fiskadoro Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Recently (through work) I met a single mom and her 9 year old daughter. I imagine she is at least 38, hard to say. I am 48. We hit it off right away, and I had a great time talking to her and her daughter. She is really lively, and her daughter is as well. Through our conversation she mentioned (several times) that she is hurting financially, and that was why she agreed to take part in my company's promotion. The promotion rewarded participants with a $25 gift card. Her husband has left her, twice, in the past 3 years. The last time he bailed he left them with no money, and she isn't working... and she says she doesn't want to work a 9 to 5 anymore, she would like to take on some more interesting projects. I don't have kids, so it didn't occur to me, but as I type it now, it seems weird that a single mom would be desperate enough to drive 40 minutes each way just for a $25 gift card, yet isn't willing to get a 9 to 5. She is doing some barter work to pay for her daughter's piano lessons too. I know enough parents to know that in a pickle you should be willing to do anything to support your child. I don't mind that she told me her financial story upon meeting me, that kind of oversharing seems common these days. I haven't been in a solid, committed relationship for over a year now though, so I am thirsty too actually. I was thinking of inviting her to some kid-friendly kinda dates: maybe a trip to see the Nutcracker Suite, or a Winter Christmas Market, something like that. Mom is kinda hot, really great personality and seems to be going through a rough patch, so she may not always be thirsty... or if she is, that might be her only flaw, and not a fatal one? Not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Keep your hand on your wallet.....you know where this will lead too if you date her right? She's an opportunist.She told you those things because she's lookin for a sugar daddy. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I don't know the details of your situation but if that were me I would make it clear from the start: 1) your kid does not come over to my house. Our time together is when you can get away from the kids for a moment. When you actually have time. 2)We will not be living together. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I'm concerned that now that she's a single mom she still doesn't wake up to the reality of life . And that is, you must work 9 to 5 and more, do whatever it takes to support your kid and yourself. The years spent as SAHM left her entitled. Interesting projects is a load of c.rap when you can't feed your kid. You can date her, but be aware that she's very likely looking for another stay at home situation and would try to go towards a direction where you'd be supporting her. Some women who didn't have to work have a really hard time getting their butt to work and will bring every rationalization and justification to not work. If you're ok with that go ahead and date her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 She is a single mom, with little money, but doesn't want to work a regular job. Not good, at all. Other single parents bust their butts trying to make sure their kids don't go without, and don't avoid work just because it's not "interesting." That is not what is going to feed, clothe, bathe and house her child. I would take a huge pass on her. She sounds very irresponsible and self-centred. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Not sure what to do. Run Single mothers nearing 40 who don't want to work a regular job but will drive for a 25 dollar gift card and overshares about how poorly they are treated without asking in such a situation is a singe mother with more problems than a math book. What are you doing dude? Trolling for trim at Boost Mobile? This has disaster written all over it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Run Single mothers nearing 40 who don't want to work a regular job but will drive for a 25 dollar gift card and overshares about how poorly they are treated without asking in such a situation is a singe mother with more problems than a math book. What are you doing dude? Trolling for trim at Boost Mobile? This has disaster written all over it. I agree with this poster, you should run because that’s the best option. If you decide not to don’t spend a lot of money on her because you don’t want to become her atm Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 (edited) It seems that you've already made your mind up about the fact she may be looking for a meal ticket the way you presented her. She may be after an easy ride but that's not because she's a single mum - that's just her. Edited November 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator reply to deleted posts ~T 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 (edited) She shared her financial situation, oversharing, right, but that does not mean she is an opportunist and yeah she might hate to work from 9 to 5, so many people like that, but that does not make her a gold digger. You can't decide she is a gold digger or anything based on a simple chat and her sharing too much info about herself. I say she is just naive and simple. Anyway, follow your heart and what you think is right. and like everyone said, state that you are not gonna be her provider! Edited November 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator reply to deleted posts ~T 5 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 I will reopen this thread after cleaning up a 23 post threadjack and return it to the OP. As we write our replies let's keep in mind that this thread is about ONE particular single mother and not ALL single mothers. If you wish to discuss relationships with single mothers in general, General Relationship Discussion would be the place for that. ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fiskadoro Posted November 28, 2017 Author Share Posted November 28, 2017 I regret if my OP portrayed her in a negative light; after all I did just meet her the once. She very well could be someone who just felt comfortable in my presence and decided to open up. The negative options have already been discussed and certainly have merit, so I won't rehash them. Instead, I will give it a go! Lately at work the boss has been giving out tons of tix to different shows, so I nabbed a few (no one else wanted them) and invited her and her daughter to an evening concert tomorrow. No big financial investment from me, and as her daughter is nine, I can't imagine that we will do much of anything after the show. Grabbing a hot chocolate and chatting with them would be cool though. I plan to tread gingerly, but I also plan to have fun; dating should be fun right? I haven't had many dates recently, this should be fun! I hope! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 It seems that you've already made your mind up about the fact she may be looking for a meal ticket the way you presented her. She may be after an easy ride but that's not because she's a single mum - that's just her. And needless to say. USE PROTECTION. You don't want to be baby daddy #2 Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 Well I say, if she is 38 and pretty, and you like her, then go for it. Lets put it this way, If she is good looking, then trust me, she knows she is good looking and will be able to easily catch a guy. So maybe she already knows she will find someone who will provide so she doesn't need to work 9-5. In which case, you need to decide if you want to be that someone or not. As I like to say, nice pretty things don't come for free (or cheap!) in this life. ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 (edited) To be fair, it is quite possible that considering her circumstances, she is financially better off not working a full time, 9 to 5 job. I used to date a single mom years ago that actually lost money when she took a job. If she can do little side jobs and get paid cash for it, that won't affect her government benefits. The better option for many people. This ^ There are also other considerations like access to before and after school care (they are all full with waiting lists where I live) and not all kids being suited to a long day. Sure, some kids thrive on being with friends before and after school, but I've also seen kids who struggle socially and fall apart or those kids who simply can't deal with 7am to 6pm and fall asleep in class the next day. There is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to parenting. An income is good to have, but what if the cost to the child is too great? My sister was a stay at home mum when she met her now husband. She now makes a large contribution to the household. Nothing is set in stone. Edited November 28, 2017 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fiskadoro Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 I invited her out to a concert a few days after my OP. At work we sometimes get tickets at the last moment to different events, and I called her to see Fantasia, the R&B singer. She was expecting Disney Fantasia; brooms, water, etc. I guess that is why her daughter showed up in cow pajamas? Hilarious miscommunication on my part I suppose! The concert was good, lotta Christmas songs, and in a nice opera house downtown. Her daughter got drowsy at about 9:30 and I asked her if she wanted to call it a night, but she said no. We ended up staying till the end, then walking to a nearby ice cream parlor for a bit (that seemed to re-energize her daughter) then onward to a Chinatown for some dim sum. I kept wondering when she would pack it in, but we stayed at the restaurant till nearly 12:30, when finally they closed. That's the good part: walking around downtown, the charming ice cream parlor, her daughter being a good sport, etc. The bad part is that after dinner, she offered to pay, but looked in her purse and only had a twenty. So I told her to pay half, and I picked up the other half. Then, 4 days later, she texted me to ask if I would give her cash for a visa gift card so she could pay her mortgage. In the spirit of Christmas and as a final goodbye, I will do it. After I check to make sure that the gift cards have their full value, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 In the spirit of Christmas and as a final goodbye, I will do it. After I check to make sure that the gift cards have their full value, of course. It seems the best... she is hurting too much financially and will pull you down unless you are looking to save her that is... Mixing loans and a relationship will never mix and only hurt you in the end. What I don't understand though is that you knew she was hurting for money but you let her pay that last 20 in her purse for dinner.. damn.. that was pretty heartless.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fiskadoro Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 Heartless? She offered to pay, to be honest I was surprised that she would offer if she didn't have it on her, or have it period. It was a quick thing, you know the bill arrives, she reaches in her bag... I am not sure I am heartless in this situation, but interesting perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 If a woman offered to pay for dinner after the dinner when the check came there is no way I would have let her, then throw in the fact she is hurting financially, yeah heartless... You can see she is hurting for money and that is why you are checking out, all good but IMO you should always put your best foot forward and not knowingly be heartless. She isn't a good fit you and quite possibly isn't a good fit for anybody right now as she needs to get her life together and at least you know that.. IMO, in the future.. pick up the check for a woman and certainly one that can't afford to pay for your dinner, it's classy... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 How much is she asking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fiskadoro Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 She wants to give me $150 in visa gift cards for $150 in cash Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 Hmmmm, that's not as bad as what I thought you meant earlier. But as a single mom without a *real* job or almost any extra money, I'm shocked she couldnt find some other way to deal with it. I would never have gone to a guy I'd had one date with for any kind of money help. I go out of my way to make men feel like they don't need to spend money on me. Like, I tell them before first date that if theyre taking me out, Im wearing flip flops. I dont mind if they buy me a cup of coffee or a couple of tacos, but im not trying to get to their money. I would just never go there. Link to post Share on other sites
heartbrokenlady Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 I invited her out to a concert a few days after my OP. At work we sometimes get tickets at the last moment to different events, and I called her to see Fantasia, the R&B singer. She was expecting Disney Fantasia; brooms, water, etc. I guess that is why her daughter showed up in cow pajamas? Hilarious miscommunication on my part I suppose! The concert was good, lotta Christmas songs, and in a nice opera house downtown. Her daughter got drowsy at about 9:30 and I asked her if she wanted to call it a night, but she said no. We ended up staying till the end, then walking to a nearby ice cream parlor for a bit (that seemed to re-energize her daughter) then onward to a Chinatown for some dim sum. I kept wondering when she would pack it in, but we stayed at the restaurant till nearly 12:30, when finally they closed. That's the good part: walking around downtown, the charming ice cream parlor, her daughter being a good sport, etc. The bad part is that after dinner, she offered to pay, but looked in her purse and only had a twenty. So I told her to pay half, and I picked up the other half. Then, 4 days later, she texted me to ask if I would give her cash for a visa gift card so she could pay her mortgage. In the spirit of Christmas and as a final goodbye, I will do it. After I check to make sure that the gift cards have their full value, of course. Why is the gift card the final goodbye? I thought you didn't have an issue with her being broke? I'm not being critical. She should be supporting herself but you gave the impression you understood the deal with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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