Does my TA like me?

[habibting]

Hey guys, I posted about this situation in October, but a lot has happened since then so I figured I'd ask again, with more details this time.

So, I basically have a huge crush on my TA, and I'm wondering if he is just as into me, if not more. Tell me what you think! Here's what has happened:

1. When I first went to his office hours, (we were alone) I needed help better understanding some of the topics covered in class and how to get started with the paper that was assigned. We were in there for an hour going over it and he pretty much gave away what to write for the first part of the paper (there are several portions to it.) He was super helpful.

2. We go to a large university with multiple libraries, but conveniently, we both go to the same one, and on the 3rd floor, there's this large room called the Silent room (must be quiet or whisper) where we both go and always sit in the same area. We usually spot each other there more often than not and every time we exchange smiles and hi's. There's a Starbucks right outside the room and one evening while I was in line with a friend, I was acting like a total fool (as usual) and I realized with my peripheral vision that a guy was staring at me. I turned around and it was my TA; embarrassed, I just smiled and he said hi.

3. There was an exam coming up in the class and I had missed some things on the study guide, so I scheduled an appointment with him for assistance. We ended up being in his office for an hour and a half, and got more personal this time. Somehow Europe came up and I mentioned having traveled there, so he asked where I've been and got excited when I mentioned his hometown (he's from Europe, moved to the States to pursue his PhD.) We were sitting very close to each other, and at one point when he was explaining something to me, I couldn't even maintain eye contact because of how close he was to me. At one point, his accent got very strong and I couldn't quite understand what he was saying and I just started laughing uncontrollably. And then he started laughing and I suggested we move on to the next topic or I would've died of laughter. He smiled and we moved on.

4. I didn't do too well on the exam as I expected to, so a week later I returned to his office hours to go over my wrong answers. We got personal again and he asked me about my name and where it comes from. After going over the answers, we went over the instructions for the next paper that was assigned. I asked him if he's allowed to look over the paper at the library (since we often see each other there) before we submit them (he grades the papers and exams, btw) and he said yes, he can.

5. A week later at the library, when we said hi to each other in the silent room, I signaled (mouthed) I needed that assistance we talked about. He suggested we leave the silent room to talk freely so we left and grabbed a table by the Starbucks outside. He explained the passage for the paper and we were done.

- Two days later he's in line behind me at Starbs (I had no idea) and calls my name. "Hey, how's that paper coming along?" I answered it was still a bit confusing and that I'd get to it later, and he told me if I needed help or wanted him to look over my paper, to let him know whenever and that he'd be at the library. Then we made some small talk while waiting for our coffee.

- (I had him look over my paper the next day. We grabbed a table by Starbs again.)

6. Thanksgiving break recently passed, and knowing he'd be alone since all his family is back in Europe, I emailed him a nice message about thankfulness in general. He responded, saying thank you for the email and happy thanksgiving. I sent that same email to another TA (as a test) and she did not respond. Funny.

7. Over break we got our scores back for the paper, and I noticed he took points off for something that I got full points for on another paper. So after break I showed up to his office hours to claim some of those points back. For something that would've taken 5 minutes, we were in there for 25, making unnecessarily extra conversation about it. We smiled and laughed a lot (we just get along well) and he said I was right and that he'd talk to the professor about it.

8. (We have the class twice a week.) Next day, he sat right across from me in the silent room and our class was in two hours. We both started packing our things at the same time and then looked at each other. I whispered I have a question (an update on those points) so we ended up leaving the library and walking to class together. The whole walk we just talked about ourselves. He asked me where else I've traveled to and confirmed if I was bilingual..apparently he overheard me speaking another language on the phone once, but I don't recall ever being on the phone around him.

9. Two days later (day two of our class that week), he sat at my table again in the quiet room. We hadn't acknowledged each other until we started packing up for class. We looked at each other, and then he waited outside the quiet room for me and we walked to class together again. The entire walk again was personal. This time I asked him where he has traveled to, and he was like "who, me?" and I pointed at a wall, "no, the person over there!" He laughed at my sarcasm and said he asks a lot of stupid questions sometimes. Then he told me all about where he's been and his family vacays as a kid. A couple times we got silent and he made sure to keep the conversation going. Oh, he also opened the door for me! Haha.

10. The next day, we were both at the same table in the quiet room again. He said hi and whispered that he spoke to the prof. about those points (refer to #7.) Then he asked me to come outside the quiet room so he could tell me. We talked for 10 minutes about something that would've taken at max 2 mins. I made sure to make intense eye contact and at one point he looked down. We smiled and laughed a bit. Basically the prof. told him to have me go see him, but there was so guarantee of getting a couple more points. So I asked him what I should do and he said he'd take another look at the papers then let me know.

- A couple hours later, I got up to grab food, he thought I was leaving so he asked if I had a minute and then we left the room. He told me he doesn't think the prof. would give me points and I was like aww, okay. But he said he'd be more lenient when grading my next assignment and smiled.

So, we pretty much went back and forth on those 2-3 extra points for nothing, which he probably knew the whole time.

Annnnd, there you have it. What do you guys think? Is he into me or just a very friendly TA? Do you think he'll make a move when the semester ends or is the ball in my court? Thank you

[habibting]

Wow this is really long. Bless your soul if you have the patience to read all of it ahahaha

[smackie9]

If he was really into you he would have asked you out. Since this is a teacher/student thingy, he's keeping it friendly and professional.

 

To me you are reading into it too much.

[snowboy91]

I'll have to disagree with Smackie. As a TA myself I know there are usually very strict rules about getting too friendly with your students. (which makes it interesting when your friends end up in your class...) From our point of view, trying to make any sort of move could be viewed as sexual harassment, and if caught he could subsequently lose his job or even worse end up on the register or in jail. It is far too risky.

 

That being said, it wouldn't be the first time a TA and a student have dated. The only way I see this working is if you make the move well after semester has ended, and the exams are marked, and there is no chance you will end up in his class again. That way the relationship is established without a power imbalance. I'm not advocating it should happen, but if it does you need to make sure there is nothing that could be considered harassment, or giving someone an unfair advantage in their class.

[icebreaker1]

From what you're telling me it doesn't sound like the relationship is anything special. He sounds like a very thoughtful and caring teaching assistant. That said, I know neither you nor this gentleman, so there could be something there. You know more than I do. However, you must keep in mind one thing: teaching staff (professors, TA's) are not supposed to date students. Accordingly he would not be making the first move. Wait until you're out of his class and there is little chance of you having him again as a T.A. to discuss your feelings for him. Only then, with the power imbalance removed, can you explore any possible relationship. I hope that helps.