Did he lose interest?

[MajesticUnicorn]

Hey all...just wanted to get some second opinions. This is probably going to be long because I’m horrible at paraphrasing.

 

So I recently moved for a jo, been here about 1.5 months now: Anyway a few weeks after the move I connected with a guy on tinder and chatted quite a bit. We met up shortly after for dinner and drinks and the chemistry was great. Fast forward we are hanging out anywhere from 2 to 4 times a week. He initiated most of the hang outs. He invited me out for his birthday and I went out with him and his friends and had a great time.

 

Anyway things seemed to be going great, but then we both were heading our separate ways for the holidays. He had a lot of friends coming to visit him after the holidays and mentioned wanting me to meet them. I agreed.

 

During our time apart, I barely heard from him. He didn’t wish me a merry Christmas, initiate any texts or anything. Tired of the radio silence I added him on Snapchat thinking maybe he prefers to communicate that way. That was a bust too. He got back with his friends. I was back the following day, sent him a Snapchat about it. It didn’t amount to anything.

 

Anyway days pass, I know his friends leave and he texts me asking me what my plans are for the night. I had a friend up but responded quickly saying we should hang out. Radio silence. He texts me the next day and tells me his phone died big time but he wanted to hang out with me. I made alternative plans and let him know.

 

Monday night an old coworker was in town for vacation so I met up with them for drinks, which happened to be a bar right next to his apartment. I decide to shoot him a text to see what he’s up to...he tells me he’s watching football in a town 15 minutes from us. We talk a bit, he stops responding but the next morning (Tuesday) asks me to get together. We agree to go to taco Tuesday.

 

Things were a little awkward at first. Partially because I think I was mad about the way he had been treating me, and because it had been nearly two weeks since we saw each other. Anyway we eventually warmed up and got back to the way things were prior, ended the night watching movies and hooking up.

 

Throughout our date he kept referencing things we should do. Watch all the Star Wars films, I should come to his hockey game, etc. Making plans for things to do in the future, which I thought was a good sign. Well, I dropped him off Wednesday morning and haven’t heard from him since. Normally I get at least a text after dates or him asking me to hang out, but now, nothing.

 

OH. Another random tidbit I just remembered. We were talking about our New Year’s Eve and he told me how his roommates cousin was visiting, and that she was apparently “very mean,” and chasing him around the bar. He asked if I had a New Years kiss, I said no and he said he didn’t either. Then after our date he mentioned she was still at their apartment and he didn’t want me to come over and have to deal with her. Sounds like a red flag to me...

 

I’m now very confused. My gut says he’s not interested anymore, but that sucks. The other part of me wonders if he’s just bad at texting and I need to chill. He had me text from his phone once and he literally had like 60 unread messages. I’m dating around too and trying to put myself out there, but it’s hard because I feel like this guy peaked my interest and it’s making it hard for me to want to spend time with other guys.

 

Ugh. I think I know my answer, but now I don’t know what my move should be. Text him? See if he texts me and tell him how I feel? Ignore him entirely?

[Sara1989]

I learnt if you ask yourself, is he losing interest? then that is a bad sign and he most likely has!

 

Why did you hook up with him after his behaviour? Its pretty easy to weed these guys out and drop them, you need to trust your gut and if YOU are chasing a guy then you need to next him. When a man is into you, there is no second guessing.

[Zippy2000]

Fast forward we are hanging out anywhere from 2 to 4 times a week. He initiated most of the hang outs. He invited me out for his birthday and I went out with him and his friends and had a great time

 

 

 

How long where you hanging out with him for? A month, 2 months? I ask to get some sort of time scale to find out if he is fading on you.

[Lorenza]

 

OH. Another random tidbit I just remembered. We were talking about our New Year’s Eve and he told me how his roommates cousin was visiting, and that she was apparently “very mean,” and chasing him around the bar. He asked if I had a New Years kiss, I said no and he said he didn’t either. Then after our date he mentioned she was still at their apartment and he didn’t want me to come over and have to deal with her. Sounds like a red flag to me...

 

 

Are you sure he isn't just hanging out with you as a friend? This doesn't sound like dating to me. In any case, his level of interest is very low and you're officially chasing him at the moment. Something is probably up with the "mean girl" as well and he's hanging out with you "just in case" better things come along.

[Cookiesandough]

Those guys/girls who are on tinder + Snapchat are probably snap chatting a zillion people. I’d never get serious with someone who uses Snapchat in their online dating game. Shallow. Just my personal opinion from what I’ve heard of snap.

Edited January 6, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[MajesticUnicorn]

Thanks y’all for the feedback. I think I was just surprised because he seemed like a genuinely good guy and all of a sudden his behavior changed. I definitely don’t want to be the one that does the chasing.

 

After consulting a few friends they said I should just text him and see what’s up. Maybe not the best advice but I have difficulty staying quiet when someone bothers me.

 

I texted him yesterday after not hearing from him since Wednesday.

 

Me (6pm yesterday): So am I the one that has to do the texting now?

Him (2pm today): Hey! Sorry Im not the best texter and I’ve been busy getting back into school mode. (He’s a teacher)

 

I have not responded and don’t think I will. I figure if he’s genuinely interested he’ll reach out again. At which point I’ll probably say I’m no longer interested...if he ever texts. I’m not about to chase a guy who clearly seems to feel lukewarm about me. I get not being a good texter, I’m not great at it either. But I think days of radio silence after a date is completely unacceptable.

 

Now I’m just trying to figure out why every guy I’ve dated the past year or so has done the “fadeout” or ghosted.

[Mkn1010]

Thanks y’all for the feedback. I think I was just surprised because he seemed like a genuinely good guy and all of a sudden his behavior changed. I definitely don’t want to be the one that does the chasing.

 

After consulting a few friends they said I should just text him and see what’s up. Maybe not the best advice but I have difficulty staying quiet when someone bothers me.

 

I texted him yesterday after not hearing from him since Wednesday.

 

Me (6pm yesterday): So am I the one that has to do the texting now?

Him (2pm today): Hey! Sorry Im not the best texter and I’ve been busy getting back into school mode. (He’s a teacher)

 

I have not responded and don’t think I will. I figure if he’s genuinely interested he’ll reach out again. At which point I’ll probably say I’m no longer interested...if he ever texts. I’m not about to chase a guy who clearly seems to feel lukewarm about me. I get not being a good texter, I’m not great at it either. But I think days of radio silence after a date is completely unacceptable.

 

Now I’m just trying to figure out why every guy I’ve dated the past year or so has done the “fadeout” or ghosted.

 

 

Have you met them all via online dating? This is like the unwritten rule of how that realm operates: ghosting/fading etc are all terms I learnt when I first downloaded tinder at aged 29, otherwise never heard of them.

[MajesticUnicorn]

Have you met them all via online dating? This is like the unwritten rule of how that realm operates: ghosting/fading etc are all terms I learnt when I first downloaded tinder at aged 29, otherwise never heard of them.

 

Not all. Aside from this situation, I can think of 4 from the past year and a half or so that have done this. Half were online dating, half were guys I met through friends.

 

I get it, I’ve sort of ghosted before. But when I have done that, it’s only been after a date or two. Not after months of talking and going on dates. I feel like after a certain amount of time has been spent with a person, an explanation of conversation is necessary...maybe that’s just wishful thinking though.

 

Most of my friends say it’s because of the type of guys I generally go for. But I can’t help but think there’s something on my end that is causing this situation to reoccur time and time again.