Don't Judge Me - is it over?

[Moslem]

So I met this girl in June of 2017. We hit it off. We went out on dates and it was an equally reciprocal relationship. She would ask me to go places, I would ask her. It was not one sided. It was going so well we planned to go for a little weekend together away somewhere. Mind you, at this point we had yet to kiss or anything. So the day as we're supposed to go the flight is cancelled and we don't end up going anywhere. It didn't end there. We had a bit of a fight. I complained that we hadn't kissed or anything yet and I don't know where we stand or anything. Very confusing! So, she says okay then for now why don't we just take a break because I just got out of a bad relationship.

 

That didn't last very long. She called the next day and explained about her old relationship, very bad. And just asked for my patience. I said okay. I had to go anyway for business for 8 days out of the country. We stayed in touch while I was away. The night after I got back, we went to a nice dinner together. Everything seemed fine. She did say to me that she didn't know where we were going with this relationship but she really likes me.

 

So that's all good. She told me I confuse her too much. So we went our sperare ways that night and later by text had an argument about that whole confusion comment. Two days later I had to leave again, for ten days for business. Before I left we had another argument about I don't even remember. I ended up just blocking her and saying I was done with it. I had assumed she had found someone else because she didn't seem nearly as interested any more. (Mind you, she also has started a new job recently).

 

So, her birthday is coming up and we had been planning to go somewhere since we still had credit from the previous trip that was cancelled. She couldn't get the time off. So I don't really believe that she can't get the time off. So I told her if she wants to keep lying to me then we have no purpose to even talk. On Monday, in three days - she is doing a photo shoot (that she offered to do) of my mother. I don't really know WHY she wants to, but she's a photographer for a bit magazine and just asked me if my mother wanted to do a photo shoot with her. Of course, my mother said yes. (My mom is visiting from 8 hours away where we live - 8 hour flight). So after the whole vacation again not happening she says she still wants to do the photoshot with my mother. I told her I don't really see a point since we're really not on good terms but she wants to.

 

I don't know where to go with this. Every time we talk it ends up in an argument. I told her that I don't want to keep fighting with her, and that we used to get along so nice and her only answer was "See You OnMonday" with a smiley face. I don't know what the hell im doing here. What is your suggestions?

[d0nnivain]

It's been 2 months & you haven't kissed yet?! That alone would have me out the door. It makes no sense to me that you would go away with a woman that you haven't even kissed. Talk about putting the cart before the horse.

 

 

Let her do the photo shoot of your mom. It might be fun for your mom. Get the digital memory card & never speak to this woman again. She doesn't have a clue about what's she's doing or what she wants.

[Robratory]

I don't know where to go with this. Every time we talk it ends up in an argument. I told her that I don't want to keep fighting with her, and that we used to get along so nice and her only answer was "See You OnMonday" with a smiley face. I don't know what the hell im doing here. What is your suggestions?

 

Do you like that? If not, put an end to it. Remove yourself from this girl. That's all you can do. You can't change the way she is.

 

And if by any chance she asks you why you've put distance between you and her, tell her honestly, "Because you're crazy."

[elaine567]

It's been 2 months & you haven't kissed yet?! That alone would have me out the door. It makes no sense to me that you would go away with a woman that you haven't even kissed. Talk about putting the cart before the horse.

Let her do the photo shoot of your mom. It might be fun for your mom. Get the digital memory card & never speak to this woman again. She doesn't have a clue about what's she's doing or what she wants.

 

This is the woman who was raped in her last relationship approx 8 months ago so it is hardly any wonder she does not want to rush things

 

She said she really likes me and wants to take time to know me more. She sort of backed away because I then told her ok don't worry I won't bother you anymore. About eight hours after that message she calls me and says that the reason she is scared to get too close is because eight months ago she was sexually assaulted and is very scared now for relationships. She said she really likes me and wants to keep spending time with me but just needs to be careful because she's still very fragile.

 

 

The assault was all out rape from what it she said to me. .

[smackie9]

This girl just wants to be your friend. Date other women.

[spiderowl]

What exactly are the arguments over really? It does sound as if she likes your company but then backs off. I don't get the feeling she's playing you. She may be waiting to see if you are a kind and patient man. It takes two to argue. Why would you complain you haven't kissed yet? If she doesn't want to after several meetings, then that is a reason to stop dating rather than complain.

[joseb]

. Why would you complain you haven't kissed yet? If she doesn't want to after several meetings, then that is a reason to stop dating rather than complain.

 

Exactly. You either kiss her, or you don't and move on.

 

Don't complain about it.

 

And don't have long conversations over text. Terrible idea. Often leads to drama.

[Moslem]

What exactly are the arguments over really? It does sound as if she likes your company but then backs off. I don't get the feeling she's playing you. She may be waiting to see if you are a kind and patient man. It takes two to argue. Why would you complain you haven't kissed yet? If she doesn't want to after several meetings, then that is a reason to stop dating rather than complain.

 

No I never complained that I never kissed her. I just complained that I don't understand where exactly this is going & just said that if she's not interested in me then let me know and I can move on. She said that she really likes me but she's just backed away because she says I give her many mixed signals and confuse her a lot.

[salparadise]

 

Mind you, at this point we had yet to kiss or anything.

 

We had a bit of a fight. I complained that we hadn't kissed or anything yet and I don't know where we stand or anything. Very confusing! So, she says okay then for now why don't we just take a break because I just got out of a bad relationship.

 

That didn't last very long. She called the next day... She did say to me that she didn't know where we were going with this relationship but she really likes me.

 

...still wants to do the photoshot with my mother. I told her I don't really see a point since we're really not on good terms but she wants to.

 

I don't know what the hell im doing here. What is your suggestions?

 

 

Yea, the previous thread (one of them) was three weeks ago and you still hadn't kissed her after eight dates. It sounded whacko then and even more so now. Did you ever get around to kissing her? Did you try?

 

There is something seriously off about this woman. She's jerking you around. You're not ever going to have a fulfilling relationship with her because you're wanting to date, but she gets her jollies by keeping you on the string and driving you crazy.

 

She claims to have been raped recently, says she just got out of a bad relationship, yet instead of taking time to heal she seems motivated to engage and frustrate the hell out of you without reciprocation of your sincerity. Maybe she's a victim, maybe she's not... but she sure seems intent on turning you into one.

 

There's nothing for you in this mess. Cut her loose and go no contact. Quit indulging her neuroticism and find someone to date who appreciates you and gives you what a man wants from a healthy, romantic relationship.

 

Don't let her anywhere near your mother –– it's just a way of sinking her hooks in deeper and another string by which to manipulate you.

[d0nnivain]

This is the woman who was raped in her last relationship approx 8 months ago so it is hardly any wonder she does not want to rush things

 

That is horrible & I didn't know that. My heart breaks for the woman.

 

That said, as a survivor of such an ordeal the woman probably needs more time to heal & professional help to do it. I don't know any rape survivors who go through this on their own.

 

Poor thing, her head still isn't on straight yet (not that it should be 2 months into her new relationship with the OP Moslem). But her confusion & the mixed signals she's sending to Moslem put him in a bad place. From his posts he travels a lot for business; his inability to be a calming, steady, consistent presence in her life probably isn't helping.

 

Moslem -- I still say let this woman do the photo shoot of your mom. That sounds like something both women were looking forward to.

 

I commend you for being sensitive and wanting to be respectful of this woman's past trauma's but maybe she hasn't healed enough to be trying for a relationship again. I'd still walk away.

[salparadise]

I commend you for being sensitive and wanting to be respectful of this woman's past trauma's but maybe she hasn't healed enough to be trying for a relationship again. I'd still walk away.

 

It's hard for us to know exactly what the situation is... what is cause and what is effect? What is fact and what is a narrative created for effect? I'm not accusing anyone of lying, I'm just saying these things are unclear, and given the dysfunctional behaviors there's a high probability that the narrative we're hearing is skewed or incomplete.

 

Moslem is displaying codependent tendencies, and the woman is looking like someone who reads him like a book and is motivated to keep him engaged in a "thing" that doesn't seem even close to normal, regardless of where her motivations originate.

 

The only thing I think I can say for certain is that there's nothing in this for our friend Moslem. If he thinks he's going to get a sweet nut by continuing to chip away at this shell, he's sadly mistaken.