Reunited with my ex fiance and found out he lied about having serious medical problem

[mymybaby]

I recently learned that my fiancé lied to me CONSTANTLY while we were broken up for 3 months.

 

But, it’s not just little things. Big things. The first month I kept reaching out and asking him if he was ok. He said his health was not well. I knew he had high blood pressure. He’s had it for years and it’s EXTREMELY high.

 

He told me that he had a partial stroke and that he had tests and discovered (while we first broke up) that he may have to have a heart transplant or at minimum open heart surgery. Said he told his doctor he was "truly suffering from a broken heart"

 

I was praying for him. Reaching out — he would just push me away though. He wouldn’t tell me details. Said it was none of my business at the time. That I would learn about it after it all happened — probably through the grapevine and he was praying he would survive it.

 

Well, we eventually got back together. He came back to me. He told me that he had been cleared by the doctor that he was okay, and just needed to change his blood pressure medication.

 

Now it’s been 6 months. We have been living together again. And I asked him the other day about his follow ups. He said he was fine. I said I never saw any of the HUGE BILLS he would have to pay — come through the mail? He said that was very strange. He would need to check on that.

 

He also told me that he told no one about this. not even his parents.

 

Low and behold - he’s still lying to me — saying this is all true — BUT he’s flat out lying. I saw his insurance info laying on the counter. He hasn’t been to the doctor. No tests. No hospital bills. Nothing. He flat out lied.

 

I also caught him in another lie because i found plane tickets to NYC during the time he told me (from a far) that he was undergoing all of these tests post stroke.

 

How would you deal with this? I don’t even know what to believe. I was honest with him about what I did and didn’t do when we were broken up and he keeps saying he can’t believe i was so low key and down — not dating. NOW i know why!

[BaileyB]

Well, he would not be my fiancé any more... You would be silly to marry a man who lies to you like this.

[mymybaby]

He says that he owes me nothing about when we were broken up.

 

But the more I dig -- the more I realize that he was dating a woman too. He said he didn't sleep with anyone or anything. But, I found condoms in his pocket of a pair of jeans he "lost"

 

What do I do? I really love him and wanted to believe him!

[d0nnivain]

You want to believe him which is the problem. He lied. You know it. You just don't want it to be true. He manipulated you. Question is are you going to continue letting him lie or are you going to vote with your feet? You can't marry a man who you can't trust

[BaileyB]

He says that he owes me nothing about when we were broken up.

 

He doesn't owe you anything about the time that you were broken up... He was free to do whatever he wanted.

 

But, if you are going to be in a relationship with this man - if you are planning to marry this man - he owes it to you to truthful. The fact that he doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you is a problem. How can you ever trust this man?

 

Trust, honesty, communication, fidelity... These values are the basis for any healthy relationship. He has not demonstrated any of these qualities. You are indeed a silly girl if you marry this man...

Edited July 9, 2017 by BaileyB

[smackie9]

This isn't the guy you are in love with.....this guy is an imposture. There is no solution to make this all go away and turn him into a man that you want to marry. It wouldn't surprise me that he has had many affairs while you were dating before you split up. Sit and think...think of all those times he was helping a relative handle personal matters, or traveled for work, or was working late, had to help a sick friend, went to buddy's house to watch the game, went on a weekend fishing trip, etc.

[elaine567]

A man who led you to believe he was seriously ill and you find out later, it was all lies, is not a man you should have anything to do with any longer.

 

That is seriously disordered thinking, highly manipulative and downright creepy.

Forget about the other women, they are the least of your worries here.

 

RUN.

[Redhead14]

Yes, it's true he owed you nothing while you were broken up but there was no reason to lie about it.

 

The magnitude of this lie is cause for concern, however, creating an entire illness is a completely different thing and far outweighs the lie part.

 

Creating this kind of fallacy is a sign of malingering -- a malingerer simulates illness with a view to obtaining a material benefit or avoiding an obligation or responsibility AND often exists with a co-morbid personality disorder . . . What he has done is a very serious thing and not to be tolerated. If I were you, I would ask him to seek counseling and if he refuses, I would leave him. It indicates a very high order of manipulative ability/propensity.

 

What else is going on in his life - specifically, at work/financially?

Edited July 9, 2017 by Redhead14

[stillafool]

He says that he owes me nothing about when we were broken up.

 

But the more I dig -- the more I realize that he was dating a woman too. He said he didn't sleep with anyone or anything. But, I found condoms in his pocket of a pair of jeans he "lost"

 

What do I do? I really love him and wanted to believe him!

 

Well obviously you can't believe a word that leaves his mouth. What do you do? Break up with him and tell him to never contact you again. Anyone would be a fool to seek marriage with this man.

[act00]

The answer here is this relationship is over. End it. Break up. Move out ASAP.

 

There are sooo many issues going on. I don't care if you were broken up at the time, if he has major medical issues, you, as a potential wife/spouse needs to know about them because you will be the one dealing with these issues...he will be out of work, need for surgery, pills, insurance, costs, etc. You have to know. Plus, you have to know if you wish to continue with this relationship.

 

But he lied about these major medical issues? Stroke and heart transplant are pretty major issues...he lied? None of that happened? No stroke? No heart attack? No CABG or transplant?

 

You claim fiance, as in getting married, but he won't disclose the very issues that affect you and your marriage. That is wrong. But to make up stories and outright lie is if none of these conditions existed at all? Run away, and don't look back.

 

During your breakup, he owed you nothing. No explanation, no history, nothing.

 

This guy is a screaming picture of red flags. Your question is, "What would you do?" My answer: I would break up and run like hell.

[mymybaby]

Yeah no heart transplant. No stroke.

 

And he also told me he did several freelance jobs that requires him to work out of state.

 

Turns out, he never did. I asked him the name of the company he did work with and he "forgot".

 

He couldn't supply any confirmation via email or paycheck. Nothing.

 

All of it was a lie.

 

The problem is he won't own up to it. He will just say that I must feel guilty about what I did and I need to just drop it all and focus on moving forward and improving our relationship.

 

He will NOT admit he lied. And he says that he did travel to these places for work. But will not prove it to me.

 

And after all these lies i started checking and I called the place he told me hired him for these freelance jobs and they don't even know who he is.

[stillafool]

So what are you planning to do about this man you can't trust and who lies to you? What is your plan now?

[MidwestUSA]

A heart transplant! :lmao::lmao: That's a new one on me!

 

Um, beyond the fact that a transplant isn't indicated for alleged HTN....wow, just wow. I'd expect an 'accomplished' liar to at least do some research and propose something that's believable.

 

OP, this guy is over the top crazy. Sociopath isn't a strong enough word here. Run. As fast as you can. Start by changing the locks while he's out, after you've placed all his belongings in black trash bags and put them on the curb.

 

Take it from someone who was married to crazy, get moving. Now! Godspeed.

[BaileyB]

 

The problem is he won't own up to it. He will just say that I must feel guilty about what I did and I need to just drop it all and focus on moving forward and improving our relationship.

 

That's called blame shifting. And you are falling for it because you continue to communicate and negotiate with this man.

[Gr8fuln2020]

 

The problem is he won't own up to it. He will just say that I must feel guilty about what I did and I need to just drop it all and focus on moving forward and improving our relationship.

NO. This is not the problem and the opportunity for him to confess should NEVER be given which would to reconciliation. Take responsibility for your life and let this man go! He is an user, liar and con-man.

[mymybaby]

Yeah he won't be honest about it. He thinks I can't prove either way so be just keeps lying. I truly don't want to believe that all of this is so false.

 

 

I think he went to the doctor but got new blood pressure medicine.

I have read that people with consistent high blood pressure can eventually need a transplant. But obviously that's just for extremes cases.

 

He just continues to say this is because he left me and he came back to me and what happened is none of my business. But he is still lying.

 

I guess I need to face that I need to leave. So hard.

[elaine567]

Yes, he is a conman and this is serious now.

Not only has he told you he is "iil", but now he isn't working where he was supposed to be working. His whole life is a lie.

Some of these guys are actually dangerous, so tell your friends and family, enlist their help, pack up your stuff and disappear.

[smackie9]

Yeah no heart transplant. No stroke.

 

And he also told me he did several freelance jobs that requires him to work out of state.

 

Turns out, he never did. I asked him the name of the company he did work with and he "forgot".

 

He couldn't supply any confirmation via email or paycheck. Nothing.

 

All of it was a lie.

 

The problem is he won't own up to it. He will just say that I must feel guilty about what I did and I need to just drop it all and focus on moving forward and improving our relationship.

 

He will NOT admit he lied. And he says that he did travel to these places for work. But will not prove it to me.

 

And after all these lies i started checking and I called the place he told me hired him for these freelance jobs and they don't even know who he is.

Sounds like one of those stories on Dateline or 20/20 where the guy lives a double life conning several women to marry him, and ends up emptying out their bank accounts and throwing those poor women into bankruptcy.

 

Wouldn't surprise me that he has a criminal record too.

Edited July 9, 2017 by smackie9

[elaine567]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/8525234/Malcolm-Webster-polite-charmer-who-lured-women-then-plotted-their-deaths.htm

 

Malcolm Webster killed Claire Morris eight months after they were married. He also tried to murder his second wife, Felicity Drumm. Simone Banarjee, the daughter of a wealthy surgeon, was engaged to Webster

 

Webster, who is originally from Guildford, Surrey, was also found guilty of trying to bigamously marry Miss Banarjee and of claiming he had leukaemia as part of a scheme to defraud her.

In total, Webster told three women he was dying of leukaemia, and injured himself, lost weight and shaved his hair to support his story.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Yeah he won't be honest about it. He thinks I can't prove either way so be just keeps lying. I truly don't want to believe that all of this is so false.

 

He is a manipulator. Re-read your paragraph...

 

'He thinks I can't prove either way...' He openly defiant and in-your-face about his deception. His lying and inability or unwillingness to admit to such is a personality disorder to boot. Reminds me of another more infamous person in our world today.

 

People like him have been successful lying their way to what they see as some semblance of success or more. Even in the face of the obvious he is unwilling to relent. Dangerous.

[mymybaby]

His work now that we are together is very open and transparent. This is true. It's all surrounding what happened when were apart and that's what makes it tough. I see no problems in his current actions and he is very open.

 

But how do I hand faith in someone who refuses to tell the truth about his time apart. He didn't need to tell me anything. But he was lying through his teeth and continues to.

 

So past often equals the future...right? Ugh.

[smackie9]

His work now that we are together is very open and transparent. This is true. It's all surrounding what happened when were apart and that's what makes it tough. I see no problems in his current actions and he is very open.

 

.

This is how he plays his game to get your trust back.....he is a con artist.

[Gr8fuln2020]

His work now that we are together is very open and transparent. This is true. It's all surrounding what happened when were apart and that's what makes it tough. I see no problems in his current actions and he is very open.

 

But how do I hand faith in someone who refuses to tell the truth about his time apart. He didn't need to tell me anything. But he was lying through his teeth and continues to.

 

So past often equals the future...right? Ugh.

 

His inability and refusal to reconcile his past IS A PART OF HIS PRESENT. His CURRENT actions are of deceit, subterfuge and dishonor.

 

The best indicator of one's future behavior is one's past (present).

[Arieswoman]

mymybaby,

 

Your post is contradictory;

 

I see no problems in his current actions and he is very open.

 

But he was lying through his teeth and continues to.

 

Please, please listen to the smart people on this forum and dump this guy then RUN.

 

He's got serious problems and won't change IMO...

[Redhead14]

His work now that we are together is very open and transparent. This is true. It's all surrounding what happened when were apart and that's what makes it tough. I see no problems in his current actions and he is very open.

 

But how do I hand faith in someone who refuses to tell the truth about his time apart. He didn't need to tell me anything. But he was lying through his teeth and continues to.

 

So past often equals the future...right? Ugh.

 

very open and transparent -- Don't you believe that for one minute . . . He is a manipulator of the highest and darkest degree.

 

He is likely only showing you the trees . . . not the whole forest.

 

With the level of deception he has exacted, the past is the best predictor of future behavior. This was not some little white lie. In order to pull that off and to be able to deny when being caught red-handed, there is something seriously wrong with him and he has been hiding it for a long, long time. A person who can do something like this, knows when to chill things down and make it look right for a while . . . but there are still things going on behind the curtain.

 

And, if he is a malingerer, he may actually believe his own lies to the point of actually becoming ill which crosses over into another diagnostic realm.

 

You need to observe for a really, really long time and call him to task on every single aspect of his life with you which I suspect will make him anxious/angry, spiteful and resentful. He will never acknowledge or take responsibility if you catch him on things. He will gaslight you at every turn.