He ghosted after a great date - is there anything I can say?

[Anna4822]

I met a guy at a bar a year ago. He was very into me. I wasn’t single at the time. He gave me his number and told me to reach out if I ever was. Weeks later he even asked his friend to ask my friend about me. I’m single now and decided to reach out a year later. He was VERY excited to hear from me and instantly asked me out on a date. He had the random question asking me how long I had been single. I told him that my ex and I were together almost 7 years. He was honest and said he had been married but that ended a year and a half ago.

 

We had a very solid dinner date. He showed up early, paid, joked around, and had good conversation. It had ALL the signs of a good date. One of the few questions he asked me was how long I was with my ex and where we met. We both drove 40 mins to meet and it was a work night so I don’t think he expected anything else. I was the one to say it was time to go, not him. I never got a player vibe. We both went in for the goodnight kiss – he French kissed me – it was a little aggressive, but still good. During the kiss he told me I was hot. I brought up seeing each other again (was bad on my part). He said “of course!!” and we agreed to meet Saturday. He texted me as soon as he got home to check if I made it home. He said I was better than even expected with a smiley. He said it was the fastest two hours ever, said he was looking forward to Saturday already and was so happy I texted him (not prompted by my words). He voluntarily said he would text me the next day and sent a goodnight kiss emoji. He texted the next day, the convo was decent, but it wasn’t as upbeat. The last thing I messaged him was something slightly flirtatious in response to something flirty he said. He never responded and we stopped talking. We had been texting a little each day (usually him reaching out). I texted him something random the next day, he said sorry, he wasn’t feeling good all day and had a headache. He was nice, though the convo didn't last. He said goodnight with a smiley.

 

I texted him the next day late in the evening (the day before the date) asking if he was feeling better. He didn’t respond. Then Saturday I asked if we were going on a date that day and said it was fine if not because I had back up plans, but for him to at least let me know. He didn’t respond.

 

I realize that he ghosted me and I’m better off not worrying about it. I’m confused though; felt like we had a connection and he seemed to feel that way also. I’m surprised by his sudden disappearance and so is everyone I’ve shown the messages to (even my male friends). Though texts don’t really mean much. I only had good vibes from the date – nothing seemed to say otherwise.

 

Is there Anything I can text to give it one last shot? Or is it useless? If so, what could I even say? Just wondering what happened ...I haven’t texted 3-4 days and the last text I received from him was last week. I don't want to be desperate... just a little bummed since our reconnection was so exciting.

[stillafool]

I wouldn't contact him again. If he contacts you again you can ask him what happened but it sounds like you've been ghosted. It is a lot of that going on these days. It gives these jerks (both men and women) a chance to slither away without confrontation. I don't know what the is solution to this problem.

[VeveCakes]

It's the new way to dump someone - so many emotionally stunted men that just can't even tell someone they aren't interested.

 

This is the result of a society that hides behind phones and computers.

 

Sorry this happened. Delete and block his number.

[d0nnivain]

You could try calling a NY radio station, WPLJ. The morning DJ's host a show called "blown off". They help people in your situation by getting in touch with these 1 hit wonders who were never heard from again. But you have to be willing to let your story on air. Sadly, it usually comes out that the person in your situation did something that they didn't even understand was a deal breaker; the reasons range from asking for sex; talking about EXs; being pregnant; offering to share a stash of drugs with the person; hitting on somebody's kid sister; repeatedly asking how much money the other person made etc. The list goes on.

[sweetgirl75]

I would just let it go. He does sound like a player. Some know how to make that connection we are looking for. They are observant to what we say and how we act so they can pull crap on the next date. They are slick about it too. You deserve a good man.

[Redhead14]

I met a guy at a bar a year ago. He was very into me. I wasn’t single at the time. He gave me his number and told me to reach out if I ever was. Weeks later he even asked his friend to ask my friend about me. I’m single now and decided to reach out a year later. He was VERY excited to hear from me and instantly asked me out on a date. He had the random question asking me how long I had been single. I told him that my ex and I were together almost 7 years. He was honest and said he had been married but that ended a year and a half ago.

 

We had a very solid dinner date. He showed up early, paid, joked around, and had good conversation. It had ALL the signs of a good date. One of the few questions he asked me was how long I was with my ex and where we met. We both drove 40 mins to meet and it was a work night so I don’t think he expected anything else. I was the one to say it was time to go, not him. I never got a player vibe. We both went in for the goodnight kiss – he French kissed me – it was a little aggressive, but still good. During the kiss he told me I was hot. I brought up seeing each other again (was bad on my part). He said “of course!!” and we agreed to meet Saturday. He texted me as soon as he got home to check if I made it home. He said I was better than even expected with a smiley. He said it was the fastest two hours ever, said he was looking forward to Saturday already and was so happy I texted him (not prompted by my words). He voluntarily said he would text me the next day and sent a goodnight kiss emoji. He texted the next day, the convo was decent, but it wasn’t as upbeat. The last thing I messaged him was something slightly flirtatious in response to something flirty he said. He never responded and we stopped talking. We had been texting a little each day (usually him reaching out). I texted him something random the next day, he said sorry, he wasn’t feeling good all day and had a headache. He was nice, though the convo didn't last. He said goodnight with a smiley.

 

I texted him the next day late in the evening (the day before the date) asking if he was feeling better. He didn’t respond. Then Saturday I asked if we were going on a date that day and said it was fine if not because I had back up plans, but for him to at least let me know. He didn’t respond.

 

I realize that he ghosted me and I’m better off not worrying about it. I’m confused though; felt like we had a connection and he seemed to feel that way also. I’m surprised by his sudden disappearance and so is everyone I’ve shown the messages to (even my male friends). Though texts don’t really mean much. I only had good vibes from the date – nothing seemed to say otherwise.

 

Is there Anything I can text to give it one last shot? Or is it useless? If so, what could I even say? Just wondering what happened ...I haven’t texted 3-4 days and the last text I received from him was last week. I don't want to be desperate... just a little bummed since our reconnection was so exciting.

 

just a little bummed since our reconnection was so exciting. -- YOUR connection was so exciting He had a different experience apparently or not as exciting as he would like.

 

He didn't ghost you either . . . he simply decided he didn't want another date. Ghosting is about having spent some more significant time together and then they disappear.

 

Forget about him. This is how it goes -- a guy goes on a date with someone, he likes them enough to ask them out again or not. The woman just moves on if he doesn't ask her out again within a reasonable amount of time. If he calls you for another date in a few more days, I'd just let it go to voicemail. If he lets that much time go by, he's not that interested and just circling back because other options dried up. If he has a really credible reason, you decide if you want to try again.

[ChatroomHero]

I wouldn't text him again. If he reaches out to you, I'd only reply," sorry. I'm not interested." And then block.

[smackie9]

When you start hearing the excuses like "Not feeling well, talk to you later..." they are with someone else. IMO sounds to me he had another option he wanted to work on. He put you on ignore because he did make a promise to see you again on Saturday. He's a jerk either way.

[MajesticUnicorn]

I would drop him. Do not contact him again. If he contacts you first, maybe consider it but only if he REALLY puts forth the effort after acting so wishy-washy.

 

In the past 6 months I have dealt with two guys like the one you described, and let me tell you, it is not worth it!! I was constantly overanalyzing our communications, trying to figure out what I did wrong and questioning if they were interested in me. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself not to bother with these kinds of people.

 

Maybe he'll contact you, maybe he genuinely is feeling ill, it's hard to say. But if this is the way he is treating you after one date, I would say that is a pretty good indicator of how he will treat you should you ever be in a relationship.

 

I know it hurts, especially if you aren't having the best luck dating. I thought I had some amazing connections, but at the end of the day, the right person will put forth the effort and you won't have to second guess your every move and question whether they're truly interested or not.

[Titanll]

Of course, you should not text him again. Consider this done until he contacts you, if that happens. How do people get so attached so quickly?

 

Tongue jamming you and telling you that you're hot on a first date is a bit much. And who says that you were better than expected? What kind of jerk move is that?

[Cookiesandough]

Nothing to say. I'm sorry. I agree with smackie. He got distracted by someone else and he's a jerk who can't be upfront

[smackie9]

I don't care if he had his leg chopped off.....he disrespected you. Any decent person would have contacted you. ...he could have texted you sitting there while taking a crap. I'm not buying his story.

[Shanex]

It's the new way to dump someone - so many emotionally stunted men that just can't even tell someone they aren't interested.

 

This is the result of a society that hides behind phones and computers.

 

Sorry this happened. Delete and block his number.

 

This here.

 

And both men and women do this.

 

Cowardice rather than honesty. Sad state of affairs the dating scene isn't it?

[Titanll]

I don't care if he had his leg chopped off.....he disrespected you. Any decent person would have contacted you. ...he could have texted you sitting there while taking a crap. I'm not buying his story.

 

But what if he was taking a crap and his leg was chopped off?

 

If he contacts her and his leg fell off while he was sick with the runs, I'm going to feel bad for joking...

[Anna4822]

Thank you everyone ! Yeah now that I read your messages I'm thinking he is up to no good. Glad I'm thinking more clearly. Thanks for the feedback!

[Mkn1010]

tongue jamming you and telling you that you're hot on a first date is a bit much. And who says that you were better than expected? What kind of jerk move is that?

 

^^^^^ this

[hercules22]

modern dating what a sad world we live in .