Social Media Etiquette?

[JEG88]

Recently, my girlfriend has sent me pics of IG model guys saying "Can I dress you up like this?" or "Don't you think you would look good like this?"

 

I've played it off and joked, but introspectively it has had me feeling a bit insecure. I know she's referencing me when she talks about the wardrobe and all, but the fact that she's looking at IG models (seemingly regularly but I'm not sure) is unsettling.

 

It makes me feel like I lack something that she's seeking out by looking at IG models. Am I off base here, or do I have reason to be concerned about her behavior?

 

I'm also just wondering the best way to approach this and talk to her about it. Any advice? Thanks in advance.

[basil67]

She's hinting that you could do with a wardrobe update. Perhaps you could ask her to come with you and give input when you go shopping for clothes next.

[JEG88]

She's hinting that you could do with a wardrobe update. Perhaps you could ask her to come with you and give input when you go shopping for clothes next.

 

I get that part, I think for me it just seems like a double standard. If I was sending my girlfriend pics of IG female models saying I think she would look good in their outfits, she would likely be skeptical/jealous. (As would many women, I imagine.)

 

Either way, it's just not comfortable for me as I have been overweight and things like that bring back bad memories of my poorer health days. Just seems like there are other ways to hint at a new wardrobe than following IG models regularly.

 

I'll talk to her about it and let her know my discomfort with the way she may be dropping hints.

[Gaeta]

I also think it's just her clumsy way of hinting she'd like you to date more up to date. Don't be insecure about your past, it's not you anymore and she thinks you're hot enough to dress up like a model.

[kassy]

My guess is she probably is interested in the fashion aspect more than the guys. The fact that she sends them to you saying she thinks you would look good in this makes me think that. I think she thinks you could look really hot if you updated your wardrobe. I second the going shopping with her and having fun.

 

Maybe when you talk to her raise your concerns but also throw out the shopping option. It doesn't sound to me she doesn't think you physically look good, really quite the opposite! But maybe your clothes could make you look even better.

 

Give it a try you may find you like a new look too

[Michelle ma Belle]

I get that part, I think for me it just seems like a double standard. If I was sending my girlfriend pics of IG female models saying I think she would look good in their outfits, she would likely be skeptical/jealous. (As would many women, I imagine.)

 

Either way, it's just not comfortable for me as I have been overweight and things like that bring back bad memories of my poorer health days. Just seems like there are other ways to hint at a new wardrobe than following IG models regularly.

 

I'll talk to her about it and let her know my discomfort with the way she may be dropping hints.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

Although I agree it's her clumsy way of dressing you up like her very own Ken doll, I definitely think a conversation is worth having.

 

She may not see what she's doing is offensive or inappropriate so it's best to share your feelings with her and get on the same page about such things. It will help you navigate both social media and each other.

 

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Get used to it because your future wife will be dressing you as well. It's what women tend to do.....more than once I've had to say to my husband "You are not going out in that are you?"

 

It's clothing not the guy she is interested in. Us females learned this when we played with dolls...most of us, it ingrained in our brains to dress you up. I buy and pick out more clothes for my husband than I do for myself. If he had it his way he would be wearing jeans and a car t-shirt for a dinner party. Oh and the wrinkled old dress shirt....they used to call him laundry hamper.

 

What you should do is make comment to take you out and buy you new clothes on her dime if she so desires to make sure you have the latest "Look". You might get some free stuff out of it.

Edited November 22, 2017 by smackie9

[JEG88]

I talked to my girlfriend about it during my work break earlier today, and it made me feel even worse.

 

I brought up the idea to go shopping saying that I would enjoy it, and explained that sending me pics of IG male models made me uncomfortable and brought my past insecurities to the surface.

 

Her response, paraphrasing, was along the lines of "So what about your past?" Her tone came off as though she made light of my insecurities and that I'm wrong for feeling anything, which made it hurt more.

 

I'm not and have never been perfect, and yes sometimes I have negative thoughts about not wanting to be unhealthy again. I tried explaining this to her while at the same time saying I understand that it was not her intent to make me feel bad. (Like many have said so far, I wanted us to be on the same page about expectations and suggestions for the future.)

 

I just wish she understood my perspective and why I felt the way I did, instead of brushing it off. In the big scheme of things I realize it's something I have to reconcile and get over, but it didn't feel good thinking I couldn't share it and gain understanding with my girlfriend.

[Gaeta]

I talked to my girlfriend about it during my work break earlier today, and it made me feel even worse.

 

I brought up the idea to go shopping saying that I would enjoy it, and explained that sending me pics of IG male models made me uncomfortable and brought my past insecurities to the surface.

 

Her response, paraphrasing, was along the lines of "So what about your past?" Her tone came off as though she made light of my insecurities and that I'm wrong for feeling anything, which made it hurt more.

 

She doesn't want your past to interfere with your present. At some point you need to grow and raise above your past. We all have a past, some of us have been in abusive relationships, have lost everything, have battled life threatening illnesses and we moved past it and closed that chapter.

 

She wants you to dress more trendy. Like smackie said many women want to dress their bf or husband. I do it myself, when we're ready to leave home for dinner I'll often look at my bf and say why don't you wear that green shirt it's so nice on you. My ex-husband would lay his clean clothes on our bed before heading to the shower, I don't know how many times I switched his clothes to something I prefered. So, that's what your girlfriend is doing, forget that she uses hot models to carry her message to you, concentrate on the message.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think for me it just seems like a double standard. If I was sending my girlfriend pics of IG female models saying I think she would look good in their outfits, she would likely be skeptical/jealous. (As would many women, I imagine.)

 

Did you mention this to your girlfriend, because I think you made a very valid point.

 

Perhaps if she took the time to consider how this would have made her feel if the situations were reversed, she might be able to show you some more compassion and understanding.

[elaine567]

Most women consider themselves to be a bit of an expert on fashion or what suits them best clothes wise, most women have a style of their own.

They are therefore not best pleased when some guy points out some invariably hot and sexy woman wearing something "hideous" for her to wear...

 

Men on the other hand can be but are often not that clued up on fashion so the woman feels obliged to liven up his dress sense.

YOU are hyper vigilant as you used to be obese, but you are not obese now so you need to embrace the new you, not keep harking back to the old you.

 

She I am sure is not sending you pics of male models to upset you she is sending you those pics to inspire you to invigorate your wardrobe

[SpinScratch]

What youre feeling is normal. But i wouldnt say anything about it. Dont let her know youre feeling insecure. Shes not going to stop being attracted to men on IG, regardless of what you do about it. So just roll with it

[Tinie]

Her response, paraphrasing, was along the lines of "So what about your past?" Her tone came off as though she made light of my insecurities and that I'm wrong for feeling anything, which made it hurt more.

 

I thought something different when I read the above. I think her comment was more along the lines of "so what about your past, I think you're hot past or no past". I say similar lines (I have dated men with insecurities about their physical appearance). Whenever my exes would say "I really don't like how [some part of his body] looks" I'd say "you're so sexy, I don't even know what you're talking about". Some guys feel insecure and if the lady brushes it off like its no big deal and not something she sees as a flaw in him, he feels better because to her, whatever flaws he has doesn't make him unattractive.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I thought something different when I read the above. I think her comment was more along the lines of "so what about your past, I think you're hot past or no past". I say similar lines (I have dated men with insecurities about their physical appearance). Whenever my exes would say "I really don't like how [some part of his body] looks" I'd say "you're so sexy, I don't even know what you're talking about". Some guys feel insecure and if the lady brushes it off like its no big deal and not something she sees as a flaw in him, he feels better because to her, whatever flaws he has doesn't make him unattractive.

 

I understood it this way, too.

 

However, I'm with you, OP, if this is happening a lot. A time or two wouldn't bother me. More than that I'd find annoying.

 

Why don't you tell your gf that you'd love to try some new styles that she may prefer out but that rather than have her show you photos of what she likes you'd rather she go shopping with you and the two of you choose some things for you together.