lostmyshadow Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Hi everyone, I want to know if I'm being too sensitive or not. I've been dating my bf for 3 years. One of his friends sort of creeps me out. Don't worry, he doesn't hit on me or anything like that. My bf just repeats some of this guy's comments, and they seem gross/weird to me. I shrugged it off until yesterday when I found out about something he said about me. My bf asked me to read a text message from his sister (he wanted my opinion on something), so I went to look at it. I accidentally tapped the wrong person and found a text message from his friend. I forget the exact wording, but it basically told my bf that he hopes my bf and I have sex on his (my bfs) birthday. I was like WTF? This guy has a live-in girlfriend and three kids. We're all in our early 30s. I can see a 21-year-old guy saying that, but not anyone our age. I always thought that if a guy is more serious about a woman, he's less likely to talk about his sex life. I showed it to my bf and asked him how much did he divulge about our sex life and he says he "doesn't remember." Great. That's reassuring. He then said he didn't tell his friend anything too detailed. Okay, but if you "don't remember" what you told him, how do you know you didn't share personal details? He then told me that it's "just guy talk." He didn't seem to care that it bothered me. Am I right to feel creeped out? I guess I just don't like the idea of his friend thinking about me in a sexual way and making comments about it. In his defense, he didn't use crude language... but I still think it's weird. I can't help but feel like someone just talked about me like I'm a piece of meat. I also don't like it that my bf sees it as no big deal. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Was the text "I hope you have sex with your girlfriend on your birthday." Or, "Dude, hope you get laid for your birthday!" I think probably more like the second one, and you're making way too big a deal of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 For all you know, it might be that his friend is attracted to him, not you. Probably just guy talk. I'm 31 and when I'm hanging with the guys, some of them still joke this way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 (edited) I'm not a guy, but my boyfriend jokes about the fact that whenever he gets together with his friends, the first thing they want to know is whether they got laid recently. He tells me rather proudly, because his friends have problems in their marriages and with their girlfriends and he appears to be fairing better than most. But, I don't ask any thing more, because I would rather not know... I will say, he appears to knows more about his friends sex lives - who is getting it and who is not - than I know about my friends. So, I assume that guys talk... Edited July 1, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Sounds like your boyfriend actively discusses what you do together. I'm not buying his "I don't remember" excuse. I understand how you feel. IMO, the issue isn't his friend, who is simply taking his cues from your boyfriend about what is and isn't on the table for discussion when it comes to you. The issue is that your boyfriend of three years feels a need to brag about or discuss his private life with you to his boys. Let's focus for a second on your boyfriend's view of your relationship. You've been dating for three years? You're both in your thirties? Has getting engaged, marriage, etc. come up in conversation? What's going on there? IMO, the fact that he's chatting about your bedroom exploits to his friends as if he's still in grade school or college it's just a symptom of a bigger issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 No, that's not creepy. Creepy would be the mate bringing himself into the sexual scenario. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
confused_gf Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Seems like you're overreacting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 No, that's not creepy. Creepy would be the mate bringing himself into the sexual scenario. Yep. I had a guy keep showing me pictures of his girlfriend in lingerie, and talking her up sexually to me. They were in an "open relationship", and he was bisexual... No thanks. With my friends, there are certain boundaries we have among each other when it comes to talking about sex. And I think a friend messaging me to hope that I get sex from a girlfriend would make me consider him a bit weird or less mentally developed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGrvQ1c5khU Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 To me this seems like normal dude talk. Maybe I'm weird but I'm not against couples discussing their sex lives with their closest friends, if it's not in detail and not belittling to their partner. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone neutral. But that's just me and I understand if some people prefer to keep it completely secretive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostmyshadow Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 (edited) Okay, so I overreacted. I talked to my bf again and found out that his friend hasn't been getting any sex from his partner lately. So I think that's partly where that's coming from. To the person who asked about engagement, that's something that we've talked about. I believe him when he says he doesn't talk about our sex life in detail. I know he does talk about general things (eg frequency) with his close friends. It does bother me, but I also want him to be able to ask them for advice, so I'll just try not to think about it I guess. Edited July 2, 2017 by lostmyshadow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 The ol' "hope you get laid...." is totally normal comment guys will make to each other. Your BF had a loss of memory to avoid an argument that is all. I doubt there is any real detail about your sex life given out to anyone. Remember: sex, getting laid, other women, boobs, ass, etc, is a big part of a mans world since puberty, and it's with them til the day they are in the ground, even at 90+. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Okay, so I overreacted. I talked to my bf again and found out that his friend hasn't been getting any sex from his partner lately. So I think that's partly where that's coming from. To the person who asked about engagement, that's something that we've talked about. I believe him when he says he doesn't talk about our sex life in detail. I know he does talk about general things (eg frequency) with his close friends. It does bother me, but I also want him to be able to ask them for advice, so I'll just try not to think about it I guess. I am a bit conservative when it comes to intimacy but I would prefer it if a significant other kept those kinds of conversations between the two of us. I have been guilty of the "guy talk" in the past but, in retrospect, what goes on in the bedroom should be private. I don't think your boyfriend did anything wrong but I would probably ask him to avoid discussing your sex life with his buddies. But, that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 I took it as the typical guy wishes sex for his buddy kind of guy talk. The buddy wasn't thinking of you naked; he was hoping his pal (your BF) got his rocks off. Especially since you have now disclosed that the guy is sexually frustrated in his own relationship, it's nothing. Your generalized dislike of him colors everything he does / says. He may be creepy, but this alone is nothing for you to worry about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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