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Old 2nd October 2017, 5:37 AM   #1
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Hey, so I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and over these months we've been happy. I have the tendency to read into things, the other week I panicked as I thought he was losing interest (which I now realise he wasn't) my anxiety showed and I could tell he thought I wanted to break up with him,now he is being slightly off/different with me. It's strange to see him change towards me, I just want us to be back to normal.

Any advice or maybe even reassurance that my boyfriend will feel okay towards me again, thanks
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Old 2nd October 2017, 5:43 AM   #2
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You need to talk to him about it. Otherwise your anxiety will cause your relationship to end. It will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 5:44 AM   #3
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Did you talk to him about what happened to you?

Did your personality really run so high in the other direction it knocked him off-kilter? I mean, he thought you were breaking up with him. What did you do/say that caused this? Did you accuse him in anger or in an emotional outburst? Was there major drama?

I would back off too. I mean, if you're on the verge of breaking up or acting like it, it causes a loss of trust in your feelings and where the relationship is going. He's probably just hoping for the best and trying not to be too pushy, too needy, or taking a step back on his investment because there really is no point if you're a tick away from dumping him. If you got crazy emotional over "nothing," he may be deciding if he wants to continue this relationship, especially if this is not the first time you've done this.

Things should go back to normal, and you need to work on how you manage your anxieties and fears. It's perfectly normal to have these feelings, but not so good if you're irrational and emotional when he didn't do anything. He can adjust his behavior if you present, rationally, what is bothering you and why.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 5:50 AM   #4
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Well I just assume he thought I wanted to break up with him by his face. Nothing major happened, no drama, we're both chilled out people. I just went quiet one morning and then at dinner I must have have the impression of being anxious when we were chatting about an up coming holiday. It all sounds pathetic, nothing is bothering me. I just over read into his body language last week and over analysed in my head. I hope you're right, thank you
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:06 AM   #5
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Over thinking

Hey, can I get some advice please? Ive been with my boyfriend nearly 9 months and I've been happy, we both have. I panicked the other week as I thought his body language was different, edging away from me slightly when I'd get close. I read into this all week, read articles about if he's losing interest and then we met again that week, I showed an anxious facial expression when we were chatting about an up coming holiday. This freaked him out, I could tell. He's now been reading into me and acting a bit off, he's not been as chatty on messages and I thought he was a bit off with me over the weekend. I can't rest and don't know if I should let this blow over, or remind him that I love him and I've had no doubts about our relationship. This seems minor, but I feel it's making him and me unhappy, I just want us to be back to normal.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:12 AM   #6
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Have a conversation with him. Tell him (in a non accusing way) that you feel as if he has been acting distant, and ask if there's a reason for it. Remind him how you feel for him, and ask if it is something that you can work out together.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:19 AM   #7
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You've been with him for 9 months and you can't have a conversation about your comfort level in the relationship?

If you can't, then you don't have what you think you have with him.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:48 AM   #8
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I feel that I could talk to him about it, but I don't want to create drama. I just want to carry on being me without all this, or having to bring it up.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 9:03 AM   #9
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If it's bothering you, you should speak to him about it, and you should feel comfortable enough in your relationship to do that without feeling as if you are creating drama. Unfortunately sometimes these things do come up in relationships. But the worst way to handle it is by sweeping it under the rug and pretending everything is fine. There's a reason people say communication is so important!
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Old 3rd October 2017, 9:27 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MajesticUnicorn View Post
If it's bothering you, you should speak to him about it, and you should feel comfortable enough in your relationship to do that without feeling as if you are creating drama. Unfortunately sometimes these things do come up in relationships. But the worst way to handle it is by sweeping it under the rug and pretending everything is fine. There's a reason people say communication is so important!
Exactly what I was going to say.

OP, now's a good time to see if you and your BF have the communication skills necessary to sustain a relationship. Consider this an exercise in relationship health!
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Old 3rd October 2017, 9:40 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catherine1 View Post
Hey, can I get some advice please? Ive been with my boyfriend nearly 9 months and I've been happy, we both have. I panicked the other week as I thought his body language was different, edging away from me slightly when I'd get close. I read into this all week, read articles about if he's losing interest and then we met again that week, I showed an anxious facial expression when we were chatting about an up coming holiday. This freaked him out, I could tell. He's now been reading into me and acting a bit off, he's not been as chatty on messages and I thought he was a bit off with me over the weekend. I can't rest and don't know if I should let this blow over, or remind him that I love him and I've had no doubts about our relationship. This seems minor, but I feel it's making him and me unhappy, I just want us to be back to normal.
I have a hard time understanding the dynamic of this 9 months relationship.

After 9 months you should be comfortable enough to point something to your boyfriend right when it's happening. If my boyfriend's body would shift on opposite direction I'd ask him right there Honey, is everything alright I feel a distance? That's not creating drama, there is no need to 'confront', you are just being kind and sensitive in your approach.

When people don't address the little things right away it accumulates then it gets bigger and bigger in their mind and eventually they blow up and that's when drama is created.

I find there is too much non-verbal and assumptions in this 9 month relationship, as if you've just been dating a couple of weeks.
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Last edited by Gaeta; 3rd October 2017 at 9:42 AM..
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