Ending a first date with " keep in touch"?

[AnnaN88]

Hi guys,

 

After a few misfortunes with dating I decided to give online dating another go and accepted to go out with a guy met on an app.

I've just come back from a date. The guy was nice, good conversation, we spent a fun evening together. At the end of the date he said the words that no woman wants to hear " it was nice meeting you, keep in touch". No plans made for a second date.

He texted me to ask if I got home safe, but I assume that's all about being polite. He also mentioned that the evening was lovely and so was the conversation.

I don't want to read too much into this, it was only one date, however that " keep in touch" annoyed me a lot and maybe think he was not interested. Not sure if I should text him back.

 

Any thoughts?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Hi guys,

 

After a few misfortunes with dating I decided to give online dating another go and accepted to go out with a guy met on an app.

I've just come back from a date. The guy was nice, good conversation, we spent a fun evening together. At the end of the date he said the words that no woman wants to hear " it was nice meeting you, keep in touch". No plans made for a second date.

He texted me to ask if I got home safe, but I assume that's all about being polite. He also mentioned that the evening was lovely and so was the conversation.

I don't want to read too much into this, it was only one date, however that " keep in touch" annoyed me a lot and maybe think he was not interested. Not sure if I should text him back.

 

Any thoughts?

 

I agree with you. I don't think he's interested. I would text him back just to tell him you're home. Maybe, "home safe, thanks for asking."

[Cookiesandough]

Hard to say. I've gotten "thanks for coming" and still got asked out again. It is possible he isnt sure of your interest or had an awkward moment.

 

I would you you did and thank him for the night anyway if you have not already. Just being polite back. It may open up dialogue for him to ask you out again.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Hard to say. I've gotten "thanks for coming" and still got asked out again. It is possible he isnt sure of your interest or had an awkward moment.

 

I would you you did and thank him for the night anyway if you have not already. Just being polite back. It may open up dialogue for him to ask you out again.

 

Right. He's done nothing wrong to deserve NOT being polite, so make sure you don't burn a bridge.

[AnnaN88]

Hard to say. I've gotten "thanks for coming" and still got asked out again. It is possible he isnt sure of your interest or had an awkward moment.

 

I would you you did and thank him for the night anyway if you have not already. Just being polite back. It may open up dialogue for him to ask you out again.

 

I replied. he said he is having an early night as he is travelling this weekend. We talked about his upcoming trip to Scotland during the date. He seemed chatty but he did not mention anything about a future date, so I just left the conversation fade.

[krakakos]

Hi guys,

 

After a few misfortunes with dating I decided to give online dating another go and accepted to go out with a guy met on an app.

I've just come back from a date. The guy was nice, good conversation, we spent a fun evening together. At the end of the date he said the words that no woman wants to hear " it was nice meeting you, keep in touch". No plans made for a second date.

He texted me to ask if I got home safe, but I assume that's all about being polite. He also mentioned that the evening was lovely and so was the conversation.

I don't want to read too much into this, it was only one date, however that " keep in touch" annoyed me a lot and maybe think he was not interested. Not sure if I should text him back.

 

Any thoughts?

 

My guess is he's probably interested and he didn't wanna come too strong or seem needy. Don't rush to make any conclusions just from that.

[TheFinalWord]

My guess is he's probably interested and he didn't wanna come too strong or seem needy. Don't rush to make any conclusions just from that.

 

Yeah, that was my initial thought as well. I would not get too invested or read too much into things until at least 3 dates.

[Erik30]

I think this could go either way. His words at the end of the date might be a soft rejection, but then again he still texted you and said he had a good time. (I would leave that part out if I wasn't interested)

 

I never ask for a second date during the first, because I don't like to put the girl on the spot, in case she's not into me. Maybe he's the same way.

 

I would just wait and see if he contacts you again. If you don't hear anything these coming days, he's not interested.

[Cobra_X]

Hi guys,

After a few misfortunes with dating I decided to give online dating another go and accepted to go out with a guy met on an app.

I've just come back from a date. The guy was nice, good conversation, we spent a fun evening together. At the end of the date he said the words that no woman wants to hear " it was nice meeting you, keep in touch". No plans made for a second date.

He texted me to ask if I got home safe, but I assume that's all about being polite. He also mentioned that the evening was lovely and so was the conversation.

I don't want to read too much into this, it was only one date, however that " keep in touch" annoyed me a lot and maybe think he was not interested. Not sure if I should text him back.

Any thoughts?

 

Do you like the guy? If you like him then don't be lazy. Text him randomly for a week or so and see if he gets around to asking you out. If he doesn't then move on. If he does then he obviously likes you.

 

Never pay attention to what people say... instead watch what they do!

[Romantic_Antics]

I can't say I've ever ended a date with that particular phrase, but saying "keep in touch" isn't necessarily a kiss of death either. After all, he is suggesting that there will be future contact, inviting it, and then following it up with a nice message asking you if you made it home ok. Maybe he caught a case of the jitters and wasn't sure if you would be interested in a second date and that was just his somewhat awkward way of at least keeping the possibility open?

 

It's tough to say with so little information.

 

It would've been better if he'd said something along the lines of, "I had a really nice time tonight. We should do this again sometime", but I could see the possibility of what he did say as nothing more than a nervous slip up. Don't write him off - he was at least polite - and if you're really interested in him it couldn't hurt to shoot him a text on Sunday or Monday thanking him again for the date and asking him how his weekend went. If he responds back and asks you about yours then you'll at least know he's interested and if he doesn't pick up the phone to call (what I would do) you could always make the bold move of texting a flirty "So when will I get to see you again, mister? ;)" or "So when are you taking me out again? ;)". That's up to you and your personality, but it at least gives a potentially gun-shy guy a chance and you'll definitely know where you stand after that.

[mortensorchid]

He is saying to you when he says "keep in touch" or "good luck" that he had a nice evening with you, but this is the end. He liked you but he's just a friend he will not be your lover.

 

Texting has now made us a bit crazy because it's a passive way to communicate not a direct one. If you have a get together with someone (OLD or otherwise) and they send a text the next day or a few hours later saying "I had a nice time" and do not punctuate it with "I hope we will do it again" or the like, they are just being polite. If he's serious about you, he will call you. Texting is a passive form of communication, not a direct one. It will NOT replace the phone call.

 

So that's that with the above mentioned one. Move on.

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with Mortonorchid, except that he is going on vacation so maybe his mind is a little preoccupied. I still think he would be setting up a second date or at least alluding to it. Guess we'll have to wait and find out

[AnnaN88]

Do you like the guy? If you like him then don't be lazy. Text him randomly for a week or so and see if he gets around to asking you out. If he doesn't then move on. If he does then he obviously likes you.

 

Never pay attention to what people say... instead watch what they do!

 

I thought he has nice. I am not sure if I like him or not in a romantic way, but I wouldn't mind meeting again.

I will wait for him to make a move if he wants to see me again. If not, oh well, it is not the end of the world

[AnnaN88]

I agree with Mortonorchid, except that he is going on vacation so maybe his mind is a little preoccupied. I still think he would be setting up a second date or at least alluding to it. Guess we'll have to wait and find out

 

I will keep you updated. He did asked me when I was off, what my schedule was but then he did not come up with anything.

I also have to say that I have cancelled/postponed twice our " date" because I was too busy with work. Not sure if this made him think that I wasn't that interested after all...

[Romantic_Antics]

I will keep you updated. He did asked me when I was off, what my schedule was

 

Well that's actually a good sign. He's only asking you that for one reason. Guess what it is?

 

Hint: A date.

 

I also have to say that I have cancelled/postponed twice our " date" because I was too busy with work. Not sure if this made him think that I wasn't that interested after all...

It's entirely possible. That may have been why he didn't pull the trigger on asking you out for a second date with a little more gusto than "keep in touch". He might have been worried about rejection/unsure of your interest level.

 

I say do the "text him on Sunday or Monday" routine I described above if he hasn't contacted you before then. This gives you an opportunity to show him that you are interested in the event he's unsure. If his interest level is there as well then hello second date. If not, then you've made no wrong moves by thanking him again for a nice time and/or asking him how his weekend went. Good luck!

[AnnaN88]

Well that's actually a good sign. He's only asking you that for one reason. Guess what it is?

 

Hint: A date.

 

 

It's entirely possible. That may have been why he didn't pull the trigger on asking you out for a second date with a little more gusto than "keep in touch". He might have been worried about rejection/unsure of your interest level.

 

I say do the "text him on Sunday or Monday" routine I described above if he hasn't contacted you before then. This gives you an opportunity to show him that you are interested in the event he's unsure. If his interest level is there as well then hello second date. If not, then you've made no wrong moves by thanking him again for a nice time and/or asking him how his weekend went. Good luck!

 

Thanks for your advice! The guy is going on holiday this weekend, I think he will be back by the end of next week. Should I try to text him when he is back?

[guest569]

People on these boards are obsessed with locking a date down by scheduling a second during the date. I disagree with it and none of my relationships started that way. Theee is always an anxious wait after a first date, just be patient and see what happens.

 

The only time a guy schedule a set time and date for a second date, he flaked. I've also had a guy that flaked after saying "we should do this again". I've had a second date and relationship with a guy who said "see you soon" which I didn't expect. Relax!

[act00]

I'm glad you wrote him back. I think it's at least polite to respond and say thank you, but stating you had a really nice time, and even stating you hope to see him again, won't hurt you, even if he's not interested. I agree, I'd be a little put off and confused by "keep in touch," but people don't always say the right things when they're nervous. With your cancellations of the past, I can relate to him not nailing down a second date or expressing interest right then and there because that can be a sign of noninterest, and he doesn't want to put you on the spot or face rejection face-to-face.

 

Asking for your schedule is promising. I would suggest you contact him after his trip and ask how it went, and if he contacts you during his trip, feel free to write him back. If he's a bit unsure about your feelings, your responses, and even texting first, will make him more secure.

 

I think smiley's post is interesting. I have not found this to be the case, but I'm a girl, so maybe it's a little different. I've had the "I'll call you," even with some kissing at the end, but they don't text or call, but I have never had someone flake on me if they express interest in another date (not a maybe phrase, like "I'll call" or "keep in touch") or if they plan a date. I met someone the other night, and he brought up a serious topic right away, "What are you looking for," because he's found that the women he has dated so far suddenly "don't want anything serious," and he really doesn't want to invest a lot of time in flaky behavior, but also isn't looking for immediate girlfriend either, if that makes sense, and he also asked about seeing each other again, to which I responded that I would really like that. Now, bringing up these things could lead to a woman running for the hills or rejection, but he seems to be kind of "rip off the Band-Aid," over dancing around maybe's, and I appreciate that, and he's willing to take the risk. We have another date set up, scheduled post-date, and I'm looking forward to it, though I have reservations, but let's not overthink things.

 

In any case, I always text a thank you and I had a great time if I'm interested, even if I'm not sure he is or not. Dating has risks, and you have to put yourself out there a little.

[Romantic_Antics]

Thanks for your advice! The guy is going on holiday this weekend, I think he will be back by the end of next week. Should I try to text him when he is back?

 

Yep. Same plan, just shifted to accommodate his vacation plans.

[AnnaN88]

I'm glad you wrote him back. I think it's at least polite to respond and say thank you, but stating you had a really nice time, and even stating you hope to see him again, won't hurt you, even if he's not interested. I agree, I'd be a little put off and confused by "keep in touch," but people don't always say the right things when they're nervous. With your cancellations of the past, I can relate to him not nailing down a second date or expressing interest right then and there because that can be a sign of noninterest, and he doesn't want to put you on the spot or face rejection face-to-face.

 

Asking for your schedule is promising. I would suggest you contact him after his trip and ask how it went, and if he contacts you during his trip, feel free to write him back. If he's a bit unsure about your feelings, your responses, and even texting first, will make him more secure.

 

I think smiley's post is interesting. I have not found this to be the case, but I'm a girl, so maybe it's a little different. I've had the "I'll call you," even with some kissing at the end, but they don't text or call, but I have never had someone flake on me if they express interest in another date (not a maybe phrase, like "I'll call" or "keep in touch") or if they plan a date. I met someone the other night, and he brought up a serious topic right away, "What are you looking for," because he's found that the women he has dated so far suddenly "don't want anything serious," and he really doesn't want to invest a lot of time in flaky behavior, but also isn't looking for immediate girlfriend either, if that makes sense, and he also asked about seeing each other again, to which I responded that I would really like that. Now, bringing up these things could lead to a woman running for the hills or rejection, but he seems to be kind of "rip off the Band-Aid," over dancing around maybe's, and I appreciate that, and he's willing to take the risk. We have another date set up, scheduled post-date, and I'm looking forward to it, though I have reservations, but let's not overthink things.

 

In any case, I always text a thank you and I had a great time if I'm interested, even if I'm not sure he is or not. Dating has risks, and you have to put yourself out there a little.

 

Interesting and good luck with your date!

My experiences with dating were a bit similar with Smile's ones. The guys who were very keen/flirty/ready to schedule were the ones who were more likely to flake, usually not before the 2nd date, but after a few dates if sex was not in the equation. On the other hand, being too passive is clearly a sign of lack of interest.

In this case I will wait and see.

[dumbass2]

Since you cancelled a few times on the 1st date, I would say you might want to try and set up the second date and not wait for him.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I never ask for a second date during the first, because I don't like to put the girl on the spot, in case she's not into me. Maybe he's the same way.

 

I ALWAYS ask for a second, subsequent date before I depart from the current. This is a little tricky and perhaps a little too aggressive on my part, but I haven't found a reason to change.

 

OP, I really believe he is being polite and letting you know that he is not interested in having a relationship with you. I don't even go as far as to say "stay in touch" as it is disingenuous. To me, it sounds ambivalent.

[Romantic_Antics]

I ALWAYS ask for a second, subsequent date before I depart from the current. This is a little tricky and perhaps a little too aggressive on my part, but I haven't found a reason to change.

 

OP, I really believe he is being polite and letting you know that he is not interested in having a relationship with you. I don't even go as far as to say "stay in touch" as it is disingenuous. To me, it sounds ambivalent.

 

And yet he still asked her when she was off and what her schedule is. He wouldn't be asking that if he wasn't interested in a second date.

 

I'm like you and I always end a date with somebody I'm interested in with some variation of, "I had a really nice time tonight. We should do this again sometime", but not everybody operates that way as you can see from Erik's comment alone. In the case of the OP, she did cancel/reschedule their first date twice so the guy might have been uncertain of her interest level and failed to seal the deal on a second date at the end of the first one. Remember, too, that he texted her to make sure she made it home ok. Some could dismiss that as him simply being polite, but in general you wouldn't do that unless you liked the person, and you certainly wouldn't be asking them about their upcoming schedule and days off if you weren't interested in them.

 

Either way, she makes no wrong moves here by following up with a text asking him how his trip went.

Edited October 12, 2017 by Romantic_Antics

[Versacehottie]

People on these boards are obsessed with locking a date down by scheduling a second during the date. I disagree with it and none of my relationships started that way. Theee is always an anxious wait after a first date, just be patient and see what happens.

 

The only time a guy schedule a set time and date for a second date, he flaked. I've also had a guy that flaked after saying "we should do this again". I've had a second date and relationship with a guy who said "see you soon" which I didn't expect. Relax!

 

good points. I agree that not every guy does exactly the same thing (or girl for that matter). Some people don't set up the next date because they are not planners, and a bunch of other various reasons.

 

for the OP, i think it's important to conduct YOUR END the way you would to get what you want to happen rather than worry about him not being interested or overly worry about what things mean. Such as, in responding to his "hope you got home ok" text. It would be a great time to show a lot of appreciation, enthusiasm, flirting and personality. It's kinda boring, i.e. adds no good tension, if daters just follow the current scripts of how dates are conducted with similar expectations, timelines, and verbal lines. In the course of texting the same night but after the date, i personally think it's smart (dating-wise) to bring back up something that was talked about between you two and either make an inside joke or a reference to future plans together or ask him to update you on something he talked about from his life. It shows engagement, true interest and your personality and hopefully creates a bond that has you standing out compared to whoever else he is dating or his standard for a good date, an excellent or interesting person. Goodluck

[heavenonearth]

People on these boards are obsessed with locking a date down by scheduling a second during the date. I disagree with it and none of my relationships started that way. Theee is always an anxious wait after a first date, just be patient and see what happens.

 

The only time a guy schedule a set time and date for a second date, he flaked. I've also had a guy that flaked after saying "we should do this again". I've had a second date and relationship with a guy who said "see you soon" which I didn't expect. Relax!

 

I agree. During my first date with my current bf, we didn't talk about a second date at all. But we texted from the moment I got on the train after he brought me to the station after our first date. And then, three days later, after three days of intense texting, he wrote "do you want to see me again?" And I wrote "of course you doofus" and then three days after that, we had our second date.

but we had sparks flying even before our first date, so that was easy.

However, even though we had both super strong interest in each other, we didn't ask for second date during first date.

 

I also once went on a great first date with a guy who said he wanted to see me again soon, and then we had a great second date and then a great third date and then he never called again.

 

There is no recipe for success. Feelings, or lack of them, get in the way most of the time. )) they dictate how people act.