LotusAvx Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I have a dating situation I have never been in: I just moved into the building and my neighbor has asked me out. Went on 2 dates with him so far and we talked about how we want to continue seeing each other, we also talked about how if things "don't work out", we won't let things be weird. So I live below a restaurant, and went for drinks with one of my male platonic friends, and he walked right past us, and didn't even act like he knew me, despite me saying hi. The weird thing is: I mentioned earlier that day that I'd be having drinks downstairs with a male friend. I just wanted to give him a heads up, because I am really into him. I know that him and I aren't anything but it was so weird how he kind of gave me the cold shoulder? I am worried he might lose interest, or rethink "dating a neighbor". I am probably overthinking this, but I really like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I am worried he might lose interest, or rethink "dating a neighbor". I am probably overthinking this, but I really like him. You're not overthinking it, this can get weird and awkward if things don't work out. (Already starting to happen?) He could turn out to be a creep, and now you'll be running into him all the time. Normally you can just block and delete, but this guy is your neighbor... I would be more worried about that than him potentially losing interest 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 There's no separation of personal lives in the early dating phase. He obviously was not pleased to see you with that other guy. Like anyone else, he's going to question "just friends" with a friend of the opposite sex. He may not believe it or struggles with it, and it clearly bothered him, I'm thinking, seeing you with him. So, you'll have to explain it. He handled it poorly. I would cut him some slack on this, but if he can't handle your guy friend, then that's going to pose a problem. Is he going to watch your comings and goings? Is he going to question when you have people over? Why wasn't he invited? Who was that that came over? Where'd you go on Saturday? It has the potential to be an ugly situation, and just like dating a coworker, it's probably better to not see each other romantically. It will be awkward if you don't work out. Someone may end up having to move. As long as he doesn't turn into a jerk (and you) if it doesn't work out, it's could be okay, but there are no guarantees. You might end up questioning his comings and goings too, and if he has friends over, etc. I'd be careful with this one. After completely ignoring you, this could be a warning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) I wouldn't worry about him losing interest. He's already played his hand into the weird. It's not like you and he are in an established relationship and it's not like he didn't know that you were having this drink. I think it was rather small of him to give you the cold shoulder, so seeing that he did, I'd maintain the chill in the air and not take things any further with him. Things have already gotten weird and he took it there. FWIW, I think it's a bad idea to date people to whom you live in close proximity because of this very thing. IMO, close neighbors and coworkers are off limits--things can just get too weird with people who don't really know you, but think they do and not only that, think they have a claim on you because of the proximity. That's why they say familiarity breeds contempt. Edited July 21, 2017 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Well now you know how awkward it would be with him if it didn't work out. Time to re-think this.. he obviously will be a total jerk to you without hesitation.. your move at this point.. I wouldn't go out with him any further.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I would just ask him about it. It's everyone's right to feel weird about stuff. He's entitled to his feeling of potential rejection and you are entitled to your feeling of weirdness and awkwardness. Talk about it and see if communication helps. Maybe you'll find out that he's a control freak that can't handle you talking to other men, in which case you're better finding out immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I have a dating situation I have never been in: I just moved into the building and my neighbor has asked me out. Went on 2 dates with him so far and we talked about how we want to continue seeing each other, we also talked about how if things "don't work out", we won't let things be weird. So I live below a restaurant, and went for drinks with one of my male platonic friends, and he walked right past us, and didn't even act like he knew me, despite me saying hi. The weird thing is: I mentioned earlier that day that I'd be having drinks downstairs with a male friend. I just wanted to give him a heads up, because I am really into him. I know that him and I aren't anything but it was so weird how he kind of gave me the cold shoulder? I am worried he might lose interest, or rethink "dating a neighbor". I am probably overthinking this, but I really like him. This is kind of a "don't crap where you eat" thing really. Yeah, I know it worked for Penny and Leonard if things "don't work out", he kind of gave me the cold shoulder? He's already showing you how things will be if things don't work out . . . I think it was unnecessary to tell him what you're doing. It's only two dates and you owe him nothing but, at the same time, his response is inappropriate/immature. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Well, first off, stop telling him where you're going to be so he doesn't follow you there. That's the thing that bothers me most about this situation, not that he didn't say hi but that he came to check out the situation. Say I'm going out with a friend, but not where. I don't like him doing that. See, now you're in a situation where you can't do anything without him seeing you coming and going. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I have a dating situation I have never been in: I just moved into the building and my neighbor has asked me out. Went on 2 dates with him so far and we talked about how we want to continue seeing each other, we also talked about how if things "don't work out", we won't let things be weird. So I live below a restaurant, and went for drinks with one of my male platonic friends, and he walked right past us, and didn't even act like he knew me, despite me saying hi. The weird thing is: I mentioned earlier that day that I'd be having drinks downstairs with a male friend. I just wanted to give him a heads up, because I am really into him. I know that him and I aren't anything but it was so weird how he kind of gave me the cold shoulder? I am worried he might lose interest, or rethink "dating a neighbor". I am probably overthinking this, but I really like him. Listen you don't really know this guy from jack. So so still like strangers. He gave you a cold shoulder because he was jealous of you seeing someone else or being with another guy. You just can't do that to this type of guy. Not weird it's the way of life for him. Why did you go out for drinks with another guy in the first place. You say here you like this guy who lives in the same building that you do. You have to decide what you want? Do you want this guy sounds like you do. Then only go out with him only. Invite your friend with you two if you must see the other friend too and don't leave out this building guy you with. Got to think about him too just not you only. You said you really like this building guy so tell him that too. If you have screwed it up you'll know very quickly. He'll start to back-off you.. If that happens then let it or try to convince him your seriously into him. He still might not trust you at all though. Remember guys like us have all sorts of ideas in our heads when the girl they're seeing is hanging out with another guy. Might not sound right to you but it does to us guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 we also talked about how if things "don't work out", we won't let things be weird. That's amazingly naive... Think the only time I ever said that and meant it was when I was 19 or something. Of course it's going to get weird The situation you mentioned is just the tip of the iceburg, and the fact that you made a thread about it, tells me that you don't know what you are in for / haven't thought things through. Link to post Share on other sites
Usename12 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 You could always move out couldn't you? Not the ideal but it's not as bad as some of the situations where co-workers dated and didn't work out. Jobs are harder to change than apartments for a lot of people. But he seems to be giving a vibe of playing games already if you're reading things right. That's would be more troubling than the neighbor thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Listen you don't really know this guy from jack. So so still like strangers. He gave you a cold shoulder because he was jealous of you seeing someone else or being with another guy. You just can't do that to this type of guy. Not weird it's the way of life for him. Why did you go out for drinks with another guy in the first place. You say here you like this guy who lives in the same building that you do. You have to decide what you want? Do you want this guy sounds like you do. Then only go out with him only. Invite your friend with you two if you must see the other friend too and don't leave out this building guy you with. Got to think about him too just not you only. You said you really like this building guy so tell him that too. If you have screwed it up you'll know very quickly. He'll start to back-off you.. If that happens then let it or try to convince him your seriously into him. He still might not trust you at all though. Remember guys like us have all sorts of ideas in our heads when the girl they're seeing is hanging out with another guy. Might not sound right to you but it does to us guys. She can have drinks with whoever she wants, they only went out on 2 dates... She doesn't owe him anything, plus she explained they're just friends. Besides, she's "allowed" to date other guys. To the OP: it doesn't look good if just seeing you with another guy already bothers him (and he knew about it) Link to post Share on other sites
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