Nillo Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 So I have been seeing a woman for a while now and we finally decided to get some what intimate for the first time (second base stuff nothing too crazy). She is the first woman in years that I felt a strong connection for it was amazing. Mid way through the evening under the influence of a little truth serum (red wine) she wanted to reveal something. I am head over heals for her and told her that if it is important to our relationship she should let me know but only if she truly thought it mattered. Here's where it ties in: Our first date was going out dancing and it was fun but I had to leave because of work the next morning. I got a text at like 4 am saying how much fun she had and that I was the first sweet guy shes met in a while, so that is how she fell in love with me after all this time. But what she failed to tell me was that after our date she was so worked up about me she hooked up with some other guy that was there. But on top of that she had HPV in the past and this guy was the first guy since her last serious boyfriend (I think they were together for 2 years) shes slept with. So now she is getting tested again to see if she is all clear. I hope this she is because she is super awesome but it isn't the HPV that turned me off it's the fact that after our first 'real' date she slept with some random guy and on top of that didn't even bother to use protection. I honestly don't know how to approach this; I am through I'm sure but still want to be friends because I care for her but the relationship took a turn away from something intimate. I am kind of old school as I see sex as something you do after being in a steady exclusive relationship, I don't do or understand one night stands. So am I right in my feelings or am I a pilgrim in a modern unholy land sort to speak? I didn't call her a slut, shame her or judge her in anyway I just stopped what we are doing told her I need some time to think and no matter what she has my friendship. I just feel violated and that I probably can't trust her. Anyways thanks for any advice, I would just move on and not look back if she wasn't so important feeling to me because she is the first woman who fell in love with me and not my good looks. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 After cutting her off like this, what makes you think she'd want to be your friend? Just move on without her. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 So I have been seeing a woman for a while now and we finally decided to get some what intimate for the first time (second base stuff nothing too crazy). She is the first woman in years that I felt a strong connection for it was amazing. Mid way through the evening under the influence of a little truth serum (red wine) she wanted to reveal something. I am head over heals for her and told her that if it is important to our relationship she should let me know but only if she truly thought it mattered. Here's where it ties in: Our first date was going out dancing and it was fun but I had to leave because of work the next morning. I got a text at like 4 am saying how much fun she had and that I was the first sweet guy shes met in a while, so that is how she fell in love with me after all this time. But what she failed to tell me was that after our date she was so worked up about me she hooked up with some other guy that was there. But on top of that she had HPV in the past and this guy was the first guy since her last serious boyfriend (I think they were together for 2 years) shes slept with. So now she is getting tested again to see if she is all clear. I hope this she is because she is super awesome but it isn't the HPV that turned me off it's the fact that after our first 'real' date she slept with some random guy and on top of that didn't even bother to use protection. I honestly don't know how to approach this; I am through I'm sure but still want to be friends because I care for her but the relationship took a turn away from something intimate. I am kind of old school as I see sex as something you do after being in a steady exclusive relationship, I don't do or understand one night stands. So am I right in my feelings or am I a pilgrim in a modern unholy land sort to speak? I didn't call her a slut, shame her or judge her in anyway I just stopped what we are doing told her I need some time to think and no matter what she has my friendship. I just feel violated and that I probably can't trust her. Anyways thanks for any advice, I would just move on and not look back if she wasn't so important feeling to me because she is the first woman who fell in love with me and not my good looks. HPV there is no cure for this, so you best get tested. She's HSD =high sex drive or HSA = high sex addict. Because she had it with you and jump in bed with another guy after you. QSS Quickie Seconds Sex. Your trying to have hope she'll be different nope casual sex, hook-up, one night stands she's too active sexually you be no# what? Who's next? Out with one day then out with other guy! I wouldn't go near this women if you paid me billion or more not worth the STD and other mental issues. Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 It's good that she warned you about an STI, but telling you about hooking up with that guy after your first date is an alarm bell to me. You were not in a relationship at that time so she owes you no explanations. "I was so turned on by you on our first date that I had to **** some other guy." Thanks, I guess.... And I'd imagine her 4am text about how good the date was was sent either after she finished having sex with the guy or was on the way to his house. Yeah, ditch this one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I honestly don't know how to approach this Isn't it obvious? Wife her up! Ignore the haters. They can't handle a real woman Nah serious. She's nasty. And I wouldn't have anything else to do with her. Messaging you in the middle of the night after banging some other guy and getting diseases. And you're in love? Love yourself more. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Sounds pretty normal to me. You aren't exclusive, at least I didn't read anything about mutual communication of that, or even sexual so she's dating and/or having sex with other men. Women do that. You might be surprised at what a good fluffer you are. BTDT. A fluffer, generally a woman, is who warms up the male porn stars for their on-screen stuff. The fluffer is usually someone the guy 'connects' with but might not be photogenic on screen. She helps him perform. It's equal opportunity out there. I first ran into it about 30 years ago, not counting the married ones. If you're young enough, it might have been your mother. I was 'old-fashioned' so got used a lot for fluffing and filler material. It is what it is. Welcome to LS 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 If that is not the type of girl you want in your life then bail. Not every woman will hook up with some random guy, two seconds after having a "wonderful" date with you. Some women will feel exactly the same way that you feel about sex and relationships,and that is who you need to go seek. YOU will never really be able to trust her, as her MO is so different from yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 (edited) She was so worked up and hot for you, so she let some other swinging dick put out her fire.....Isn't that just special... And this part stands out... "and that I was the first sweet guy shes met in a while," Translation? She likes you for all the nice things you say and do for/to her, but she likes a more edgy guy for sex...You are her emotional oasis to boost her weak self esteem.. Don't be a putz here buddy....Send her packing...Oh...and don't worry about now being "friends" with her....IMO, you are already just the friend.... TFY Edited July 16, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Big f-ing deal. You met her once, had no basis for assuming a relationship, nor any discussion about exclusivity in any way. Yeah, you clicked with each other, which is nice. She did nothing wrong, and didn't even have to tell you about having sex with someone that night. The HPV is a separate issue, and really not a big deal in most cases; besides, most people have it or been exposed if they've had sex with a few people, and there is no cure. Now, some number of dates later, you were on the verge of having sex - had you even discussed being exclusive at that point? - and she reveals this information. Oops! (She probably should have said something sooner, though.) The only issue here is your conservative views about sex. That's truly fine, of course, especially as I believe you hold yourself to the same standards. The two of you simply do not have compatible values, and as that's the most fundamental thing you need for a good relationship, you two shouldn't be in one together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nillo Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 Okay yep I needed to sleep on this one but I dumped her. End of story. I have a good life, no need to complicate it with this mess it's best to move on and hope she figures things out for herself. Anyway thanks for all the responses. I felt funny asking for advice since I'm well into my 30s. I knew what my father would say if I asked for his sage wisdom so I needed a bigger pool of advice to pull from. I'm going to go get a HPV test I guess now too I guess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Just be glad that she let you know about the situation and move on. People are right; she owed you nothing after one date. But, this is EXACTLY why jumping into the sack with people quickly while dating is a bad idea. She had a ONS, picked up and STD and might have passed it on to you. Yeah, sex is fun and we're biologically wired to search for and enjoy it. But, there can be serious ramifications when it comes to sleeping around; STDs, pregnancy, etc..etc.. My opinion on this subject is extremely skewed as I had to wait a month for an HIV test back in the early 2000's because a girlfriend cheated on me with a dude that had the virus. She refused to talk about it, I had no idea if she had been tested or not so I had to go into the clinic and get it handled. Talk about a long friggin month. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nillo Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 Okay got my appointment booked for Tuesday with Planned Parenthood. Seems kind of awkward since we didn't sleep together but it is better safe than sorry after all the heavy petting and how much contact my mouth had with her body. Time to find a platonic partner as my relationship needs are exclusive but seem to be more friend-focused at this stage of life. Maybe time to identify as asexual with my next to no lack of sex drive and stop being so lonely and depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
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