Any ideas on how to get to know her better?

[GianKal]

Hello LoveShackers!

 

I have met a girl on fb recently who is a painter artist. I commented on her paintings and I told her that I would be interested in having a common exhibition of our works because I am an artist too. After chatting, she asked me out for a coffee to get to know each other. I would ask her out, but she asked me first. (I didn't expect that). I agreed and we went out for a drink. When I met her, I really liked her a LOT, but the problem is that I don't know how to proceed from here.. I know it sounds stupid, but I was in a long term relationship and this is the first girl i meet and seems interesting and really beautiful, and ironically that paralyses me (!). So how would you proceed from here?

 

p.s. I don't know if she has a bf or anything, how would you ask her that?

[Gaeta]

Well, you will have to take the bull by the horns and ask her out on a date. If she has a boyfriend you'll know right there :-)

[preraph]

Ask her on a date that's obviously a date. Like a movie or dinner. "Would you like to go out Saturday night?" She'd know it was a date and if she has a bf, she won't accept and will tell you she is seeing someone. I doubt she'd have met for coffee if she wasn't somewhat open to dating you at first glance.

[act00]

I'm inclined to think she's single if she asked you out for coffee, and if she had a BF, he would have come up.

 

Ask her out. You'll get to know her over conversation over drinks/dinner. You have mutual interests with art, so you can volley some ideas of an activity to do with her, but you should have plenty to talk about, and expand to her family, work, other interests, etc. It will naturally evolve. If she's in a relationship, she will let you know.

[Popsicle]

It's baffling to me that you don't know what to do. Are you afraid to get involved with someone again?

[Maggie4]

Artists meeting for coffee is not a date! It's an exchange of ideas. Same with writers and musicians. There are certain cafés known as these hang outs, and great things have come out of them. I'd be rather disappointed if I wanted to share some passionate ideas about art and the guy can only think of me as a date just because I'm a woman.

Keep seeing each other and see where it leads. There is more to life than dating.

[heavenonearth]

If I were you, I would definitely ask her bluntly to go out some night for drinks. Sometimes it's best to just be straight forward.

[GianKal]

Artists meeting for coffee is not a date! It's an exchange of ideas. Same with writers and musicians. There are certain cafés known as these hang outs, and great things have come out of them. I'd be rather disappointed if I wanted to share some passionate ideas about art and the guy can only think of me as a date just because I'm a woman.

Keep seeing each other and see where it leads. There is more to life than dating.

 

Yeap, I agree.. I was going there to exchange ideas (mostly..) and we did, but she was also great.

[GianKal]

If I were you, I would definitely ask her bluntly to go out some night for drinks. Sometimes it's best to just be straight forward.

 

probably..

[GianKal]

It's baffling to me that you don't know what to do. Are you afraid to get involved with someone again?

 

YES! my confidence lately is rolled over by my ex..

[Chilli]

just ask her if she's seeing anyone.

l've had dozens of girls ask me that or if l'm married, within minutes.

don't worry she shouldn't bite.

[Popsicle]

YES! my confidence lately is rolled over by my ex..

 

Tell us about the ideas/thoughts that are going through your head.

[GianKal]

Tell us about the ideas/thoughts that are going through your head.

 

Well, my ex girlfriend who I was with for 3 years suddenly broke up with me - she almost ghosted me - and I was devastated for months. As I ranted in other posts, the one day she was talking about marriage and the next disappeared completely.

 

Anyway, I recently I feel much better, but there is this underlying feeling of imminent rejection, as if I am not worthy enough. I know that logically, that doesn't make sense but that's the feeling. So I am scared to even try to ask a girl out, it is as if I need to excuse myself to her.

Edited June 23, 2017 by GianKal

[Mrin]

Well, my ex girlfriend who I was with for 3 years suddenly broke up with me - she almost ghosted me - and I was devastated for months. Recently I feel much better, but there is this underlying feeling of imminent rejection, as if I am not worthy enough. I know that logically, that doesn't make sense but that's the feeling. So I am scared to even try to ask a girl out, it is as if I need to excuse myself to her.

 

Oh come on dude. Stop it. You're not some fragile ice crystal. Ask her out.

[Popsicle]

Well, my ex girlfriend who I was with for 3 years suddenly broke up with me - she almost ghosted me - and I was devastated for months. As I ranted in other posts, the one day she was talking about marriage and the next disappeared completely.

 

Anyway, I recently I feel much better, but there is this underlying feeling of imminent rejection, as if I am not worthy enough. I know that logically, that doesn't make sense but that's the feeling. So I am scared to even try to ask a girl out, it is as if I need to excuse myself to her.

 

I see.

 

Well, if you want to soften the potential blow, you can try to go in the friend back door. A lot of guys take this approach. What I mean is, just keep chatting her up like you've been doing and to try to get her more comfortable around you and to feel her out. Maybe she'll drop in conversation whether she's single or not, if you don't want to ask her directly.

 

Just know that this approach is risky. She could friendzone you for good (=wasted time for you) or she could start seeing someone else before you get to the point of being closer to her.