shahjskalio Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) So I met a guy on a dating app and we've been on 4 dates but have been talking for a month. Since day one he took me out to dinners, movies and paid for everything all the time. Also bought me a gift and wrote me a love letter after he came back from a 2 week vacation. The thing that I find weird is that he's moving so fast and even planning our first oral sex and sex and acting as if this is like a fairytale and that he's in love and he misses me. He has also been single for 11 years and in those 11 years he's been on 100 dates!! That also made me question his intentions. Is all of this a red flag? Seems like maybe he actually has commitment issues that's why he's moving so fast. He also wrote me a song and wrote about our dates. Please help guys:( Edited July 20, 2017 by shahjskalio Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Ha, not it's the opposite of commitment issues! This guy is too much, too soon, all about commitment. All those failed dates before you? Odds on he scared them away in exactly the same way he's doing to you. He could probably benefit with being told exactly what he's doing wrong. But whether you want to bother is a different matter altogether. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shahjskalio Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Ha, not it's the opposite of commitment issues! This guy is too much, too soon, all about commitment. All those failed dates before you? Odds on he scared them away in exactly the same way he's doing to you. He could probably benefit with being told exactly what he's doing wrong. But whether you want to bother is a different matter altogether. Thanks for your feedback! But I still feel like something is off...... maybe he's bipolar? And was having a manic episode 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) I must have missed the fairytale where the prince plans the oral sex. He sounds freaking weird tbh!!! Coming on way too strong Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough 11 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Thanks for your feedback! But I still feel like something is off...... maybe he's bipolar? And was having a manic episode You don't know nearly enough about him to even think about diagnosing him with a mental illness. My money is simply on him being inept. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Ha, not it's the opposite of commitment issues! This guy is too much, too soon, all about commitment. All those failed dates before you? Odds on he scared them away in exactly the same way he's doing to you. He could probably benefit with being told exactly what he's doing wrong. But whether you want to bother is a different matter altogether. WEll, actually it could indeed be a commitment issue. Many many times when someone comes on really fast, that person ends up freaking himself out and runs when the other person actually starts to come around. (That doesn't always happen of course. There are plenty of great relationships where the couple was glued together since their first date.) I'd be wary OP. Guy doesn't even know you so it sounds that he is in love with the fantasy of you he projected in his head. There is always the chance that this may not be the case though. Meanwhile planning the oral sex act is just weird. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I must have missed the fairytale where the prince plans the oral sex. Absolutely. He's not mentally ill, he he is love bombing you. And yes, it would cause me to take a BIG STEP BACK from this guy... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shahjskalio Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 I must have missed the fairytale where the prince plans the oral sex. He sounds freaking weird tbh!!! Coming on way too strong Thanks foe ypur feedback! Yes that weirded me out Him planning it all..... It should happen naturally without planning.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shahjskalio Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Absolutely. He's not mentally ill, he he is love bombing you. And yes, it would cause me to take a BIG STEP BACK from this guy... Yes extreme love bombing! That's what freaked me out because I heard that love bombing means that guy has issues with long term relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 So I met a guy on a dating app and we've been on 4 dates but have been talking for a month. Since day one he took me out to dinners, movies and paid for everything all the time. Also bought me a gift and wrote me a love letter after he came back from a 2 week vacation. The thing that I find weird is that he's moving so fast and even planning our first oral sex and sex and acting as if this is like a fairytale and that he's in love and he misses me. He has also been single for 11 years and in those 11 years he's been on 100 dates!! That also made me question his intentions. Is all of this a red flag? Seems like maybe he actually has commitment issues that's why he's moving so fast. He also wrote me a song and wrote about our dates. Please help guys:( Is this real life? I don't know about a red flag, but serenading about fellatio is a new one, even on this forum, which has to mean something haha 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I must have missed the fairytale where the prince plans the oral sex. He sounds freaking weird tbh!!! Coming on way too strong Funny enough if a woman told a guy he was going to get oral the next date he'd be fully chubbed, and depending on the guy, in love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Yes extreme love bombing! That's what freaked me out because I heard that love bombing means that guy has issues with long term relationships. Yeah, it means he is desperate to find someone with whom he can have a relationship... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I would be concerned about someone coming on that strong, that fast. He's either quick to get you into bed (or after something else) and slathering on the romance thick (it works for some), after which he'll disappear, or he's going to be insanely clingy and jealous. I wonder if women hit the road running pretty fast because of his behavior or if he's just a player, given his history. My experience with men (although only online) who come across this strong are scammers, so I'd be a bit wary of any intentions from a man showering this high level of love and romance so soon. You could find yourself with an empty bank account or worse. I say red flag. If we consider this not to be a red flag, personally, I don't like that high level of romance and wouldn't want to (pretend to) swoon over poetry and songs, especially that many over everything, so I would just plain be uncomfortable with all of it. Plus I wouldn't be able to reciprocate in the same manner, so I imagine this could cause some bitterness from him down the road if he doesn't get the same in return. It's too much. And it's not something that I can see being maintained forever, so when he stops, how will this affect the relationship? There's just too much. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shahjskalio Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 Thanks for all your advice guys. So I sorta broke it off and he's giving me the silent treatment. Oh well. I hate how guys can't communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 So I met a guy on a dating app and we've been on 4 dates but have been talking for a month. Since day one he took me out to dinners, movies and paid for everything all the time. Also bought me a gift and wrote me a love letter after he came back from a 2 week vacation. The thing that I find weird is that he's moving so fast and even planning our first oral sex and sex and acting as if this is like a fairytale and that he's in love and he misses me. He has also been single for 11 years and in those 11 years he's been on 100 dates!! That also made me question his intentions. Is all of this a red flag? Seems like maybe he actually has commitment issues that's why he's moving so fast. He also wrote me a song and wrote about our dates. Please help guys:( 100 dates in 11 years is about a date every 6 weeks. No likely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 You did the right thing calling it off. He is way too intense and it's all far too contrived. Big red flags. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shahjskalio Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 You did the right thing calling it off. He is way too intense and it's all far too contrived. Big red flags. Thank you! A part of me feels terrible and guilty but your words have made me feel better❤ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Thank you! A part of me feels terrible and guilty but your words have made me feel better❤ Don't feel terrible. He might not be a truly bad guy, but his behaviour would have made most healthy women extremely uncomfortable. I am morbidly curious though: how exactly did he go about trying to schedule oral sex? That's a new one for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shahjskalio Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 Don't feel terrible. He might not be a truly bad guy, but his behaviour would have made most healthy women extremely uncomfortable. I am morbidly curious though: how exactly did he go about trying to schedule oral sex? That's a new one for me. So on our 2nd or 3rd date he said that he's going on vacation and when he comes back we will only have oral sex and we'll see each other everyday until he leaves again cause he's going on another trip he planned and when he comes back that's when we'll have sex I got creeped out when he planned all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 So on our 2nd or 3rd date he said that he's going on vacation and when he comes back we will only have oral sex and we'll see each other everyday until he leaves again cause he's going on another trip he planned and when he comes back that's when we'll have sex�� I got creeped out when he planned all that. I would have gotten up and left. Right there. Sounds like what a domineering man would say to his companion, telling you when to have sex and how. He's a weirdo, I am glad you broke it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 So I met a guy on a dating app and we've been on 4 dates but have been talking for a month. Since day one he took me out to dinners, movies and paid for everything all the time. Also bought me a gift and wrote me a love letter after he came back from a 2 week vacation. The thing that I find weird is that he's moving so fast and even planning our first oral sex and sex and acting as if this is like a fairytale and that he's in love and he misses me. He has also been single for 11 years and in those 11 years he's been on 100 dates!! That also made me question his intentions. Is all of this a red flag? Seems like maybe he actually has commitment issues that's why he's moving so fast. He also wrote me a song and wrote about our dates. Please help guys:( Well, it's hard to say if he has commitment issues -- he is, at least, committed to dating He does seem to be doing some love bombing. I wouldn't have sex with him yet. These are the same guys who often get what they want -- i.e. sex and you don't hear from them again. They can be very patient. And, I always tell women that the first time they become intimate with a man, even if she's known him a while, she should assume it will be a one-night stand unless and until he shows her otherwise. The bottom line really is that he's making you feel uncomfortable. If I were you, I'd move on or at least continue to date others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I can't :lmao: The guy is simply a (pretty bad) PUA and OP is buying in his nonsense because he pays for everything and writes her poems. She interprets it as signs of affection. For him is just streamlining the process to get to bed with her. I must have missed the fairytale where the prince plans the oral sex. He sounds freaking weird tbh!!! Coming on way too strong 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 So I met a guy on a dating app and we've been on 4 dates but have been talking for a month. Since day one he took me out to dinners, movies and paid for everything all the time. Also bought me a gift and wrote me a love letter after he came back from a 2 week vacation. The thing that I find weird is that he's moving so fast and even planning our first oral sex and sex and acting as if this is like a fairytale and that he's in love and he misses me. He has also been single for 11 years and in those 11 years he's been on 100 dates!! That also made me question his intentions. Is all of this a red flag? Seems like maybe he actually has commitment issues that's why he's moving so fast. He also wrote me a song and wrote about our dates. Please help guys:( 11 years is 4015 days/573 weeks. If he went on 100 dates, he's spent a little less than 6 weeks out of 573 on dates. I wouldn't call that a red flag. If he went on 100 dates in 6 months, then I'd raise an eyebrow, but still--he's single and he's actively looking. Now what IS weird is him telling you he's planning an oral sex/sex date. I mean, it's one thing to think about it and quite another to tell your intended that you're thinking about it, but hey, you may just move him that much. I'd ask him where's the fire. Does he have a fear that you will leave? What does he have against slowing down and not living in the future, but stay grounded in the now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Thanks for all your advice guys. So I sorta broke it off and he's giving me the silent treatment. Oh well. I hate how guys can't communicate. Love bombing and now the silent treatment - that spells someone with serious issues. YOU did well to step away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Others have said it well...contrived, insincere and too much, too soon. It sounds more like a script than based on a genuine interest in you. So on our 2nd or 3rd date he said that he's going on vacation and when he comes back we will only have oral sex and we'll see each other everyday until he leaves again cause he's going on another trip he planned and when he comes back that's when we'll have sex�� I got creeped out when he planned all that. I'll hazard a guess that he's applying this same M.O. to other women he meets while vacationing.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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