fred123 Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 Has anyone looked back at a dating/ relationship scenario and thought wow i missed all these red flags no wonder i got dumped or it didnt work out. Does anyone look back and think " wow this makes sense now" and why that person wasnt into you. I look back and think my girl i was with asked me to meet or asked me if i was free once in 7 months. The rest of the time it was me always asking. Probably a ration of 30 to 1. Thats a bad ratio. Along with other red flags youcan see why it makes sense now. Please share stories and examples Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 (edited) I am taking my own advice here that I help others here with. So far so good. Back-off Play it cool Don't say anything stupid Don't rush her Don't text like speed demon Don't call let her call you Don't love so quick don't love yet until she loves you and said to your face! Date a couple of times before you ask her to move in and sleep with you. Listen to her always listen to what they tell you. Let her listen to you when you tell them (cell or in person) Earn Trust Earn Respect Earn Appreciation Earn Loyalty Tell her what you like to eat and maybe she'll cook it for you even if she's rusty Always tell her you appreciate the time she spends with you Always tell her you appreciate her calling you up today Keep it simple, but keep it real No confrontations (arguing, swearing, yelling, shouting, fighting) No lies No cheating (I don't cheat) Give her 100% Priority over your friends if you talking to them she calls you Always pay attention to her out in public Hold the hands when the time is right and not before Don't go for the first kiss Let sex happen when it happens, don't push it with her, and let it takes it course Edited October 22, 2017 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 Yes with time I can always tell the red flags I've ignored. * Not introducing me to anyone * being busy on most dating prime-time * never staying over night * excuses like he needed time 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 My recent ex put up more flags than a theme park. (That's 6 Flags amusement park for the non-Americans among us) What's worse than seeing them in hindsight is being aware of them as they happen, but turning a blind eye to them because you're so stupidly in love that you're not thinking rationally, you really want things to work out, and you delude yourself into believing that they're isolated events that she's genuinely sorry for and will never do again. You're so hopelessly in love that you tell yourself that each and every time she waves another crimson flag in your face. Right now I'm going through "The Anger Phase" of the breakup and some of it is anger at myself for the things I mentioned above. Fortunately I have a productive outlet (I'm an avid weightlifter), but I'm starting to feel sorry for those poor barbells and dumbbells because they never did anything to deserve this kind of treatment. I've been more steamed than if I spent all day in a sauna for the past few days. So to summarize: I didn't miss any. I just let the organ in my chest that has no eyes or brain power do all of my thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
kazen Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 complaining, complaining, complaining.... the specifics don't matter because it will get to every aspect of your life and there's always something she will complain about. I am an easy going guy and I can tolerate whining for a while but looking back, I should see those red flags, once they start complaining, that's when you realize it's not a match. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 Oh yes, things are so much clearer in retrospect aren't they? What did I notice? Well, he seemed to have an anger problem. It was never directed to me, he appeared to have learned how to handle it, but I noticed he was 'managing' himself. At the time, I was bemused by his walking off to calm down, but now I know I should have walked out myself then. I never did suffer abuse but he was very cold when we broke up. Other things this guy did - got cross with me when he came to collect me at work and I was late. I had texted him to say I would be 10 minutes late due to a job at work, but forgot he'd said he left his phone at home that morning. That first sign of anger with me should have been the last time he had time with me. Another guy had more than one mobile phone. This was supposedly because work gave him a new one, in fact several because they were always getting new contracts. Now I think it was possible but more likely that he was putting off several women in the background. He did not invite me to his home. Be wary of anyone if you have not seen them in their home/friends/family context. You really don't know who they are, only who they say they are. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 Let's put it this way: Wanting unprotected sex while ovulating on the 2nd date made things pretty clear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 this is just my previous ex, but many of the same flags run through a few of my past relationships - Getting sexual the first time we met - Losing virginity to me on 2nd date - Mourning loss of a guy she was obsessed with, who never noticed her, who died 2 months before we met - Divorced parents - Weak, submissive father - Feminist indoctrination - Bitter, angry feminist mother - Feminist sister - Drugs in family - Extremely clingy - Many male "orbiters" - Unable to get along with other girls - Depression I loved this girl alot, but damn the red flags were just everywhere, which maybe I saw subconsciously which led me to treating her like crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 All the time of course. Life is complicated of course but things are so much more clear when you're mature rather than young and inexperienced. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 the most recent ex: still lived at home in his 40s had no friends/people spoke badly about him hated his job/life, generally an unhappy person hated being questioned, very defensive/secretive spoke very highly about another woman to me never complimented me/never used endearments i saw the red flags, just ignored them Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I think usually you can see the red flags in real time, you just choose to excuse or downplay them because the person's so damn fine ie you like them lots Link to post Share on other sites
Coffeeguy Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 the most recent ex: still lived at home in his 40s had no friends/people spoke badly about him hated his job/life, generally an unhappy person hated being questioned, very defensive/secretive spoke very highly about another woman to me never complimented me/never used endearments i saw the red flags, just ignored them That sounds like my female ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 I honestly couldn't fully comprehend what I had gotten myself into until it was over and I started searching for answers to behaviors I had never been a part of before. In hindsight it makes perfect sense, but when you're in love you fly blind. At least I did. Link to post Share on other sites
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