Ambiguous behaviour?

[AnnaN88]

About 2 years ago I met a guy that I thought to be the perfect match. There was so much chemistry, mutual interests and understanding, it felt too good to be true. We were never official, but we decided to be " exclusive". Then, out of nowhere he straight up disappeared after 5 months of dating. No communication just a silly messages " I would love to stay friends". I quickly understood that the guy was not as invested as I was and I moved on.

 

Last year, after almost a year of silence, he texted me asking how my life was and he wanted to meet up " to catch up". As silly as it may sound, I was very happy to see him and I realised I was still into him. After the cinema, we texted a bit until he gave me the big news" he got engaged". It came as a shock to me, as I thought that inviting me to the cinema was a way of getting back together. I stopped the communication with him.

 

This summer he texted me again saying that he would love to meet for lunch as we haven't seen each other in ages. He invited me out to talk about his future wedding , he was looking for a wedding location was very happy to share all the details. I was annoyed as again I did not understand why he felt the need to share all this with me, but I wished him well and stopped texting.

 

Yesterday he texted me to let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend ( wedding cancelled) and asked if I was still single and if I wanted to " hang out with him".

 

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

[Imajerk17]

About 2 years ago I met a guy that I thought to be the perfect match. There was so much chemistry, mutual interests and understanding, it felt too good to be true. We were never official, but we decided to be " exclusive". Then, out of nowhere he straight up disappeared after 5 months of dating. No communication just a silly messages " I would love to stay friends". I quickly understood that the guy was not as invested as I was and I moved on.

 

Last year, after almost a year of silence, he texted me asking how my life was and he wanted to meet up " to catch up". As silly as it may sound, I was very happy to see him and I realised I was still into him. After the cinema, we texted a bit until he gave me the big news" he got engaged". It came as a shock to me, as I thought that inviting me to the cinema was a way of getting back together. I stopped the communication with him.

 

This summer he texted me again saying that he would love to meet for lunch as we haven't seen each other in ages. He invited me out to talk about his future wedding , he was looking for a wedding location was very happy to share all the details. I was annoyed as again I did not understand why he felt the need to share all this with me, but I wished him well and stopped texting.

 

Yesterday he texted me to let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend ( wedding cancelled) and asked if I was still single and if I wanted to " hang out with him".

 

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

 

Ummm.... Probably because you keep responding?

 

I'd hope that his ghosting on you, AND two previous times contacting you would turn you off completely to him. Both extremely insensitive to you AND disrespectful to his fiancee at the time (do you think she has any idea that he was contacting someone he dated previously). The two times he contacted you, either he really wanted to gloat to you about his upcoming wedding and couldn't see why that wasn't cool, OR he was actually casing you out for an affair. Likely both.

 

 

If you block sounds to me that you will have dodged a bullet

Edited November 14, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Zahara]

He keeps reappearing because you've always been available to him no matter his situation. He knows you have no boundaries so he's always going to test the waters to see what he can get from you.

[Imajerk17]

I did go back and reread. In all fairness to OP you only met up with him once and then cut him off at least the 2nd time. I hope you cut him off again this 3rd time too.

 

But, yeah. This guy just wants to keep you on the line--after ghosting you nonetheless. In relation to your thread title, his behaviour isn't "ambiguous" after all.

 

And you are still responding too much even if it is only by text. Block go NC.

 

Ummm.... Probably because you keep responding?

 

I'd hope that his ghosting on you, AND two previous times contacting you would turn you off completely to him. Both extremely insensitive to you AND disrespectful to his fiancee at the time (do you think she has any idea that he was contacting someone he dated previously). The two times he contacted you, either he really wanted to gloat to you about his upcoming wedding and couldn't see why that wasn't cool, OR he was actually casing you out for an affair. Likely both.

 

 

If you block sounds to me that you will have dodged a bullet

Edited November 14, 2017 by Imajerk17

[AnnaN88]

He keeps reappearing because you've always been available to him no matter his situation. He knows you have no boundaries so he's always going to test the waters to see what he can get from you.

 

I agree, he is probably testing the waters without any real reason behind. I did not get why he would invite me for lunch to let me know he is getting married ( thing I discovered during the lunch) or to inform about his engagement, all very weird, as I am not part of his life at all.

[AnnaN88]

I did go back and reread. In all fairness to OP you only met up with him once and then cut him off at least the 2nd time. I hope you cut him off again this 3rd time too.

 

But, yeah. This guy just wants to keep you on the line--after ghosting you nonetheless. In relation to your thread title, his behaviour isn't "ambiguous" after all.

 

And you are still responding too much even if it is only by text. Block go NC.

 

It is all very strange to me. After his last message about " hanging out together" he completely changed his mind saying that " the breakup is too fresh, I need time alone". I think blocking is the only option.

[Space Ritual]

About 2 years ago I met a guy that I thought to be the perfect match. There was so much chemistry, mutual interests and understanding, it felt too good to be true. We were never official, but we decided to be " exclusive". Then, out of nowhere he straight up disappeared after 5 months of dating. No communication just a silly messages " I would love to stay friends". I quickly understood that the guy was not as invested as I was and I moved on.

 

Last year, after almost a year of silence, he texted me asking how my life was and he wanted to meet up " to catch up". As silly as it may sound, I was very happy to see him and I realised I was still into him. After the cinema, we texted a bit until he gave me the big news" he got engaged". It came as a shock to me, as I thought that inviting me to the cinema was a way of getting back together. I stopped the communication with him.

 

This summer he texted me again saying that he would love to meet for lunch as we haven't seen each other in ages. He invited me out to talk about his future wedding , he was looking for a wedding location was very happy to share all the details. I was annoyed as again I did not understand why he felt the need to share all this with me, but I wished him well and stopped texting.

 

Yesterday he texted me to let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend ( wedding cancelled) and asked if I was still single and if I wanted to " hang out with him".

 

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

 

Because he wants to get laid again. It's not that complicated.

 

There really isn't a lengthy explanation needed. Except that I would wonder about his behavior, as in if he was seeing somebody other than you during that 5 month period.

 

Block him from contacting you further. He seems to be a bit of an annoyance,depending on his sexual frustration level.

[ExpatInItaly]

Because he wants to get laid again. It's not that complicated.

 

There really isn't a lengthy explanation needed. Except that I would wonder about his behavior, as in if he was seeing somebody other than you during that 5 month period.

 

Block him from contacting you further. He seems to be a bit of an annoyance,depending on his sexual frustration level.

 

All of this.

 

He's not coming back for the right reasons, OP. Block and him and never look back.

[AnnaN88]

Because he wants to get laid again. It's not that complicated.

 

There really isn't a lengthy explanation needed. Except that I would wonder about his behavior, as in if he was seeing somebody other than you during that 5 month period.

 

Block him from contacting you further. He seems to be a bit of an annoyance,depending on his sexual frustration level.

 

I think he is a player, but I am still surprised by all these appearing/disappearing acts. Last time we met was very polite, a bit flirty, but overall very respectful. No sex hint or anything. Very opened about his private life, girlfriend, plans. He invited me to the cinema as friends, but I declined. Found it awkward.

 

I am dissapinted in the sense that I had a very good opinion about him while we were dating. I still felt he was a great guy even after he ghosted me, but all his attempts of contact were so weird that made me rethink everything.

[olivetree]

I still felt he was a great guy even after he ghosted me, but all his attempts of contact were so weird that made me rethink everything.

 

You need to reframe what you think a great guy is.

Great guys don't disappear after 5 months of dating.

[S2B]

It is all very strange to me. After his last message about " hanging out together" he completely changed his mind saying that " the breakup is too fresh, I need time alone". I think blocking is the only option.

 

The guy is too much!

 

Too much indecisiveness, too much of everything!

 

He doesn't know loyalty

He doesn't know boundaries

He doesn't know what commitment looks like

He doesn't know how to act when engaged

He doesn't know how NOT to lead a gal on

He doesn't know when to stay away

 

He's just not right.

 

Block him!

 

You allowed him to place you on the back burner... and you kept saying yes when he checked to see if you were still sitting there on that back burner.

 

Stop being used as an option when you could be someone's special priority.

Edited November 15, 2017 by S2B

[Cobra_X]

I don't understand why this guy keeps reappearing?

 

There is a possibility that he wants to be your friend. Maybe you should actually ask him what his intentions are...?? Doesn't that sound like a good solution?

 

I have female friends. Some are attractive women who for one reason or another I just don't click with.

[S2B]

There is a possibility that he wants to be your friend. Maybe you should actually ask him what his intentions are...?? Doesn't that sound like a good solution?

 

I have female friends. Some are attractive women who for one reason or another I just don't click with.

 

No, not now...after all this.

 

It would appear very needy.

[smackie9]

If you had promptly communicated and asked him crucial questions like why he ghosted, and why in the world he would just show up to "hang out when he was engaged, etc. You wouldn't be here asking us.

 

Anna go ask him.

[AnnaN88]

There is a possibility that he wants to be your friend. Maybe you should actually ask him what his intentions are...?? Doesn't that sound like a good solution?

 

I have female friends. Some are attractive women who for one reason or another I just don't click with.

 

I thought about that, but in this case he wouldn't ask if I was seeing someone, right? He also mentioned that " he is not looking for a relationship right now"

[Cookiesandough]

This is a reappearing ghost. They disappear when they lose interesr or something else piques their interest more. Then one day they're bored so through they go through their contact list and message whoever they ignored before to see who takes the bait(everyone, usually) and then start something up again with them. Rinse, repeat. Have done it.

[AnnaN88]

If you had promptly communicated and asked him crucial questions like why he ghosted, and why in the world he would just show up to "hang out when he was engaged, etc. You wouldn't be here asking us.

 

Anna go ask him.

 

It is probably too late to ask him anything, I would appear needy or disparate.

He ghosted just before a long 3 months holiday that he took. He did not even informed me in advance about this holiday, so everything came as a surprise. I assumed that he either met someone else during his travelling or well, he did not want a relationship with me and ghosting was the easiest way.

I was upset but accepted his decision and moved on.

When he contacted me again, almost a year later, I was less upset about everything so I did not ask. I was just surprised to hear from him. And happy to see him.

What was funny was that he invited me out and told me about the engagement towards the end of the evening.

Same scenario the second time, about 7 months later, when he wanted to " catch up". He mentioned the wedding( and not with me, lol) whilst we were having lunch.

Edited November 15, 2017 by AnnaN88

[S2B]

It will only work if you have a firm and clear conversation with him that the only intention is to be friends - nothing more.

 

Ten years ago I briefly dated a guy and we agreed we weren't into each other but agreed to be friends.

 

He dated around, many gals, meanwhile we always kept in contact with each other.

 

He suddenly had a big falling out with a gal he dated and lived with. Called to ask if he could move in that night. I agreed as my four bedroom house was empty after my kids went away to college.

 

He was a great roomie. We lived separate lives but were great friends - looking out for each other's best interest. He lived with me for about 5 years until he married! We still keep in touch to this day 5 years later.

 

Our original agreement worked because we were both clear on what we expected from one another! It still works to this day because we truly are friends and keep up with what's happening as life moves along.

 

IF you expect anything other than friendship then don't communicate with him any further.

 

But I do think it's useful to have an honest conversation with him.

[Zippy2000]

You are his back up option. No on should come second best.