Should I make a move ?

[Aceplicit]

Hi everyone.

 

 

This is going to be very long and I'm sorry. I didn't want to let any details out.

 

I'm a member of a little website, its main purpose is to meet people for friendship or love. With the admin, who is a friend, we put together meet-ups IRL regularly.

 

That's how I met this guy, he came to one of our meet-ups in June. I had never talked to him before but ended up having a long conversation with him. He was really nice and interesting. Every time I looked at him, he was looking at me or ended up doing so. He would smile or joke. After, when I was walking to the subway, alone, he came to talk to me again. We took the subway together and talked until I had to get out.

At this moment in time, I was interested in someone else so I didn't try to stay in contact with him on the website. And he didn't either.

 

He came again to our meet-up in November. He lives in the north of the country, that's why he doesn't come often. We ended up sitting next to each other at the bar and we spent a lot of time talking and joking. He remembered stuff I had said back in June that I didn't even remembered talking about.*

The next day, I decided to send him a message on the website to keep in touch and he replied the next day.*

 

That's how we started messaging back and forth, the messages becoming longer and longer each time. That being said, he wasn't very regular in his replies. Sometimes I would wait a few days and he would never reply on week-ends.

Also, I told him in my third message that I was looking for someone. He didn't comment on it and said nothing about what he was looking for. On his profile, it said that he was looking for friendship but he added "but more if we hit it off."

 

One day, he told me that he would buy my lemonade next time we see each other if I didn't laugh at something he showed me. Another day, I told him my mom was awesome and he replied that she had made me and that it was a really good point in her favor. I was surprised that he would pay me such a compliment.

 

We had another meet-up in December and he had said that he might come. On the day, I still wasn't sure if he was coming. I asked another member who was friend with him and he didn't know either so he tried calling him and left a message. We carried on with our program for the day and the friend realized that his phone wasn't getting any service. Mine was, so he gave me my guy's phone number. I texted him, telling him about the service problem and that we wanted to know if he was coming. He replied 45 minutes later, telling me that he was sorry, he couldn't come and had wanted to tell me before but wasn't able to. He also told me that he was getting his credit card ready for next time for my lemonade.*

 

I knew he was going on vacation after that and didn't get any news from him until the day after Christmas, he texted me. I was really surprised, I myself wasn't planning on texting him since he hadn't given me his phone number willingly. He wished me happy holidays and told me that he would be back on the website in early January. I replied something nice with a little joke and well… we started talking via text. It lasted 3 days and then nothing, he stopped replying.*

 

He reappeared in January, via text again. He wished me a happy new year and told me he had a problem with his phone and had to buy a new one.*

 

The friend who gave me his number had organised a meet-up (I wasn't involved this time) and had invited me. I knew my guy was coming but we never talked about it.

When I arrived, he was already there. When he saw me, he didn't say "Hi" like he did with the others before me, he looked very surprised and said "Ah sh*t." I was really offended and mumbled "Like, oh no, not her ?" and he just replied that he didn't know I was coming.

Since I was feeling rejected, I decided that I would avoid him all night and see what he would do.*

First, he took a seat next to me. We talked with everyone but ended up talking together and joking around. He showed me his new phone too. More people started to arrive so we got separated. At the end, while everyone was paying for our respective drinks, he asked if I wanted him to pay for mine. I had already paid so I told him it was ok (I'm so stupid like that).*

We all got out of the bar to go to a restaurant. Every time I ended up walking alone he would come talk to me without fail. We were still talking when we arrived at the restaurant so we ended up seating next to each other and spent almost all evening talking together. He joked and teased me a lot (I did too, but mostly him)(It looked a lot like flirting).

At one point, the friend joined our conversation when I was saying that I've never been to the city my guy lives in. The friend told me that he was planning to go there at the end of the month for a week-end with 2 more members and that a seat was available in the car. My guy added that a bed was available in the room they had rented too.*

After the restaurant, we all went back to the subway and yet again, he came to talk to me.*

He also told me that he would reply to my last text the next day but he didn't. He replied 4 days later. At the end, he told me that it was "pleasant last Saturday."

 

The next week-end, I saw some friends from the website and one of them asked me to go out with him as part of a joke. I texted my guy saying that we had fun, we ate fries, had beers and someone asked me to go out with him. At first, he just replied that it sounded like we had fun but a few texts later, he came back to the subject by saying that someone had made advances at me with fries and that he, himself, liked being hit on by someone with cheese stuck to their face. It was obviously a joke but I told him that it was good to know. He replied "Don't tell my secret to everyone." I decided to go for it and told him "Don't worry, I plan on using this weak point for myself so I'm not going to tell my rivals." It got me a weak "Madame likes monopolies." I didn't back off and replied that, that way I got more chances and he just replied that nothing had to do with chance, it was all "work, work, work." I replied something like "ugh, work again ? But thanks for the tip !" And he said "you're welcome, my pleasure." And that was that. But I think I was pretty forward about my intentions with him.

 

We kept talking via texts for a few days, with him sometimes taking a few days to reply. On a whim, I asked him if he was available the next week-end because I was planning a party for my birthday. He replied that he would come if he was invited and asked if someone could let him stay for the night. I told him that it was an invitation and that he could stay on my couch. He told me that he would be there.

 

True to his word, he came and he even brought me a present, a local specialty I previously told him I've never tasted and wanted to.

My best friend got to talk to him, especially about the trip to his city he and the friend had talk to me about back at the last meet-up. For me, the invitation wasn't clear and since neither one of them talked to me about it again, I assumed that I wasn't really invited. My guy told my best friend that I was invited. She told him that I can be very clueless sometimes, people need to be very forward with me for me to understand this kind of stuff. So… Yeay for my stupidity…

Also, the friend had told me that the night they arrived, my guy teased him about his crappy texts and said that mine were better. He even showed him from afar. He looked proud/happy.

 

The morning after my birthday party, we talked and talked and talked. He even told me again that I was invited to the trip to his city that I had missed due to my daftness.*We basically spent all morning together talking about everything and nothing. It was really nice. He left after lunch to take his train back. I didn't dare do anything to take our relationship to the next level and he didn't either.

I texted him a few hours later to tell him that his gift was super good and I loved it and to ask him if he got home ok. 2 days and 2 texts later, he finally told me "I was very happy to be with you in the quiet of a Sunday morning." I told him that I was very happy too, that it was a perfect Sunday morning and that we could do it again whenever he wanted. He told me "With pleasure *But in the spring because I just made a big purchase and I need to be careful for a while."

Well, I was disappointed but told him that in this case, I could be the one coming to see him. He told me that he could welcome me but he couldn't do it at his home right now. And he suggested we rent an Airbnb just like he did with the friend in January. He even suggested we could do that when he had some vacation if I had some too, so we could have more time. I told him I was ok with it and asked him when he was available.*

 

His vacations started and he just disappeared. I had no news for 6 days. I decided to revive the conversation a bit by sending him another text. I only had a reply 3 days later. He told me he was out of the country and his international plan wasn't working. I replied with a joke and he texted back again the next day. I replied (making a big innuendo) but got nothing back again for 8 days.

I decided to text him again to tell him that I had found a new job. He replied a few hours later, congratulated me, asked me what I was going to do at work, and told me a bit about what he was doing, that he was very busy and exhausted. We started texting again and he even replied to my long text with the innuendo (he didn't acknowledge it…). He told me that we could probably meet in April without really specifying when so I suggested 2 or 3 dates and every time he told me he wasn't available. After the third rejection, I thought he was trying to shake me off so I told him that I had the feeling he wasn't really into it, that I felt I was imposing and I didn't like that. And I told him that it was ok, we would see each other again at a meet-up. He replied that I shouldn't worry, he was just really busy in march and not sure when he would be available next. I decided that I wouldn't talk to him about it again. In addition, he was even more irregular than usual in his replies at this point, so I wasn't feeling very confident about this whole thing.

10 days later, he finally gave me a date. I was available too so I told him ok. He was the one to say that it would be cool if I came on Friday night and spent two nights in his city. He suggested a restaurant we could go to that he was sure I would like and a place where we could have my favorite drink.

 

The frequency of his texts went back to how it was before his vacations. He also told me a little more about his life, what he was doing at the moment and stuff like that. Another meet-up was coming too and he told me he was going. I asked him if he wanted to sleep on my couch so we could look quietly together for the Airbnb for our trip the next morning. He said yes.

On the day of the meet-up, his train got canceled. He texted me to tell me that he was trying to find another one but he wasn't sure he could make it. He spent like… 5 or 6 hours at the train station and finally gave up. He sounded disappointed in his texts but it's difficult to know.

 

We finally looked for apartments on Airbnb two days after the meet-up. He sent me some links but it wasn't great so he told me that we could also go sleep at some of his friends'. But he pointed out that they were smokers (he knows I'm asthmatic) so I told him no. I finally found a great apartment within our budget with a couch for him and a separated room for me. He agreed with it and made the reservation. Unfortunately, he had a problem with his credit card so I told him that I would pay with my Paypal account since he didn't have one and asked him to give me his login details. He told me that he was logged in with his Facebook account and he just gave me what I needed to log in on his Facebook. I was kinda shocked. Either he trusts me A LOT, or he is totally reckless. Either way, I logged in, paid for the apartment and logged out without looking at anything (oh the temptation !).

 

Two days before my arrival, he told me he went to the hairdresser. He said it was ugly. He also told me "I will be there for you, just for you". On the day, just before my train arrived at the station, he texted me again a "I will be there for you" and he was.

He took me to a bar he knew where I could get my favorite drink. We spent 3 hours talking there before deciding to go to the apartment to rest. Except we ended up talking on the couch until 2 in the morning. We got a few hours of sleep and spent the morning talking again around breakfast and tea. We finally went out for lunch at the restaurant he thought I would like (I loved it) and then we started our tour of the city. It was really nice, we joked and teased each other a lot, we had good laughs other stupid things, we walked a lot too. It was great. Like really great. At the end of the day, he asked me if I wanted to "go back home" to rest a bit before going out to diner. I said ok and we totally missed diner because we talked until 2 in the morning again. The next day, we continued our tour of the city then went back to the apartment to get our stuff and he took me to the train station. We said goodbye and that was it.

 

During our talks, he said 3 things that jumped out at me. The first was when he told me about a friend of his that married pretty young and quickly. I was making a weird face because I couldn't understand why and he told me "I know, we are both the same about this." Which means he paid attention about what I think about mariage even though I never really said out loud that I'm against it.

Second, we were talking about his mother who still had hope to have grandchildren. He told her that the only way she could have some is if he got together with someone who already has kids. And then he said "but since I never take the lead for this kind of stuff…" When he said this, he looked elsewhere when he would always look at me when we talked.

And third, we were talking about movies and tv shows and I told him that some people got the record for bingewatching shows for 28 hours or something. And then, he pointed at me quickly and said "Or, there is the record for the longest kiss, 55 hours !" I was so surprised I didn't jump to the occasion.

 

Two hours after we parted, he sent me a text just saying "thank you for this week-end :)" I thought I should be the one thanking him but it was nice, I thought it meant he had a good time. When I got back home, I sent him a text saying that I was finally in my bed with some cheese in my belly (we love cheese) and he replied "<3 Shaggy was talking about you when he sang Sexy Lady XD"

We kept texting all week after that, and I even got a text on Friday AND Saturday even though he almost never texts on this days.

 

Do you think there is something there on his part ? I know I really like him, he is totally my type too, we both share a lot in common, especially the way we think a couple should work.

I'm very slow to understand when someone likes me (once, it took me 6 months even though the guy was winking at me everyday…). I also know he is a very friendly guy, he loves meeting new people, making friends. He has been alone, sentimentally speaking, for a while (years) and is not actively looking for someone. He doesn't really care if he is alone or not, he is actually fine by himself. I'm a bit the same but I get lonely sometimes and I think he could be a great match for me.

 

There is another meet-up next week-end, he is coming. Should I make a move ?

 

Thank you for reading this super long message and for your help.

[Telemachus]

I have no idea what "move" you have in mind. You're analyzing this to death. Unless the move you would make is illegal or would be considered to be notoriously disgraceful, do it.

 

The details were totally unnecessary. You're having trouble deriving meaning from text messages, because there is no great meaning in the vast majority of text messages. They're like sneezes.

 

Whatever move you make, please don't make it a text message. You'd be better off sneezing.

[Aceplicit]

I have nothing illegal or disgraceful in mind.

 

I don't agree with your texts as sneezes theory. I think you can convey a lot with words. But basically, you are telling me that there is nothing there. Well, too bad for me.

[Kellens]

I think he may be interested in you but not in a relationship. Perhaps that's why he takes such long breaks between contacting you. My guess is that there are other ladies in his life and he's just having fun being single. Your long post makes me think you would want something more then casual? How old are the both of you?

[MajesticUnicorn]

You could make a move. It seems like he is interested in you at this point, to what extent, I don't know.

 

I would just be careful, it seems like there are some red flags thrown in there. The long periods of time of no contact, excuses (cancelled train, credit card troubles, his home not being suited for visitors)...to me it sounds like he could be hiding something. Maybe not and maybe he genuinely is a busy guy with bad luck, it's hard to say.

[GunslingerRoland]

Some of the things he says makes him sound into you, but man, that is 11 months. Do you really want to be with a guy who doesn't make a real move in 11 months and you have to throw yourself at?

 

Also how old are you guys? I was thinking you guys were around 20 when I first started reading it, and then other parts made it seem like you guys are middle aged. I guess it doesn't matter, but I get the sense he doesn't have much experience with women.

[O'Malley]

If you're that curious, call him and suggest a date. Gauge his response (something you can't do well over text) and go from there. Anything other than "yes" and a set date and time means it's time for you to move on.

 

That he goes off the radar so casually, rather than increasing his contacts with you over the past 11 months, suggests that his interest level is low. If he loves meeting new people, he's probably not shy about initiating with women. It sounds like he enjoys spending time with you when you meet up, but his interest isn't strong enough for him to consider you a romantic prospect.

[Telemachus]

I have nothing illegal or disgraceful in mind.

 

I don't agree with your texts as sneezes theory. I think you can convey a lot with words. But basically, you are telling me that there is nothing there. Well, too bad for me.

 

A text message costs nothing, take a few seconds, and is usually composed with little care. That says all one needs to know about their worth and meaning. If you've ever sent or received a great text message, something that Ernest Hemingway would have been proud to pen his name to, you're unique and special. I can't count myself or anyone I know among your illustrious circle of great communicators via SMS or text.