I (26F) have been dating him(26M) for 2 weeks and don't know if this is appropriate?

[annalilian26]

I started dating a guy 2 weeks ago and our first date went on for 3 whole days together. I really liked him and enjoyed his company but had some apprehension at the start as he had a couple of photos of his ex girlfriend on his wall. During the week he invited me on a mid week date and I agreed, and as a means of addressing the photos, I expressed that I knew he experienced a hard break up a year ago and I was wondering if he felt ready to get involved with someone as I have been the 'rebound' girl before and didn't want to get hurt again. He then assured me that he isn't taking me for a ride and called me to discuss this stating that he has healed the wound with his last breakup, that he has already had his rebounds and is ready to get involved with me. He also said that him and his ex don't speak any longer.

 

After the lovely midweek date, we then spent time together on Friday and I met all his friends and it was like we were a couple as he was constantly holding my hand and gazing at me and later when everyone left he confessed to me that he has been so happy ever since he met me. The next day we went and got lunch and afterwards he became somewhat cold and distant with me which was a real shift to his usual self. I am not proud of how I dealt with this and feel I should have let it go, but this behaviour triggered some insecurity in me which I did not do a good job concealing.

 

I asked him if I make him happy and he said 'as much as anyone else I guess...'. I later asked him what he likes about me and he said 'wow that's a full on question, I haven't really given it that much thought to be honest, I'm just seeing where it goes, I don't know what I want from you yet...I mean it's only been a week.' I considered this a fair call at the time and I let it go and headed back home and when I left he asked to see me the next day and told me he will get in touch.

 

At 6pm the next day he told me he wanted to hang out with his friends but would like to see me on the Monday and that he can call me later. Because I feel I put my foot in it acting so insecure and coming on too strong the day prior, I tried to make it as though I had back pedalled since and responded saying 'that's ok, I am actually pretty busy all week but maybe let's do sunday?x' to which he responded 'that sounds nice, speak soon x'.

 

He then ended up calling me not too long after and asked if he had offended me the day before. I told him that he did not necessarily offend me, but I was confused because the night prior he expressed quite a different sentiment towards me. He said that he sometimes says things without meaning to and is clumsy with his words and has been trying to be conscious about it with me but that he said these things only because he didn't quite know how to express himself. I assured him that it has moved very fast and the time spent together, behaviours we share and the level of emotional intimacy has been quite soon and we both agreed on the importance of taking it slow.

 

That Tuesday he requested to come over and I did want to see him so we caught up and had another wonderful night and he was demonstrating the level of intimacy with me again and I admit that I was not able to refrain from it as it felt so right with him. We spent the following day together and I dropped him off at work in the afternoon and since then I have not heard from him (Wednesday the 10th). I see that he has been on messenger frequently and on many occasions we have been on messenger at the exact same time, but I don't feel like reaching out because I don't want to come on too strong after what I said earlier or make myself too available.

 

Some people tell me I am overreacting and should just wait a week, some people say this isn't right and I should move on now, while others say to give it a day or two. I really don't know what is reasonable this early in the dating stages and if he does end up contacting me at a later stage I am not sure how I would address this with him so I am able to assert my standards but also not scare him off.

 

Would anyone have any advice how this could be handled?

[FilterCoffee]

Hi annalilian26,

 

I don't see any harm in texting him and asking how his day is going. It wouldn't come across as clingy to me at least. You should know that guys like it when the girl initiates so don't feel shy.

 

I asked him if I make him happy and he said 'as much as anyone else I guess...'. I later asked him what he likes about me

 

Yes, this was a bit strong considering it had only been a week. I can see that you really like this guy, which is great, but you gotta rein in those emotions a bit. Happy dating!

[ChatroomHero]

You came on pretty strong really early. Given that, I'd say you can text him later tonight to say hello or else tomorrow. I wouldn't push much. Going from single to a first date or two is a change going from doing what you want when you want to suddenly having to plan things, work schedules and communicate can seems like a chore if it is all the sudden.

 

 

I think if you touch base with him and are laid back about it, like "Just wanted to say hi, hope you have a good weekend" and then keep it short like a few texts and then you have to go kind of thing it won't be too clingy. I don't think him not contacting you is a bad thing, he's probably mitigating the too much too fast situation and I would just go with it.

[d0nnivain]

If you two have already been intimate -- which I'm assuming since you had a 3 day long date for heaven's sake -- if he get's scared because you sent him a message that said hello, he's no prize.

[basil67]

Personally, I wouldn't be able to get past the photos of the ex on the wall. I'm not opposed to having them in albums or boxes, but on the wall is a bit too much.

 

The photos show that at best he's insensitive and at worse, he's not over her.