splitting bill with single parent

[primer]

Question for a friend -

If you go out to eat (a date) with a single parent that has four minor children, and the children come with, should you:

 

 

A) pay for whole bill?

 

 

B) split the bill 50/50?

 

 

C) pay for your meal only?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The same question if you go on a vacation with the children. Does the single parent pay for their children's expenses?

[heartbrokenlady]

Question for a friend -

If you go out to eat (a date) with a single parent that has four minor children, and the children come with, should you:

 

 

A) pay for whole bill?

 

 

B) split the bill 50/50?

 

 

C) pay for your meal only?

 

 

The same question if you go on a vacation with the children. Does the single parent pay for their children's expenses?

 

Meal? Depends on your income, single parents income.

 

Holiday slightly different. Cut your cloth according to your means. If a single parent is cash strapped, holidays would be one of the first luxuries to be cancelled.

 

Also depends on your relationship with the single parent. If it's your partner, you should help out a bit. If you're a v good friend, as in God parent to one or more of them, still help out. If just a regular, not best friends friend, buy the kids an ice cream or two to show willing.

Edited December 28, 2017 by heartbrokenlady

[RecentChange]

How long have they been dating that dates and vacations include all the kids?

 

Does their dad pay for their support at all?

[heartbrokenlady]

If it's your partner, and the single parent is on a low income, the expectation of a holiday is unrealistic. If you really want a vacation with them, realistically, you'll have to cover a fair chunk of the bill.

[primer]

They have been dating a couple of months now.

 

 

Sometimes friend will ask single parent out for dinner and she wants to bring all four kids with. He hesitates because it can get expensive.

 

 

Now single parent asked friend if he was interested in spending New Year's at a waterpark with her and kids. Friend is wondering how costs can be split for that.

 

 

Some things he never considered.

[RecentChange]

Does he want to play step dad to her four kids?

 

Personally I don't think it's appropriate to include children in the early stages of dating (anything less then let's say 8 months I consider early stages).

 

Of course, I don't have them, nor want them so the whole situation would be a pass for me.

[SunnySide0418]

The gentlemanly thing to do would be to pay for all at dinner. Water park since she asked .. tell her paying for all would be a bit steep for you.

[Art_Critic]

When I was dating my exW she had a 3-4 year old, if she brought her along I paid.. no biggie.. I'm a grown up and can handle it..

 

I would pay in the OP's question without a doubt.. no matter how many kids but that is me.. always the gentleman showing best foot forward.

[hippychick3]

Single mom should NOT be expecting this guy to pay for her kids’ food and outings. She should pay for them herself or not bring them on the date. At this early stage of dating, she should not even be introducing her kids to this guy yet!

 

I am a single mom to 3 kids and have never expected my bf to pay for their meals or vacation expenses. He will usually offer to pay the entire bill when we go out to eat and chip in for their vacation expenses. But we’ve been dating 4+ years now. He didn’t even meet them until 1 1/2 years of dating.

[clia]

They have been dating a couple of months now.

 

Sometimes friend will ask single parent out for dinner and she wants to bring all four kids with. He hesitates because it can get expensive.

 

If he asks her out to dinner, he should pay for her meal. She should pay for her kids if she decides to bring them along.

 

Now single parent asked friend if he was interested in spending New Year's at a waterpark with her and kids. Friend is wondering how costs can be split for that.

 

Some things he never considered.

 

If she's inviting him, she should pay. At most, he should pay for her. I don't think he should pay for the kids in this scenario.

 

It's one thing if it's one kid, but four kids can get quite expensive. I don't think it's fair at all for her to expect him to pick up the tab for five extra people if he wants to take her out on a date. What does she do when the bill comes?

[preraph]

If you're inviting the kids, you pay. If you asked her for a date and she insists on bringing the kids, you need to have a talk with her about how you can barely afford to wine and dine one person, much less a herd. If she's offended by this, she probably can't afford to hold up her end of things at all and is looking for a man to take the financial strain off her. Whether you want to be that person is strictly your choice. At some point if the relationship goes anywhere, all these financial questions will be very germane and pertain to everything and not just eating out. So you may as well find out right now if she's living paycheck to paycheck or if she has money to support herself and her kids. Then you have to decide whether to keep it going. I'm female, but I can't see myself ever being able to take on financial responsibility for another person and their kids. I'd want her to be independent financially. Then you can always surprise her with generosity from time to time and be appreciated, without having the feeling she expects it and that maybe that's her main goal.

 

I say have the talk. But you also need to take into account on her end if she fixes you nice dinners and things like that, because home cooking isn't cheap either.

[Nilfiry]

Scenario 1: You pay for her, and she pay for her kids.

 

Scenario 2: You pay for the overall vacation package (trip, lodging, etc.), and she pays for any other expenses incurred by her children (including their tickets to the park).

 

The idea here is that you are responsible for her, and she is responsible for her kids. They are not your kids, so you have no duty to them. Once you are committed, this can change, but until you have reached that point, you have to be either loaded or stupid to take on that kind of responsibility. Do not get used.

[carhill]

Except for my exW, who was childless, every woman I ever dated and it was a lot, had kids. For myself it was predominantly, if not always (A).

 

I never took a woman and her kids on vacation. I did do some day trips, like to the beach, and would cover the kids for admissions and stuff like that but extras was on their bio parent. I was pretty successful back then but didn't want to be seen as a cash register/ATM.

[d0nnivain]

Now single parent asked friend if he was interested in spending New Year's at a waterpark with her and kids. Friend is wondering how costs can be split for that..

 

In his shoes I would respond that while I would enjoy spending the day with all of them, that he can't afford to treat everybody.

 

If she says anything else other than oh no you don't have to pay for us, he should run. She's a gold digger. If she has any class she will offer to treat him.

[smackie9]

TBH you should be asking them. Everyone/situation is different.

[JuneL]

They have been dating a couple of months now.

 

Sometimes friend will ask single parent out for dinner and she wants to bring all four kids with. He hesitates because it can get expensive.

 

Since the guy asked the mother out, it would be nice if he pays for the mother as well. But the mother is responsible for paying for the 4 kids. But how is it a date if she takes her 4 kids along with her?

 

Now single parent asked friend if he was interested in spending New Year's at a waterpark with her and kids. Friend is wondering how costs can be split for that.

 

Since the mother asked, it would be nice if she pays for everybody's main expenses.

[carhill]

Also, suggest the friend join LS and ask for dating/relationship advice firsthand. We don't bite, much.

 

The most children any of my dates had was three and I rarely met them until we were well into the dating process, in some cases only after we were in a LTR and intimate and I viewed such 'family' outings as rare accommodations of my dating partner's reality, not as routine. Dating was about getting to know the lady and that was hard to do whilst entertaining her brood. Don't get me wrong, I liked kids, still do but there are limits. None ever progressed to living together/being engaged or married so didn't move beyond occasional into regular. I also was keenly aware of how kids become attached to a male role model, especially when they were lacking one (no ex/father in the picture) so kept that in mind when doing the 'family outing' thing.

[heartbrokenlady]

No slight to single parents, I was one, but why would a guy want to take on a woman with 4 kids? I'd run a mile if I met a guy with 4.

[carhill]

I can't speak for the OP's friend but in my case that's all there was. Most every woman around here had kids by the time she was 21-22 and the vast majority had been married 3-4 years at that point. Every woman I ever dated had at least two kids, of course save for my exW. It was critical, if desiring a childless female, to hook up with women in high school and I missed out on that due to my own ineptness so, heh, it was what it was. The most expansive 'family outing' I recall was while dating a grandmother who had an adult daughter, infant granddaughter and teenage daughter still living at home. IIRC I covered my date and her teenager and the other daughter's H covered his family. Typical.

[primer]

Don't some people say when you date a single parent, it's a package deal and you are dating the kids too?

 

 

Edited: In this case, the father is involved in the children's lives, regular visitation, pays child support, etc.

[Jon5150]

Tough one..I think you sbould xo it anyway..but she should OFFER to pay her side.

[carhill]

Don't some people say when you date a single parent, it's a package deal and you are dating the kids too?

 

 

Edited: In this case, the father is involved in the children's lives, regular visitation, pays child support, etc.

Depends on the single parent. In my examples, I dated plenty of single parents where I never even met the kids or just met them superficially, like when picking up/dropping off a date and the kids were there with their carer. Other than the obvious logistics required by having children on the single parent, for all intents and purposes with some single parents there were no children involved in the dating process, at all. IME, that tended to run with the more robust socio-economic strata where the ladies had the wherewithall to bring in carers and segregate their kids from their dating life. They were also more prone to covering, or requesting to cover, the entirety of any rare excursions the kids were included in.

[BaileyB]

I'm very definitely not a fan of bring the children along on "dates." As the relationship progresses, there may be time spent/activities done with children, but there should still be adults only dates.

 

As for who pays, I think in most cases, it should be the mother of the children. Certainly, it would be nice if he offered to pay for some activities, but it should not be expected. And - it's different if it's just one child. In this situation, there are 4 children... that's an expensive day at the waterpark.

[Ruby Slippers]

Don't some people say when you date a single parent, it's a package deal and you are dating the kids too?

 

Edited: In this case, the father is involved in the children's lives, regular visitation, pays child support, etc.

I think the man needs to initiate a discussion and they need to reach an agreement on how to handle the finances in this situation. The simple fact is that some single mothers pay all their kids' expenses, some expect the man to pay for everybody, and some are in between.

 

It sounds like this woman is bringing these kids along expecting the man to pay for everybody, not covering her kids and not offering. So it's pretty easy to guess that she leans more to the "he pays for everybody" side.

 

Financial discussions are part of every new relationship, whether kids are involved are not. There's always a discussion in the early days about who pays for dates and how finances are handled.

 

I'd also add that going out with two adults and four kids is not a "date". It's a family outing.

[rushed]

I would never expect my boyfriend to pay for my kids when we go out to eat, unless he specifically says that he'd like to take us all out to eat. Usually I'll just pay the entire bill when we go out, his meal included (with the exception of the times he said he'd pay). He takes me out to eat a lot and pays so it balances out.

 

Camping is the only kind of vacations we've gone on all together. And those I usually pay for everything (i.e. campsite reservation, food, supplies, etc.) just because they're my idea, relatively affordable, and my boyfriend can decide if we wants to join us or not.

 

He has mentioned vacations where we go to Hawaii or go see his parents in NY. Those vacations he actually said that he would help with the kids' expenses.

 

To sum up, while it's nice that my boyfriend does pay for my kids sometimes, I don't expect him to.