Showing off he is single..

[DragonzRoost]

New date I've been seeing for about a month in a half asked me "which finger do you wear a ring to show your single?" I mean yeah..he is single but, asked about us being in a relationship before.

Does this mean he wants to remain single? This guy like wearing some special male jewelry, that is how the conversation even came up. Sorry for any confusion!

[preraph]

i think he's asking what finger isn't the wedding band finger. How he doesn't know this is beyond me. Yeah, he doesn't want anyone to think he's married, so he wants to remain single right now.

[Gaeta]

He asked about being in a relationship before? Or he didn't ?

 

Maybe he is hinting at something like are we single or not.

 

Why not just ask him where he stands.

[smackie9]

His question is quiet innocent and you are reading waaaaaaaay too much into it.

 

He could have asked which finger do you wear a wedding ring on.....would that mean he is asking for marriage? no.

[act00]

There isn't a "single finger," so my guess is he's questioning which finger someone wears a wedding ring on, so he does't wear a ring on that finger. I can't say I know anyone who would want to wear a ring on their left ring finger unless they wanted strangers to perceive they are married or unavailable due to getting hit on too much or having too many moms trying to fix them up with their daughters. It's a valid question and concern. I wouldn't take it to mean "showing off" he's single. He just doesn't want to wear a ring on the wedding finger.

[RecentChange]

Kinda off topic.

 

But wedding rings do NOT stop advances. I think I get hit on more when I am wearing mine than when I don't!

 

Different cultures have different practices with this. I know some Indian cultures wear a ring in the left ring finger that DOES designate single, while a ring on the right means married.

[DragonzRoost]

Everything has been incredibly nice and we have gone everywhere together, I couldn't have been more happy these past few weeks up till now. Two things have thrown me off, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

 

1) One night this weekend I was accidentally choking on water (couldn't help it) we were trying to sleep when I cleared my voice. He wears ear plugs at night and thought he couldn't hear any of the noise. Later he woke up saying he couldn't sleep because of this and a little after I placed my hand on his back to snuggle. Again he woke up really upset saying that every time he would fall asleep I'd wake him up. That night I just turned over and didn't really acknowledge cuddling.

 

2) Waking up the next morning I mentioned him being a little grumpy, he didn't say a word and just ignored me. When I asked him why this was, he claimed his ear buds were still in. (They were not) He could hear what I was saying and said "Thought you were talking to yourself.."

 

3) After I payed for our ice cream he pointed out my ear gauges (I've had them the entire time we have been dating 1/2 months.) This was never an issue before, so wasn't sure why he commented on them. When I explained being able to wear different things like stones, glass he ignored me again..saying nothing and staring off into space. So I let the conversation just fizzle away, but couldn't put off the feeling of being judged by him. Don't get me wrong..he has payed for many things before and has mentioned how much was invested in us. When I was paying for our ice cream he kept pushing the bar, asking for three scoops, three flavors, almost like he was taking my paying for granted. (This wasn't a big deal, but seemed odd to me)

 

4) After we went to the mall later on, when leaving a store a good looking girl walked by with a friend as I was talking to him. He bluntly ignored me and proceeded to check her out when I elbowed him lightly and said "So..I was talking to you.." His response was "I was looking at one of the stores, I wouldn't be checking out two chicks." Regardless, he was doing so and ignoring me as I was talking that bothered me greatly.

 

5) While out walking back to his car from the mall he asked me out of random "Do you like being cummed on your face?" I looked at him shocked and said "I think that is inappropriate to ask randomly in public don't you think? There is a time and place for everything.." His response being "No one is around and we should be able to talk about these things openly cause we know each other." Still..I didn't think it was the time or place to be asking me those questions outside the bedroom. The question threw me off entirely and even though we have great moments, I feel I'm getting bad signs from him as things slowly progress deeper.

 

6) He has mentioned my boobs a lot, from poking them to kissing them goodnight jokingly, which really offended me before us going to sleep. There is this new player like personality showing through, just when I think things are going smoothly.

Edited May 31, 2017 by DragonzRoost

[Phoenician]

Dear ,

he might be passive aggressive ..

 

but What I am sure of is that you are incompatible .

[starrynight4321]

1) Wow, he's really a princess about his sleeping! I get this a bit though. When I'm sleeping, I don't want someone snuggling up to me. It makes it impossible to sleep. This is just incompatibility - he needs silence and no touching while sleeping, while I suppose you don't mind snuggling.

 

2) He heard you. He's being passive aggressive. Annoying. Incompatibility.

 

3) He ignored you and stared off into space after subtly judging something about your appearance. Again, passive aggressive behavior. Also, plain rude. Lastly, if you're getting the vibe that he's taking advantage of the situation because you're paying - that's a red flag. So far we have passive aggressive, rude, and taking advantage of you paying.

 

4) He was most likely looking at the girl. Eh. Even if he wasn't though, this dude seems to have a habit of zoning out and ignoring you when you're talking, almost as if he just can't be bothered for longer than 30 seconds. Nope. If he's not interested enough to even listen to you talk, he's not right for you.

 

5) To me, this is just gross. To some people, this wouldn't be a big deal. This is incompatibility. I totally get your side as far as there being a time and place for that discussion - and that time and place is not randomly dropping the question as you're walking back to your car from the mall. This guy is just totally weird and questionable - but to a different person, that comment might not be a problem. You are not that person, and that's fine. Yes, it could also be a sign that he's a player but there isn't enough information here to say that for sure. In my opinion a quality guy doesn't blurt out something like that in the middle of the day when you were talking about something completely unrelated. It's probably best saved for the bedroom or at least when you're having a more intimate conversation in private.

 

6) To be honest, this last one just seems like normal guy stuff. Some guys don't act this way, some do it in moderation, and some do it a lot. What you're comfortable with may not be how he operates - which is still just a sign of incompatibility.

 

Overall, I really think you're wasting your time with this guy. You guys don't seem to be on the same page about anything and he doesn't seem to check off any of your boxes. Drop him.

[d0nnivain]

No he's not a player in the slightest.

 

 

He's not an ideal BF & all of what he has been doing would make me re-evaluate the relationship but not because he's turned into the love 'em & leave 'em type. You are mis-identifying his sin but the wrong label doesn't make him a good BF

[1fish2fish]

Player? No.

 

Dick? Yes.

 

You can do better.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Oh goodness!

 

He's the passive aggressive type. No siree!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know about player, but he is a major butt-head!

[elaine567]

Is this the "no oral" guy or another guy?

[Kamille]

You deserve better than someone who nitpicks.

[CptInsano]

Agreed, not a player. Just somewhat immature and not as commited to this as the OP. That being said, once you start counting scoops of ice cream you're in a nitpicking phase yourself.

[Bastile]

1. I used to hate sleeping with people. It was something I tolerated in order to spend time with girlfriends. These days, I actually prefer it. But I think the default for loads of guys is being funny about this issue.

 

Wasn't there a reoccurring joke in the show Friends about this with Ross?

 

I would say that getting a proper strop on about it shows a lack of compromise though. And that will likely stretch to other areas.

 

2. Not a big deal.

 

3. I'm not sure what the problem is there. Other than him having the attention span of a gold-fish.

 

4. That excuse is funny. Thing is that you are just insecure within the relationship in general. I was with a woman a few months back, and we were walking to our date. We saw this girl walk out in front of us in a striking dress - looking great. I looked, she looked, a lot of people looked. We both just commented on it to each other.

 

But then generally my attention is very much on them. Not my phone, or others.

 

Point is that this incident wasn't the problem. The problem is that you don't feel he gives you the proper attention in general.

 

And that is an issue that likely will get worse, not better.

 

5. I'm rarely at a loss for words. But there you are.

 

6. Men like boobs.

 

Verdict: Nothing to do with being a "player". He sounds like a grumpier version of that guy from the film Memento - zoning out every 30 seconds.

[DragonzRoost]

I'm curious why my date never holds my hand when out in public.. Its just a major way I show affection. He claims to of never done this before and normally puts his arm around my shoulder when out. Is this a sign he is not wanting to look taken?

[d0nnivain]

Putting his arm around you is more intimate then hand holding. Hand holding offers more freedom of movement.

 

 

If you like hand holding, tell him to try. My husband wasn't a fan at first & balked that he had never done it either. I just shrugged, said it's time you learn & took his hand. Now he grabs mine first.

 

 

However since you are getting the more visible, more dramatic, arguably more romantic gesture, what's the problem (besides all the bad behavior you described in your other thread)?

[newheart]

I think at the point that you have a list of six items of concern about someone you have been dating for a very short time, you already know the answer ...

[DragonzRoost]

Its nice to know this isn't out of the ordinary, its just that I'd like them to try and it doesn't seem to be an effort they want to put into. Thanks for taking the time to post btw!

[preraph]

No, it doesn't mean any such thing. Don't be silly. Honestly, holding hands can look a little juvenile past a certain age to be doing it all the time. I much prefer a man who puts their arm around my shoulder, and sadly most of mine have not been touchy in that way.