New GF just quit her job.

[dtla1992]

We've been dating for about 5 weeks so we're still in that early stage where there is probably anxiety on both sides between dates. I was out of town for 2 weeks and just got back Sunday night. She texted me Saturday night that she missed me and really wanted to see me. I told her I was thinking about her every day but I didn't make any definite plans because I kinda needed a little time to get settled once I was back in town. She works MWF and goes to school on Tuesday and Thursday. It was kinda implied we'd see each other Tuesday as that has become the pattern already.

 

Well we texted late Sunday night after I got back but she passed out mid convo. Monday she replies to my text from Sunday night but also tells me she just quit her job. She's been telling me since we met that she hates her boss and apparently an incident on Monday was the final straw and she just walked out. She stated her "life is in shambles". I didn't really know what to say other than to empathize with her and offer to help any way I can. Her last text to me was "You don't need to do anything. I'll figure it out. I'm just kinda shocked right now". I replied "Of course I don't have to but I like helping people so let me know if there is anything I can do."

 

I haven't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. So obviously we're not seeing each other tonight. What do I do here? Just wait for her to reach out to me again? I don't want to be a distraction but I also want to be there for her. If the same thing happened to me, I'd probably go running to her at this point. Am I selfish for just wanting to see her when she maybe needs some space right now?

[Popsicle]

What do I do here? Just wait for her to reach out to me again?

 

Yes, just wait for her. Give her space. In a couple of days, you can reach out to her to ask her how she's doing and gently volunteer to take her out to get her mind off of it, but don't pressure her or make her feel guilty. She needs time and space.

[mortensorchid]

Hope this turns out okay for you both.

[shellybing]

We've been dating for about 5 weeks so we're still in that early stage where there is probably anxiety on both sides between dates. I was out of town for 2 weeks and just got back Sunday night. She texted me Saturday night that she missed me and really wanted to see me. I told her I was thinking about her every day but I didn't make any definite plans because I kinda needed a little time to get settled once I was back in town. She works MWF and goes to school on Tuesday and Thursday. It was kinda implied we'd see each other Tuesday as that has become the pattern already.

 

Well we texted late Sunday night after I got back but she passed out mid convo. Monday she replies to my text from Sunday night but also tells me she just quit her job. She's been telling me since we met that she hates her boss and apparently an incident on Monday was the final straw and she just walked out. She stated her "life is in shambles". I didn't really know what to say other than to empathize with her and offer to help any way I can. Her last text to me was "You don't need to do anything. I'll figure it out. I'm just kinda shocked right now". I replied "Of course I don't have to but I like helping people so let me know if there is anything I can do."

 

I haven't heard from her since yesterday afternoon. So obviously we're not seeing each other tonight. What do I do here? Just wait for her to reach out to me again? I don't want to be a distraction but I also want to be there for her. If the same thing happened to me, I'd probably go running to her at this point. Am I selfish for just wanting to see her when she maybe needs some space right now?

 

It is not your duty to support a very new and very early relationship.

 

It sounds to me like she just needs to get her self together, but in some cases women do this in hopes of moving in with their man. I would be on the lookout for her asking to move in, or hanging out at your place more. If she does so, and casually starts spending more time in your place and begins leaving things there, I would see it as a red flag. I have dated 3 men who started off that way, just looking for an out to their jobs and a place to live. If you aren't ready for that, be on the lookout for these red flags.

 

Offering help seems to be a genuine gesture, and i think at this point so early in a relationship you have done what you can do.

 

On the other hand, if you are in love with this girl and she loves you, and you feel it is genuine, realize that it will be your duty to support your partner in hard times, given you take the relationship that far. It is all about a little give and take.

 

5 weeks seems to be too soon for that though, imo.

 

I hope she just gets herself together and finds a new job, but likely she will be trying to move in with you and get supported.

[S2B]

Call and ask her to go out.

 

See her face to face and be supportive. Chat with her and brainstorm about what her plan. Discussing ideas out loud is often helpful.

[Darren Steez]

Wait a few days call her and ask her out for drinks or whatever. If she declines then wait until she calls you. Sucks but if she's into you she'll lean on you for support or at least talk to you. If she goes full NC for a couple of days then it's tough because you don't want to keep bombing her with messages if she wants to be left alone.

[dtla1992]

She was so lovey dovey on Saturday night and we were both really looking forward to seeing each other. She wasn't distant on Monday but definitely emotional about what happened at work. But now it's been silence going on 36 hours now. After seeing each other a ton before leaving town, now we haven't see each other in over two weeks and this text silence is the longest no contact since we met. I guess what makes this especially hard is that I took the day off today anticipating seeing her but all I've been left with is to sit here pondering all day...

[QWANROW]

offer her a job

[USNCVN72]

While i very much agree with Shellybing above... there's nothing keeping you from texting her and just seeing what she's been up to or how she's doing.

[CryForNoOne]

I get the sense that your worried that she's losing interest in you or something. I don't see how losing her job would have any bearing on that whatsoever. Just read some of the posts by the women on here, and take her perspective for a sec. From everything you described, she's really into you. She's also really distressed about losing her job. That's a pretty big deal. She also said her life is in shambles. So maybe there is some other stuff going on that you may or may not know about. She's probably feeling depressed and pretty unattractive right now. Maybe she's terrified that you might lose interest and wants to get her $h!t together before seeing you again. If you've given her a couple days I see no reason not to text or call her. You're not being pushy. She probably just needs a couple days to herself. Suggest seeing each other but just don't get pushy or insist on it.

[Popsicle]

She was so lovey dovey on Saturday night and we were both really looking forward to seeing each other. She wasn't distant on Monday but definitely emotional about what happened at work. But now it's been silence going on 36 hours now. After seeing each other a ton before leaving town, now we haven't see each other in over two weeks and this text silence is the longest no contact since we met. I guess what makes this especially hard is that I took the day off today anticipating seeing her but all I've been left with is to sit here pondering all day...

 

I understand but she's going through some bigger things.

[d0nnivain]

A student who quits a PT job is not the same thing as a self supporting adult who quits a FT job. She's always hated her boss so she took action.

 

As a college kid I was getting sexual harassed by the boss's son. Not knowing what else to do about it, I quit. It was the path of least resistance & the best decision a 19 year old could make. It was not a pattern for my life.

 

When she said her "life was in shambles" she wanted some TLC -- not monetary support -- from her new BF. Instead, after saying "is there anything I can do because I like helping people" you have done nothing. She is properly sitting there thinking "gee, I lost my job & my new BF all in the same day." She doesn't need space. She needs a hug. She also doesn't need to dissect her financial position with you; you are new BF not her dad or her accountant.

 

Better move: send her some cheerful flowers & a sweet note about things getting better. Plan a fun but cheap date to cheer her up. Do not plan an expensive date because you do not want to give her the impression that you will solely finance her social life in a lavish way while she's unemployed. Do make it a date full of laughter; maybe play mini golf, take a hike, go to a comedy club on a Monday when it's cheap for open mike with new comedians.