jasmine379 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 My boyfriend is planning his birthday, age 22 as an away night/weekend with his friends. He wants it to be just the boys, but it bothers me that I'm not invited. I invited him to my birthday, an away weekend, with 6 of my girlfriends and he came with a few of his friends. I guess I feel like it's not equal in that way. Am i being immature? Do you think there's nothing wrong with him wanting it just the boys, or do I have a right to be bothered? The way I see it is, he is an important part of my life and I want him with me during birthdays, holidays, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Where does he say they're going? I mean, is it Vegas or is it a camping trip where they're going to sit around and light farts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 If it's a boys trip & you trust him, send him on his way with your blessing. Do something little with him before or after. If you don't trust him get a new BF 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 I don't see the problem, to be honest (I'm a woman too, for what it's worth) Plan something separate for the two of you to celebrate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 My boyfriend is planning his birthday, age 22 as an away night/weekend with his friends. He wants it to be just the boys, but it bothers me that I'm not invited. I invited him to my birthday, an away weekend, with 6 of my girlfriends and he came with a few of his friends. I guess I feel like it's not equal in that way. Am i being immature? Do you think there's nothing wrong with him wanting it just the boys, or do I have a right to be bothered? The way I see it is, he is an important part of my life and I want him with me during birthdays, holidays, etc. Don't be selfish now let him have his fun with his mates. You can share something else when he gets back okay. If you smother him you'll just drive him away. This is the type of guy you want you know. So he's not going to be just like you in a way you know. Can't get your way always. Guys want to do guy things you would just get in his way. Trust him or walk away. The choice is yours. But I know it hurts but this is his choice not yours to make. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 You'd really want to be the only girl away with a heap of boys doing boy stuff? I would suggest you ask him to do something with you before or after the event. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Woman poster here and I can't see a problem here at all. And yes, in answer to your question I do think you're being immature over this. It's his birthday, let him go and have a fun weekend with the boys! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Men need men time. Maybe you'd spend your every awaken moment with him but it doesn't mean he's wired like you. He's a 22 year old man, we're 22 only once. Being 22 is about having fun with the boys, when he's 35 with 3 kids it'll all be over. Let him go and enjoy himself. And please don't go, you'll just embarass him as if he can't take a step without you there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Let him have his boys' night. Why in the world would you plan a girls' night and then invite your boyfriend? That changes the whole dynamic of the planned event. Personally, if the girls and I planned a night out or weekend, and one of them invited her boyfriend (and his buddies), I would not be pleased, but since it was your birthday, they probably let it slide, though I have to say you were rude. Let him have his fun. If you don't trust him, you have bigger fish to fry. You can always do something special for his birthday before or after. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 I invited him to my birthday, an away weekend, with 6 of my girlfriends and he came with a few of his friends. I find that so weird. Are you the only non single people among your groups of friends? Because that would be so weird if you invited your boyfriend and his friends for your "girls trip" but their boyfriends weren't there, and same for your boyfriends, friends and their gfs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 I mean, it would be one thing if the other guys going were bringing girlfriends or other girls to the trip. But it sounds like exactly what it is, a guy's trip. Let him go and have his fun. It shows trust and maturity. Plan something special for when he gets back or maybe the two of you can plan your own romantic getaway. It's always annoying when that one guy, or that one girl, HAS to bring their significant other along to every single thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 This is where maturity, and accepting having a life outside the relationship as being so important. Him having a boy's weekend is healthy....and you too having your girl's weekend is too. You will have to make other plans to celebrate his bday. My husband has his xmas dinner weekends where it was the guys only (his boss and other male employees) would go snowboarding, etc. Perfectly OK with me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Has he mentioned having a birthday celebration with you, before or after his trip? I wouldn't begrudge an SO a trip with his friends (if you're concerned about the activities/venue, that's something to discuss), but understandably you would feel left out if he's wanting to celebrate with his pals but isn't interested in doing something with you at another time. Offer to have a pre-trip celebration with him. Have a night out with some of your friends while he's gone, and put away your phone. Enjoy your "me" time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 The problem I see here is that your expectations of him as a bf and how he sees being your bf are not matching up. YOU included him in your birthday celebrations but he took his mates along and now it is his birthday he is taking a trip again with his mates in tow and without you. I guess he is not really seeing your relationship as the "coupley" thing that you want it to be. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 If he's having a guy's night that's fine. Maybe they just sit around and play poker together. If they are going to a strip club ... Well, they're there to look not touch, right? Whether he's doing the first or the second, no worries. Let him (and them) have guy time. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Unless he insisted on going to your 'girls night' birthday party, I don't think you are entitled to expect him to do the same. Plan something for him for his birthday on another day and have some 'you time' the weekend he is away. Re Elaine: He was invited to hang out with 7 women. Unless OP did not mention it, the 6 friends partners were not there: I see nothing wrong with inviting friends: he probably just didn't want to be the odd one out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 My boyfriend is planning his birthday, age 22 as an away night/weekend with his friends. He wants it to be just the boys, but it bothers me that I'm not invited. I invited him to my birthday, an away weekend, with 6 of my girlfriends and he came with a few of his friends. I guess I feel like it's not equal in that way. Am i being immature? Do you think there's nothing wrong with him wanting it just the boys, or do I have a right to be bothered? The way I see it is, he is an important part of my life and I want him with me during birthdays, holidays, etc. It's not a matter of "rights". You feel how you feel. There's nothing wrong with him wanting a guys night out for this. However, you need to get a clear understanding with him what you expect with regards to birthdays, etc., because he may not feel the same way, nor is he obligated to. He's not your clone. Don't turn this into a parent/child dynamic because it won't end well if you do. Don't get caught in the net of giving to get" or "give with a price tag/'you owe me'" attached. You invited him because you wanted to invite him--nothing wrong with that. However, he wasn't obligated to invite you to his just because you did. You attached an expectation, or a "you owe me" to your doing it and that's the problem here. The fact that he brought his boys with him, to me, is clear that he was uncomfortable being at the hen party as the only guy. He went along to get along, otherwise, I'm sure, there would have been a fight. You and he do something nice for his birthday and leave it at that. Have that talk because you're both on different pages in your expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 This is really a win-win situation for you. If he is genuinely going away for a guys weekend for his birthday (totally appropriate) then he knows how to enjoy himself with just the guys and that's great. If he is going away to be with the guys and do some shady stuff too, then you're going to figure it out and gain some valuable knowledge about who he is as a person. You win either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts