Holiday booked

[so gutted]

I had 2 dates with a guy who is smitten with me.

 

Regular contact and 2 long dates.

 

Then his sister got ill so he was in and out of hospita, she has a tumour from before.

 

After that, when she was better (he was still in regular contact) he then booked a long holiday.

 

He is now on holiday and sending lots of photos every day. I find this very irritating. Also SMS ing from there. Its really annoying as I'm not there and it's not my holiday. He expects a reaction from his photos (of scenery).

 

From the time of the second date to his return from holiday it will have been 6 weeks.

 

I told him before I'm not into virtual relationships.

 

I feel irritated that after leading me on he booked a long holiday and expects to carry on dating on his return.

 

I cannot say anything while he is on holiday but why should I wait around his holiday schedule? The photos need to stop as well.

[d0nnivain]

He's trying to stay connected. What he's doing is being nice. Give him a break. You don't have to wait around but you need to stop being mad at him for being kind & trying.

[so gutted]

What about the photos? Why would you send these?

 

It seems he wants to have his free life & keep me waiting.

 

When we finally meet it will be 6 weeks since we last met...and I'm angry that he booked a long holiday very soon into us meeting. He chose to do that.

[preraph]

I'm afraid you are just grossly overreacting. He's just excited about his vacation and staying in touch with you. How can you resent this? You've only been on 2 dates? Surely you didn't expect him to take you with him or invite you after 2 dates???? You're being resentful and covetous and very unrealistic and if you say one word about this to him, he's going to think you're nuts! Because he's done nothing wrong.

[so gutted]

So am I supposed to pretend I'm not p off with this?

 

6 weeks is a long break. It just shows where his priorities are.

 

SMS me from

The beach is no effort at all.

[d0nnivain]

After 2 dates you are hardly the center of his universe, nor should you be. His sister almost DIED. He probably has to process that. It's not about you.

 

 

If you are that pissed off, walk away. This guy needs somebody who can understand his pain

[rester]

What about the photos? Why would you send these?

 

It seems he wants to have his free life & keep me waiting.

 

When we finally meet it will be 6 weeks since we last met...and I'm angry that he booked a long holiday very soon into us meeting. He chose to do that.

 

If this is the same guy from your last thread that wanted to marry you after those two dates [http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/616990-ghosted], I'm surprised you haven't blocked him.

 

If you don't want to date him when he returns, tell him so. He can't read your mind.

Edited April 23, 2017 by rester

[so gutted]

I supported him re his sister but to then go to the opposite side of the world suggests that maybe she wasn't that bad. Surely he would stick around if she was.

 

I'm not sure if this is me being committment Phoenix again as he is showing proper interest. I might be allergic to proper commitment/relationship because I seem to intensely hate anyone that is nice to me.

[so gutted]

If this is the same guy from your last thread that wanted to marry you after those two dates [http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/616990-ghosted], I'm surprised you haven't blocked him.

 

If you don't want to date him when he returns, tell him so. He can't read your mind.

 

No its not him, he disappeared.

[rester]

No its not him, he disappeared.

 

In that case, I agree with the others and believe you are massively overreacting.

[basil67]

So you don't want to go waiting around for him. Fair enough. Why didn't you simply tell him that you'd continue dating and if you were still single when he returned, you could see him again?

 

Or, you could have just told him that you were no longer interested and to have a nice holiday.

 

If you did neither of these things, you're the one who's created your current feeling of angst.

[rester]

On second thought, I can see why you'd be irritated that you haven't seen him in 6 weeks. Like I said above though, he can't read your mind. From his perspective, he is doing the best he can to stay in touch.

 

If his pictures are bothering you that much, tell him so and why.

 

But before you do that, maybe try to think about what is really bothering you. Is it the pictures or is it that he's on holiday without you?

[so gutted]

He jokingly offered to take me, but because we had previously discussed indirectly that I'm staying celibate until marriage I think he knew this wasn't appropriate.

 

I seem to find fault in anyone that is interested in me at the 3/4 date stage. Its unfair to him.

 

I think I'm either set in my ways or deep down not wanting the montomy of a marriage. I just don't think marriage is romantic or fun.

[so gutted]

On second thought, I can see why you'd be irritated that you haven't seen him in 6 weeks. Like I said above though, he can't read your mind. From his perspective, he is doing the best he can to stay in touch.

 

If his pictures are bothering you that much, tell him so and why.

 

But before you do that, maybe try to think about what is really bothering you. Is it the pictures or is it that he's on holiday without you?

 

I did mention this when he told me he is going and can we meet on x date after his return. I found that insulting too.

[MidwestUSA]

He jokingly offered to take me, but because we had previously discussed indirectly that I'm staying celibate until marriage I think he knew this wasn't appropriate.

 

I seem to find fault in anyone that is interested in me at the 3/4 date stage. Its unfair to him.

 

I think I'm either set in my ways or deep down not wanting the montomy of a marriage. I just don't think marriage is romantic or fun.

 

 

So, you want to stay celibate till marriage, but don't really want marriage?

 

Have you figured out why none of these guys ever stick around? Maybe it's not you finding fault. If they are showing interest, it's to see if they can get you in bed, breaking your rule. A conquest.

 

I'm not sure how marriage could be anymore monotonous than what you're doing now.

[Gr8fuln2020]

He jokingly offered to take me, but because we had previously discussed indirectly that I'm staying celibate until marriage I think he knew this wasn't appropriate.

 

I seem to find fault in anyone that is interested in me at the 3/4 date stage. Its unfair to him.

 

I think I'm either set in my ways or deep down not wanting the montomy of a marriage. I just don't think marriage is romantic or fun.

 

I don't understand where the whole marriage thing is in regards to the current development, but I find it interesting that he's going on a 6-week vacation?! To one place??? Or is he country-hopping?

 

So, you told him that you would not have sex before you got married, huh? I don't believe vacationing together would have been inappropriate, rather, it would have been counter to what his desires would have been and still are...likely. I don't believe he is the waiting type, do you?

 

Anyway, he seems to be interested in keeping in contact with you. Two dates doesn't mean much, so you shouldn't be so upset. I do agree that his sending you pics could be a little irritating as 2-dates hardly makes him obligated to do so. Frankly, I wouldn't wait 6-weeks for the guy. What for? Continue dating.

[so gutted]

So, you want to stay celibate till marriage, but don't really want marriage?

 

Have you figured out why none of these guys ever stick around? Maybe it's not you finding fault. If they are showing interest, it's to see if they can get you in bed, breaking your rule. A conquest.

 

I'm not sure how marriage could be anymore monotonous than what you're doing now.

 

Isn't that a lot of effort for them, paying for dates etc just for a conquest?

[so gutted]

I don't understand where the whole marriage thing is in regards to the current development, but I find it interesting that he's going on a 6-week vacation?! To one place??? Or is he country-hopping?

 

So, you told him that you would not have sex before you got married, huh? I don't believe vacationing together would have been inappropriate, rather, it would have been counter to what his desires would have been and still are...likely. I don't believe he is the waiting type, do you?

 

Anyway, he seems to be interested in keeping in contact with you. Two dates doesn't mean much, so you shouldn't be so upset. I do agree that his sending you pics could be a little irritating as 2-dates hardly makes him obligated to do so. Frankly, I wouldn't wait 6-weeks for the guy. What for? Continue dating.

 

 

6 weeks since we last met (his sister being ill, a family event, his holiday if 2 weeks).

 

I have been on other dates, kept options open. I feel obligated to respond to his constant SMS.

[preraph]

It really sounds to me like you don't even want a relationship. You are certainly jeopardizing this one of exactly two dates over nothing. Two dates counts for nothing. I feel you are really just finding a reason to not continue dating. If you don't want to marry, then don't. If you don't want to date men, then don't.

If you don't want to have sex, then don't. If you just don't have it all figured out, then that's fine. Relax until you figure out what you want or maybe talk to a therapist if you don't have someone you trust to talk it through with or just need someone that can be objective and doesn't know you and won't judge.

[Versacehottie]

What about the photos? Why would you send these?

 

It seems he wants to have his free life & keep me waiting.

 

When we finally meet it will be 6 weeks since we last met...and I'm angry that he booked a long holiday very soon into us meeting. He chose to do that.

 

D*mn girl you sound angry and bitter. Not a good look for a new relationship--or any for that matter. You can't expect people to read your mind & you've only been on two dates. You should lower your expectations AND set some boundaries (i.e. something to the effect of : enjoy your holiday and let's talk when you get back). Idk, otherwise it would seem that it IS kind and thoughtful and that he's into you to keep letting you in on his day. If it's too much too soon, that's understandable---but you can't have it both ways--wanting him to be in town & available to keep moving forward with you at full speed after two dates, taking your needs fully into consideration as if you were a gf and not in touch at all. He sounds like he's trying to do the best he can with the situation at hand--staying in touch.

 

If you feel annoyed, I think it's just going to keep coming up with this guy or with guys in general. You should relax a bit--not everyone is going to exhibit behavior you find perfect in a relationship situation. If you feel like he's stringing you along in some virtual relationship, just tell him that you'd prefer to pick things up, if you both still feel that way, when he gets back. I don't think that's what he is doing but you are the one experiencing it. Somehow I think if he wasn't contacting you at all you'd be annoyed too (or maybe insecure).

[Gr8fuln2020]

6 weeks since we last met (his sister being ill, a family event, his holiday if 2 weeks).

 

I have been on other dates, kept options open. I feel obligated to respond to his constant SMS.

 

Thank you for the clarification.

 

It's great that you have kept your options open. YOU are not obligated to respond to every sms. You've only dated 2x. If you really like him, as you seem to take light, but your actions indicate that there is something keeping you around.

[Popsicle]

I am astounded by how entitled you are acting. If you don't want to respond to his texts just tell him to not text you. until he is back.

[Tressugar]

Op, I understand how frustrating you feel. I would be peeved too!

 

Stop responding to his SMS and see how it all unfolds after he gets back from vacation. But all the while continue to do you.

[MidwestUSA]

Isn't that a lot of effort for them, paying for dates etc just for a conquest?

 

TWO dates? No, it's not a lot of effort.

 

You read way too much into things. As far as him texting pics, just ignore them if you don't like it.

 

Do you know what casual dating is, and taking time to get to know someone, or are you after an instarelationship/marriage but not marriage? Do you ever wonder if you confuse the heck out of men?

[GemmaUK]

You need to send him a text ending this - right now.