CryForNoOne Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I met her Monday night from OKC and our one drink turned into dinner. I stupidly forgot my wallet in the car and it was a very long walk back but she insisted on treating and said "Just buy the next one". I walked her to her car and we made out before she left. I think that was more the alcohol though as I'm not interested in seeing her again. We texted to make sure each got home safely Monday, but I didn't text her at all yesterday. She texted me last night "Hi! I had a good time. Thank you." I haven't replied. I don't want to go NC but I don't want to see her again. I also feel awful she treated but don't want to go on a second date just to reciprocate - that would be leading her on. Do I offer to Paypal half or all? That seems insulting too... Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 What's wrong with you? Why don't you want to take her out again as the next one is on you. You too are still friends only take her out as a friend. Text her and say hi. Don't be rude. I would like to know why you don't like her? She did everything a woman should do? Go on the second date and see what happens. How cold you leave the wallet in the vehicle, that's not good what happen if she didn't have her money/cc with her you would be stuck. Man-up and take her out again. OKC woman aren't the best dates I have never really found anyone I would be with today from there. I had to do it for real and not online.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 You don't owe her anything except the forthrightness of telling her that you aren't interested. Women let guys pay all the time & don't expect to repay them for dinner even if they never want to see the guy again. If you paid & still didn't want to see her again, she wouldn't be sweating this. It's the cost of doing business. Tell her thanks but no thanks then let money go. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 You don't owe her anything, that's true, but karma is a b. The universe keeps score. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 if she makes comment about the money after you tell her there will be no second date, use that opportunity to make it right and offer to at least pay half. Be sincere when you tell her. Next time don't make out with them if you have no interest in see them again....that's stringing her along IMO. How would you like it if someone did that to you? making you think the date was successful and giving you hope? That would suck wouldn't it? 19 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Next time don't make out with them if you have no interest in see them again....that's stringing her along IMO. How would you like it if someone did that to you? making you think the date was successful and giving you hope? That would suck wouldn't it? Yes. I agree. That was dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 What's wrong with you? Why don't you want to take her out again as the next one is on you. You too are still friends only take her out as a friend. Text her and say hi. Don't be rude. I would like to know why you don't like her? She did everything a woman should do? Go on the second date and see what happens. How cold you leave the wallet in the vehicle, that's not good what happen if she didn't have her money/cc with her you would be stuck. Man-up and take her out again. OKC woman aren't the best dates I have never really found anyone I would be with today from there. I had to do it for real and not online.. Why do I have to go out with her again if I'm not attracted to her? Yes, she did everything a woman should do, but I'm not into her. I really don't need to give my reasons. I think seeing her again would be doing a greater disservice as I would be leading her on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Tell her you're not interested and if she makes a fuss about treating you, pay half. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I don't see what you did wrong? Even making out. Sorry, but it's time people realize that just because someone kisses you or even has sex with you doesn't mean that they are obligated to see you again following that. If you're not interested just tell her you aren't interested. Don't bring up the second date she suggested herself and remember to bring your wallet on dates (that would have made me lose a ton of interest) Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 You don't owe her anything, that's true, but karma is a b. The universe keeps score. As long as we're talking about potentially ghosting her leading to karmic consequences, I agree, karma is a B. But there aren't any karmic consequences of saying thanks but no thanks to a second date. Quite the opposite. Making out after a date is not a commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Why do I have to go out with her again if I'm not attracted to her? Yes, she did everything a woman should do, but I'm not into her. I really don't need to give my reasons. I think seeing her again would be doing a greater disservice as I would be leading her on. Why did you take her out, if you felt this way you used her or just player games with them. You kiss her and she kisses you. I think you just wanted to go out. But she wanted to go out and get to know you. Now she's text and you don't answer her. Then you have to do the right thing her. Be a gentlemen call her and say thanks for the nice night I had fun, but I feel i am not attracted to you. I wish you the best, but never say you can do better than me that's insult. I feel things more than others here I have a gift and I can pick up things. End this the right way or just have no communication with her. I know your reasons already.. You don't have to say it... But give her a goodbye. It's now up to you do the right thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 You do what ever you want as long as you can live with yourself afterwards. We get so many threads on "The date went great! and they said definitely there will be a second date", but hasn't asked me out yet, gave me short answers to my text, why did they ghost on me? we even made out, I thought they were interested, what happened? There was chemistry between us, but I haven't heard from them or took them a few days to respond to my text, they used to text me everyday, now nothing. I can go on and on. It's just better to cut to the chase and be done with it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I don't see what you did wrong? Even making out. Sorry, but it's time people realize that just because someone kisses you or even has sex with you doesn't mean that they are obligated to see you again following that. If you're not interested just tell her you aren't interested. Don't bring up the second date she suggested herself and remember to bring your wallet on dates (that would have made me lose a ton of interest) I've had two women do this to me (fool around and say no to a second date). I agree they owe me nothing and I really didn't care. I was understandably curious though but realize it could have been any of a number of reasons. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Tell her, God, I feel like such a heel, but wanted to let you know I just met someone I'm smitten with, so going to try to keep things simple and not see other women to give it the best chance, but I feel bad and owe you money, so I'm sending it through Paypal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Tell her, God, I feel like such a heel, but wanted to let you know I just met someone I'm smitten with, so going to try to keep things simple and not see other women to give it the best chance, but I feel bad and owe you money, so I'm sending it through Paypal. Good idea.... Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) Dude, don't make her sit around wondering about how interested you are or not interested you are. You two got physically intimate and, in spite of what other posters say here, many still consider that a positive sign of interest. So you need to get on this pronto. She sounds like a kind person for covering for your dinner so you owe her your honesty more than the 10 or 20 bucks. And not to lay a guilt trip on you or anyone else, but can we all just please recognize that kissing someone still indicates to many a sign of interest? Can we all agree to consider that before going forward with it? It's just common courtesy and shows a basic level of caring for others. Edited August 23, 2017 by bachdude 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 As long as we're talking about potentially ghosting her leading to karmic consequences, I agree, karma is a B. But there aren't any karmic consequences of saying thanks but no thanks to a second date. Quite the opposite. Making out after a date is not a commitment. I'm talking about the leaving the wallet in the car, her paying and him agreeing to get it the next time... instead of saying "follow me to the ATM and I'll pay my half of the bill". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I agree that kissing indicates interest However, unless the woman makes a fuss when the OP says thanks but no thanks (which he has to do rather than ghost) he doesn't owe her for the meal. There isn't a woman in the world who would think after the fact that she owed the guy the money; on the spot, sure -- some women, especially ones not interested want to pay half or the whole thing. I have paid for several meals just to make sure I could get away from the guy faster. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) Originally Posted by lurker74 As long as we're talking about potentially ghosting her leading to karmic consequences, I agree, karma is a B. But there aren't any karmic consequences of saying thanks but no thanks to a second date. Quite the opposite. Making out after a date is not a commitment. I'm talking about the leaving the wallet in the car, her paying and him not saying "follow me to the ATM and I'll pay my half of the bill". and his isn't ghosting. Ghosting happens when a relationship has been established and agreed to and they evaporate. Edited August 23, 2017 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I'm talking about the leaving the wallet in the car, her paying and him agreeing to get it the next time... instead of saying "follow me to the ATM and I'll pay my half of the bill". see above--I changed that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 and his isn't ghosting. Ghosting happens when a relationship has been established and agreed to and they evaporate. I disagree. I think anytime somebody disappears without definitively saying goodbye it's ghosting. One date including a make out session where the lady point blank indicated there would be a next time mandates a definitive no thanks response. Disappearing in that setting is ghosting IMO. Somebody who does that it an established relationship . . . .OMG! that would be the height of rude / insensitive / cowardice to me. I could probably forgive cheating before I could forgive that. Ugh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I'd call her up and tell her after you got home and thought about it you realized you have too much going on in your life right now to go on a second date with her. And then tell her you really appreciate her picking up the check but that you plan to pay your half of it. Then follow through. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Don't do anything at all. If she contacts you, tell her that you aren't feeling it. Stop doing dinner for first dates. Remember your wallet next time. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I'd call her up and tell her after you got home and thought about it you realized you have too much going on in your life right now to go on a second date with her. And then tell her you really appreciate her picking up the check but that you plan to pay your half of it. Then follow through. best answer on this thread 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 best answer on this thread Don't give the standard nebulous woman response. This sounds good to females because they will use it. She may take this as not right now but maybe later. Just say you don't want to continue. At least be firm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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