Second date and he said he wouldn't want people know?

[Sandwoman]

I went on two dates with this guy whom I met in a professional setting. We know many people in common and he's a public figure.

 

First date was just drinks. Second date was dinner and a drink. We kissed on second date and left at that. He initiated both dates and most of the texting (every couple of days). During the second date, I asked if he's dating anyone, he said no. He also said he wanted something like a long term relationship at this stage of his life but life is unpredictable and it's hard to know what's gonna happen.

 

After the second date, he texted right away saying he's so happy and he likes me. I said aww and liking him back. Then he said let's keep it to ourselves and he wouldn't want people know, the circle is too small. I asked him what he means, he said he'd explain next time and can't wait to see me again.

 

Red flag or is it normal?

[d0nnivain]

Because he's a "public figure" I can understand his desire for discretion early on. Nobody wants to have to date in the news. If there are going to be tongue's wagging & public speculation that he's "off the market" keeping this between you two alone in the beginning is a good thing. Between two ordinary citizens -- no media speculation involved -- the need for secrecy is a bit of a caution flag.

 

Also there is a difference between affirmatively hiding or denying your relationship (bad) & simply not announcing it (understandable). There is not need to force you to be considered a couple 2 - 3 dates in.

[Versacehottie]

i also think it's not that big of a deal if you have mutual friends/acquaintances. Basically it's smart not to let others put pressure on you guys until you both have decided what it is and that it's right to let others in on it. Regardless of what you think it could be on the bad end, I think he could be trying to protect the relationship. Friends don't mean to but they do tend to put pressure on dating situations, made worse if they know the people involved. Think of it as your own fun little secret. If he is trying to "hide" you by keeping you out of public places or hiding your relationship from strangers that might be a little bit of a red flag, depends how much of a public figure he is. And if he is a big enough one (or even if he's just marginally so), it's pretty easy to figure out his life & any possible reasons he'd be hiding you. i'd bet it's for good reasons, not negative ones.

[act00]

Given that he's a public figure, I can understand maintaining some discretion until you both know where this is going. I do agree it makes me a little nervous, as he could be having secret relationships with other women, but at this point, you're only 2-3 dates into the relationship, and you're just going to have to trust the guy. As a public figure, you need to determine if this is something that will work for you in the future. Between women coming on to him and the possibility it will put your life in the public eye, there's a lot to this relationship beyond just you and him, and I think it's reasonable to try to keep too much outside influence away from your budding relationship and see how it goes. Keep an open mind. Every relationship is a risk.

[Gaeta]

What would get me to raise a red flag is that he said

 

Lets keep it to ourselves

and not..

 

Lets kee it to ourselves for now.

 

Big difference.

 

Wait till next date and see what he has to say about it. Public If he wants a permanent secrecy on the relationship I'd pass.

[Tribble]

I agree with others. You're so early in and it might not work out so why bother announcing something that could flop on the next date? I've dated someone from work and we kept it on the quiet for a little while. We didn't want colleagues getting in our business until we knew it was going somewhere. With him in the public eye, that means everyone.

 

I think it is worth a conversation on your next date though. How long will this last? Does he want to hide that he's seeing from you forever, or just until you've established where it's going? Don't forget there is also a difference between hiding you away and denial and announcing to everyone that you're dating.

[smackie9]

A lot of famous people/public figures/politicians try their best to keep their dating life out of the spot light so I would not see this as a red flag at all. We all know what social media does...a lot of fake news and people just eat the S$%^ up.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think I can see different perspectives here.

 

On one hand, based on past experiences, there are some people who want to preserve and protect their new relationships from the challenges and scrutiny that sometimes come with friends, family, colleagues, and the public (if applicable) who are in the know. Kind of like wanting to stay in the love bubble you created for yourselves for as long as possible.

 

I get that because I've done it myself with a couple of partners I wanted to get to know better without all the white noise from outsiders. But it was always temporary.

 

On the other hand, I agree with Gaeta in that you don't want to remain a secret indefinitely either. It's one thing to want to protect a budding relationship for a period of time and another thing to be someone's dirty little secret with no plans to be shown off to anyone anytime soon. That's a red flag in my opinion.

 

 

My niece is currently dating an Instagram 'celebrity'. He's a fitness model, entrepreneur and brand ambassador with more than 200K followers. Although they are in a LT committed relationship, he doesn't want to parade their relationship online for countless reasons, not the least of which would be to protect his personal life. He also doesn't want his personal life to distract from his brand that he's spent years building online. That being said, she is definitely no secret in his everyday life and proudly shows her off as his girlfriend everyone and everywhere they go. I can respect this.

 

As for your situation, I'm not sure what kind of public figure this guy is or how protective he wants/needs to be about his personal life but I'd want him to explain himself further regardless if only so I could make an informed decision.

 

I would just caution you regarding where you fit in in his life. We tend to wear rose-colored glasses when we're in new relationships but it all changes when the glasses come off and you realize you're still standing in the same spot. Just be aware of what you're getting yourself into and if it doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to let it be known.

 

Good luck.

Edited December 12, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle