4 Months of hard work to win her back

[le meow]

Hi guys,

 

I am trying so hard to get back with my ex-girlfriend. So a little background here is I went to high school with her for 4 years and then in university first year I started to become attracted to her and as time progressed the attraction grew. I always talked to her through the four years of university and then finally in third year of university I told her I liked her, she took it as a joke at first but then she actually asked again to make sure I wasn't joking which I wasn't. So from there on we began to hang out and inevitably I ask her to be my girlfriend after a couples months of trying to ask her but not having the kahunas to ask and one courageous night I ask her out and she gladly says yes.

 

So fast forward a to now, we got into a lot of arguments about me making time out of my schedule or putting in effort (an aside I kept my relationship really secretive from others and making sure it wasn't public). We continued to have these fights are arguments and she was constantly disappointed which i knew and i dealt with it or attempted to for a little bit then it would just slip away. One night the tension and argument built up and she ended up breaking up with me over text (usually we have any issues we deal with them face to face and squash the issue). We always did and i say i would change it and ill do it in all reality i said i would do it but i didnt provide any results. Then after she broke up I assumed the typical douche bag type of guy that a couple weeks later she will come back...but NOPE! Then a couple weeks go by and she told me she got tinder, that now upsetted me a lot and i became an utter ******* and a month goes by and I tell her the reason behind me being an ******* to her because she got tinder. So at this point in time 6-7 weeks go by. She tells me that if i made an effort right from after she dumped me then chances would be greater but not so much now is what she said. Then for about 2-3 weeks we talk and I continuously ask about the relationship where she stands, and she tells me if she sees consistent change that she will most definitely considerate, and i begin to give her results and doing small things like visit her at work with a coffee. Then things get heaty because at this point in time I want this back so bad and keep pushing it and we end up going on a break for a month, so a period of no contact for 30 days. She comes back from her trip and messages me out of panic because something happened school related for her. I talk to her and we talk and comfort her. At this point I have realized reflected on what I did wrong in the relationship and begin to fix it 2-3 months after she dumped me and dressed up for dinner and took her to a super nice place for the first time and then keep doing little things like sending roses to her work, baking her a cake, sending good morning messages. At this point its been 3 months since we have been broken up and I ask her about getting back into a relationship she tells me "its a process" and "I want it to happen naturally" and then i've been doing things and working my ass off for her and im getting frustrated because the answer I get from her when she tells me her thoughts on a relationship are "IDK (I dont know)." She opens up one night telling me that its easy for her to cut people off and then she tells me i love you but not the same way. So this goes on for a little whiles. Then we go on our second break and I message her in the middle of the night three weeks into it talking about the relationship and how im trying to change things and actually make an effort. She tells me where was the effort in the relationship during the year and a half. Then begins to tell me she sees me in a different way where before I was the reason she laughed and made jokes with and was happy but then she tells me now i don't see you the same way i gave you many chances in the relationship you blew them off and why are you putting effort into the relationship four months after. She's like "im happy where i am at and you dont accept the answer im giving you,I see you differently now, before I saw that I could be inseparable from you and we could laugh and joke around, but now I see you differently because you constantly let me down and disappointed me" How would i change how she looks at me? I am proving it to her and it seems like she sees the effort but is not reciprocating from it because the effort went from 0-100 all of the sudden.

 

I need to with my girl back I miss her so much and I just want to prove my worth to her

[Gaeta]

Why did you keep this relationship a secret?

 

That big block of text is discouraging. I read it twice and twice I gave up in the middle.

 

She doesn't want to be with you, what choice do you have? She explained more than once she doesn't feel toward you the same. You can't force her, can't convince her. All you can do is let her go. The only way she may revisit her feelings for you is if you disappear from her life.

[Arieswoman]

le meow,

 

I am trying so hard to get back with my ex-girlfriend.

 

Why?

 

She's an ex - let her stay in the past.

[angel.eyes]

Paragraphs and punctuation are your friends!

 

Why weren't you putting effort into the relationship while you were dating her? Or immediately after she broke up with you? Instead, to use your own words, you opted to be a d-bag until it was clear you had permanently lost her. Why did you hide the relationship from everyone? She was smart to move on!

 

Let this be a life lesson for you. Don't repeat the same mistakes with your next GF.

[SevenCity]

I'm not going to be harsh on you, we all make mistakes.

 

Unfortunately, some of those mistakes are not fixable and you have to live with the consequences. Trying to win a girl back with gifts and flowers (which some women here think is the right thing) is the worst thing you can do.

 

She now is leading you around like a puppy and you are jumping though hoops with no reward.

 

Even if you did get her back, do you really think you could sustain this long term? What will happen once you go back to normal?

 

The other part is why did you take her for granted before? There was a reason you were not into her and the fact that you can now not have her is making you go crazy. That's what humans do.

 

If you go into a store and you are shopping for a widget and you see a pile of them you'll think "I'll keep looking". If you see there is only one left you'll grab it. She is in short supply and you are a commodity. She holds less value for you because she can have you at any time. You hold great value for her because you can't have her.

 

None of this means you'll get her back. Best thing to do is find another girl and learn from your mistakes. And who knows, once you become scarce she may see the value in you. But don't count on it.

[phineas]

end well this will not.

 

 

when a woman ends it the only way she is still on my radar is when she contacts me and makes it clear what she wants from me and it better be to get back together or she is told to take a hike.

 

from what i've seen the only time chasing a girl who broke up with you works out is in the movies.

 

and when i say works out i mean you date and treat each other well.

 

have never seen where a woman took an ex-bf back and treated him with respect.

she only took him back because she didn't have any current options.

[dumbass2]

There are a few things that a lot of ex's won't come back from and lack of effort during the relationship is one. When her feelings change over a period of time they usually won't come back. Making an effort after the fact is too late in this case. She just doesn't fell the same any more. You'll have to learn from this so it won't be an issue in your next relationship. Stop with the effort on this one because she has made it clear that it is not and will not work to get her back. She's done unless she comes to you in the future and makes the effort to get back, but only a lot of time away will tell and I honestly don't see that happening.