple case of all of us overthinking and over-analyzing. I know I tend to overthink when I am genuinely interested in a girl. I don't know what's going on in her life, and she may just be at a point in her life where she's not really sure what she wants. giving her space for a week will give her time to decide what she wants...i really feel like there must be some attraction and interest for the night to continue the way it did. Plus she is new to the city and have only been in the city for about 3 months. i'm going to apologize for driving drunk, because that's just the right thing to do.

 

and no, i don't have a problem with alcohol. i only drink socially. i don't drink by myself...not even wine. i just live in a city where many social activities revolves around alcohol (Las Vegas).

 

I agree with this. We have to abide by and respect no, whether we are inside her apartment or even inside her bed with her clothes off. BUT it is on us to try and to make the move and see how she responds (and then respect her decision or even her discomfort either way after).

 

OP, has it occurred to you that she went on the date actually hoping to get laid? I'm thinking that this was her original intent and that she was turned off to this by your getting drunk. Nothing good comes from drinking too much on dates!

[FilterCoffee]

they don't call me the female aristotle of my day for nothing :laugh:

 

Oh you’re too humble!

[FOBolous]

I am a woman and I feel you are making generalizations about women. You are saying "if she REALLY didn't want me to rail her, despite her protestations, she wouldn't have worn that" You do understand that's what sex predators say(not saying you are one at all, just saying they do say that) I am a woman and I can tell you from my personal experience women can want to look sexy and wear sexy things around a guy and still not want to sleep with them.

 

Contact her again if you wish. She most likely has a block button anyway. Sometimes we need to find out for ourselves to be sure. I do not think apologizing will make a lick of difference, but I do hope I'm wrong. Good luck !

 

can you really blame a guy for thinking you are hinting you want something if after a night out, you invite him into your bed and you changed into something sexy before snuggling up next to him? And as soon as she said "no," i stopped.

 

A girlfriend i had for 3 years had intercourse for the first time in a similar situation...without her changing into something revealing before joining me in bed and without her proactively snuggling up next to me.

 

me and another girl almost had intercourse (almost because I was the one that said no due to the fact that we didn't have a condom and despite her being ok without a condom) on less "hints." I met her at the club, took her out to eat afterwards to sober up, took her back to her hotel, she had room with two beds, she laid on one bed while i lay on the other bed, we talked, then i just got up, went over, kissed her, and when i finally made a move, she literally said "took you long enough."

[d0nnivain]

Pushing for sex may have been the problem but you weren't reading the tea leaves wrong if she invited you into her bed. She had so assume you would try something. If you took no for an answer that should have been OK.

 

 

Try the apology thing. Again include a thank you for her hospitality, saving your license & possibly your life. Ask her on another date -- no alcohol involved. Yes, that is possible, even in Sin City.