Being Compared To An Ex, And Past Relationships

[Friezus Christ]

Hi there, I've been thinking about this issue all day, and I was looking for some insight on it.

 

I've been dating this girl for about two months, we had a split about two weeks ago. She messaged me two days after, saying "I don't want to be without you a day longer". I got back with her, and things are good. But, one thing that has bothered me is that, she always talks about her ex, of two years ago, and how terrible their relationship was. She'll also make small insignificant comparisons between him and I. Thing's such as, "You're frigidity, like him" or "the way you laugh sometimes, sounds like him", and little mannerisms of mine are sorta similar to his at times. It's a little annoying, but the relationship is fresh. She's said that she thinks I'm the 'one', I dunno, whatever helps her sleep at night.

 

But, I'm beginning to get annoyed with being compared to him, and hearing about him a lot. I get that the relationship is new, but I don't really compare her to my ex's at all. I kinda miss how thing's were with my most recent ex girlfriend of a year ago, we never talked about our past. But that relationship didn't work out, and I was pretty unhappy by the end. I'm happy with my current gf, just this being compared to an ex nonsense is becoming tiring.

 

Also, I brought up two of my ex's and she seem to can't let go of my past sexual exploits. She seems pretty salty about it, and I've apologized for mentioning my past, but she talks about her past, as if it doesn't affect me. Almost as if I want to hear about it. She said she's weirded out about me hooking up with a girl who was 6 years older than me. That was years ago, I was in my early 20's, and I was rebounding. Nothing came out of it, it's not like I dated that person.

 

She keeps bringing up my past, in a passive aggressive manor. I don't get it, it's the past, I didn't even know she even existed at that time. I've told her that none of that matters now, because I'm with her now, and that I'm not her ex boyfriend.

 

Dating is truly a pain sometimes.

 

All the best,

 

Friezus Christ

Edited August 17, 2017 by Friezus Christ

[coolheadal]

Listen we all do it because the past was a part of us. She only knows of what her ex was all about. Now you come in your going to have some signs you are like him so that triggers in her mind a response to you. Sure you don't want to be compared and I sure don't like it either. But you have to say some thing to her when she does the comparison to you to him.

 

Listen "honey who are you with right now? That's right, me not him! That was your past with him" I am no way or shape like him. You know it! Sure I might have something in common in a gesture or two but that's normal. No need to over react about it. Things happen your not going to not see these common traits in me that he might or might not have had. Remember he's not here I am he's not in your life again. This is all new for you and you will adjust in time. But you have to make the effort. I too have past with prior ex's so you will not be compared to them because you know why? Because you are not them and they are not here. Your here you matter you count that's how it is remember that.

 

Give her time she will come around you keep pushing out her negative suggestions and comments. Don't let her win and be in the driver seat.

Be the leader and take charge of your life with her. Remember she talks about her ex with you say lets not go there right now. He's not here remember.

[d0nnivain]

In a two month relationship the fact that you already split once tells me this thing is unhealthy. Now should be the honeymoon phase.

 

 

No matter how long ago they split, she's not over him & you are a rebound or she's the tackiest, most classless person. She actually sounds young. Who says they don't want to spend another day without you to somebody they have only known for 60 days.

 

 

Let her me. Find somebody more mature to date who is actually into you.

[Gaeta]

She is too immature to be in a relationship. She may be (insert age) but she has the mental age of a 14 year old. If you're late 20s it's time for you to aim at mature women.

[Friezus Christ]

Yeah, well I'll figure out what to do.

Edited August 17, 2017 by Friezus Christ

[coolheadal]

Yeah, well I'll figure out what to do.

 

Not going to be easy with her, I've had her type prior. I am no longer with them. As you will soon see why my friend. Passive Aggressive behavior can stem from other mental abusive issues she may had with her ex. Another word she's damage mentally. Then takes it out on you when you trigger certain words or the way you talk to her just like her ex did and BAM you get the emotional terror release of her pain onto you. Think about what your getting involved with. Now could she change unlikely because once they're damage like this they never seem to overcome their fears. Sure med's might work but she will never been the same person you had met. You give up a lot when they're on the med's. It changes who they're really are! Depression kicks in too, they're no fun to be with either.