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Seeing this girl but she's still sleeping with her ex


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Old 10th November 2017, 8:46 AM   #1
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Seeing this girl but she's still sleeping with her ex

Now, I've known this girl a while now. She and I were good friends while she was with her ex. Three months ago they broke up.

We made a deal that I would help her find someone new. During this time, she was still hooking up with her ex at least a couple of times a month. But in some way, somehow, things started developing between me and her and two weeks ago we started dating.

This girl has started calling me once a day, texting me, she even called me when she was drunk yesterday.

However, my huge problem is the fact that she openly told me she's going to see her ex tonight a few days ago. And I know they'll have sex. He lives right opposite of her, while I live two hours away.

Any advice? I've really fallen for her this past month and even though I agreed that we should take things slow as it's only been two weeks, I have a huuuuuuge issue with her hooking up with her ex even though we're not exclusive yet.

Any advice on what I should do?
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Old 10th November 2017, 8:53 AM   #2
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I was in a very similar situation a couple months ago. Here's the thread.

New love interest got back together with ex

Same deal. She lived almost across the street from her ex and I was almost an hour away. It won't work. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Even if she drops him for good and you become exclusive, how can you ever trust her? It's almost guaranteed she will be doing the same exact thing to you in a year or two - sleeping with you while flirting with a new guy...
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Old 10th November 2017, 9:06 AM   #3
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Ewww. I guess, you could just be friends, but I wouldn't keep taking her out. You are just a meal ticket and fun time guy. F-that. I wouldn't even shake her hand! You don't know what was last on it...Fist bump. She is in the party girl mode. Which is fine, but not for you. Look elsewhere. Best of luck.
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Old 10th November 2017, 9:07 AM   #4
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All you can do is put your cards on the table. Tell her that you like her but you can't date her if she's going to continue sleeping with her EX.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:03 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
All you can do is put your cards on the table. Tell her that you like her but you can't date her if she's going to continue sleeping with her EX.
I know but problem is we just started, it's new and I agreed that we should take it slow. It is too early to claim any exclusivity, so isn't me telling her that too fast?

I reeeeeally don't want to **** this up
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:10 AM   #6
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Any advice on what I should do?
Back away slowly. I'll create a diversion so you can make a run for it, but I can't see this ending well
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:17 AM   #7
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Location location location. It really is a factor when it comes to convenience and what someone doesn't feel they need to go without.

Right now, you live 2 hours away. Dude lives across the hall practically. What do you honestly think she's going to do given your proximity?

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Any advice on what I should do?
Rein in your feelings.

She's nowhere near being emotionally or physically done with her ex.

At best, you are a rebound or worse, her emotional tampon.

Find someone closer to where you live.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:17 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Eddie Gonzales View Post
Any advice?
Yes, don't date girls who are sleeping with other people.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:18 AM   #9
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She's broken.....she isn't relationship material at this time in her life. Dating her isn't going to change anything. She's still hooked on her ex, and only wants FWB. She doesn't want anything serious and most certainly not with you either. it's a losing battle and all the showering her with niceties will not make this happen for you. You are wasting your time.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:19 AM   #10
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Yes, don't date girls who are sleeping with other people.
This^^^^ it's a no brainer this is a deal breaker.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:21 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Eddie Gonzales View Post
It is too early to claim any exclusivity, so isn't me telling her that too fast?
Absolutely not. Telling her she can't sleep with her ex would be too fast. Telling her that YOU don't want to date someone who is sleeping with another guy, is totally normal, and sensible.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:28 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Eddie Gonzales View Post
I know but problem is we just started, it's new and I agreed that we should take it slow. It is too early to claim any exclusivity, so isn't me telling her that too fast?

I reeeeeally don't want to **** this up
As far as I can see, you've already f*cked this up

You made the decision to sleep with and fall for someone whose actions clearly tell you that she's not over her ex.

I'm not sure you what more you can expect from her and this 'thing' you have with her.


You still want to make it work with someone like her? Then put it all on the table like d0nnivain said and see what she says. That's about all you can do right now.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:29 AM   #13
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I know but
But nothing. This is all in your head and not necessarily being born out in hers, especially if she's still having sex with her ex.

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problem is we just started, it's new and I agreed that we should take it slow. It is too early to claim any exclusivity, so isn't me telling her that too fast?
Yes. It is too fast and the timing isn't right because she's not emotionally free and clear to be 100% with you. You're happy with scraps and crumbs? Because that's what you're going to be trying to make a full-on meal out of.

She is only 3 months out of that relationship which means they may reconcile and you're more in love with the fantasy of her that you're conjuring 2 hours away from her and not who she actually is: someone who isn't over her ex yet. She's telling you what she thinks you need to hear in order to be her back up plan, but if she was 100% in with you, she wouldn't step foot near him.

You haven't invested much of anything into this outside of imagination, whereas she's got a tangible investment with her ex and it really looks like she's not about giving up on her investment.

Quote:
I reeeeeally don't want to **** this up
She's done it for you. It's **** up already--it was going in with a messy woman who still has unfinished business with her ex--to the point where she's still having sex with him.

And no, she doesn't have to give him up for you because you and she aren't exclusive---but if you did bring that talk to her, you most likely will get pushback from her because she's not ready to be with you. That much is clear through who she is having sex with.

She needs to be done and through the processing of this relationship first before she can be of any good to you.

Stop accepting crumbs or the beta mindset of "waaaaa!!! I'll never get anyone if I don't get her!!!" Dealing with her will surely block a more suitable woman from even casting a thought in your direction because you are acting like "that" guy, and it's not a cute look.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:30 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Eddie Gonzales View Post
Now, I've known this girl a while now. She and I were good friends while she was with her ex. Three months ago they broke up.

We made a deal that I would help her find someone new. During this time, she was still hooking up with her ex at least a couple of times a month. But in some way, somehow, things started developing between me and her and two weeks ago we started dating.

This girl has started calling me once a day, texting me, she even called me when she was drunk yesterday.

However, my huge problem is the fact that she openly told me she's going to see her ex tonight a few days ago. And I know they'll have sex. He lives right opposite of her, while I live two hours away.

Any advice? I've really fallen for her this past month and even though I agreed that we should take things slow as it's only been two weeks, I have a huuuuuuge issue with her hooking up with her ex even though we're not exclusive yet.

Any advice on what I should do?
This is how I see it, she's having sex with the ex still why in the world would you consider such a woman? What I don't get is why educated man like yourself would stood lower than this so of woman. She's cheating on you if you let her but she's going back to the ex even if you two have sex. Seconds is that what you really want from her. I would pass on her in a heartbeat. Why not just keep her as a buddy friend and just don't spend your money on her. She has her sex partner, your just something on the side for her. Tell me that's not that you want to do really?
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:32 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
But nothing. This is all in your head and not necessarily being born out in hers, especially if she's still having sex with her ex.



Yes. It is too fast and the timing isn't right because she's not emotionally free and clear to be 100% with you. You're happy with scraps and crumbs? Because that's what you're going to be trying to make a full-on meal out of.

She is only 3 months out of that relationship which means they may reconcile and you're more in love with the fantasy of her that you're conjuring 2 hours away from her and not who she actually is: someone who isn't over her ex yet. She's telling you what she thinks you need to hear in order to be her back up plan, but if she was 100% in with you, she wouldn't step foot near him.

You haven't invested much of anything into this outside of imagination, whereas she's got a tangible investment with her ex and it really looks like she's not about giving up on her investment.



She's done it for you. It's **** up already--it was going in with a messy woman who still has unfinished business with her ex--to the point where she's still having sex with him.

And no, she doesn't have to give him up for you because you and she aren't exclusive---but if you did bring that talk to her, you most likely will get pushback from her because she's not ready to be with you. That much is clear through who she is having sex with.

She needs to be done and through the processing of this relationship first before she can be of any good to you.

Stop accepting crumbs or the beta mindset of "waaaaa!!! I'll never get anyone if I don't get her!!!" Dealing with her will surely block a more suitable woman from even casting a thought in your direction because you are acting like "that" guy, and it's not a cute look.
Listen to her.. Bad taste if you want sloppy seconds is the word...
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