just open minded or actually lgbtq?

[foreverdancer]

okay so let's start things off. don't wanna come off as paranoid but i'm a little too bothered. i'm a 21 y/o girl i've been dating this 28 y/o guy for the past several days but ummm i have serious doubts about his sexuality. he's supposedly straight. however:

 

1) after i met him i told a friend i fancied him. he replied "oh, i think he might be gay though." now i usually won't believe statements like that but this friend of mine has an ability to read people's behavior, body language, etc very well.

 

2) after he had met my friends he asked me if so-and-so was gay "because he usually can't tell" or something like that.

 

3) one time we were talking about taylor swift (he said that he likes taylor swift) and he mentioned a certain song and said that straightness aside, he finds the guy in the video attractive. he also told me when we were watching a movie that he had a man crush on a certain actor. (he has also mentioned a few crushes on female celebrities though)

 

4) one time a britney spears song (the newest one) played in his car.

 

5) we were talking about his cousin whom i knew and he told me that a gay friend of hers had a crush on him and tried to flirt with him aggressively at a bar.

 

that's not a lot of evidence but here are some facts which may or may not help:

 

- he dresses well but definitely nothing too over the top.

 

- he has progressive political views regarding the lgbtq (and also everything else like abortion). he's also pretty smart, sophisticated, and cultured.

 

- he's in politics and comes from an old political family.

 

- all of his exes are female.

 

- he has went out with a girl my age who goes to the same school as me.

 

- we started hanging out 4 days ago and we've seen each other every day since, with him always messaging immediately after we go out and making plans for the next day. well maybe this might be because he's only in my city for 2-3 days a week at a time. but it's definitely new for me. he messages me all the time on messenger and when we see each other we have good long conversations, to the point where we've already talked a lot about our lives. surprisingly he hasn't tried to really touch me or make a move or anything (honestly expected that to happen quickly given the age and power difference and all).

 

what do you think?? so far i'm starting to like him and he's way different and above the other boys i've dated, but i can't shake off this nagging feeling that he might be, i don't know, gay or bi, or something else. also i tried to state these facts as objectively and with as little personal speculation as possible because i want you to make an opinion based on "raw data" so to speak.

Edited March 15, 2017 by foreverdancer

[GunslingerRoland]

4) one time a britney spears song (the newest one) played in his car.

 

See, clearly he isn't gay. Gay men listen to Lady Gaga, not Britney Spears.

 

 

Oh and there is also the fact, he has sex with women rather than men. Some people believe that this is the most obvious way to figure out if a man is gay or not.

[anzhoulau]

Dear, as a gay man I can tell you, none of those superficial things matter (how he dresses, what songs he listens to, whether there is gay ppl hitting on him, etc), I know guys wearing "loads" of makeups and fancying Chanel being straight and guys who play rugby and not washing for 3 days being gay.

 

Quick way to check? Download Grindr and see if he's on it.

[lakerman34]

I can do you a couple better.

 

I keep my self clean-shaven, have openly said some guys were "really good looking dudes," I've lived with a GAY married couple (they became some of my best friends), I openly reveal man crushes to my lady friends, I have WAY more lady friends than man friends, I move my wrists in a suggestive motion, I've "flirted" with some close guy friends (in a joking matter), and I'm SUPER open about my support of the LGBTQ community (for one of my recent birthdays, a gay friend of mine took me gay bar hopping -- it was hilarious). Also, I love musicals, the ballet, and thought The Notebook was an excellent movie.

 

With all that, I am straighter than a linear equation (nerdy math joke), and on TOP of that, women have told me they never questioned my sexuality, and I'm "definitely straight" BECAUSE of my openness towards the gay community and willingness to admit when a guy is good looking.

 

The ONLY way to tell if a man is gay is if he is actively (and exclusively) dating other men. Seriously -- even if you catch a man performing fellatio on another man, that in itself isn't a true indicator (I've had a roommate once that blew a guy in college, and is now engaged to a woman and considers himself straight -- sexuality is fluid and people like to experiment).

 

I have told friends that I'm heteroflexible, just VERY strong on the hetero, but they usually laugh at me and tell me "we know you never had nor ever will have any interest in touching other men." They're absolutely right.

 

My parents questioned my sexuality for a long time (probably still do, honestly). When I was in college, I was in a cafe in Greece with my parents, and my dad said he recognized that I didn't "look at people" and "check out the women" (i.e. objectify them). He said, "what's wrong? Are you gay, son?" I responded, "Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a dancer."

 

I teach 7th graders, and some of them question my orientation too. My response is always, "and if I am, so what?"

 

Mostly though, I have VERY masculine features. Just a pretty face and super long eyelashes. It comes with the chiseled jawline, super broad shoulders, and a "deep booming voice that people want to listen to (an ex-LADYfriend told me that)."

Edited March 16, 2017 by lakerman34

[todreaminblue]

i dont think he is gay ...i do think he is confident in his own sexuality to say that man looks good.....and to notice a good lookin man.....that isnt gay...and guys who look after themselves ....thats a bonus.....deb

[basil67]

Are you 'dating' him or just hanging out with him?

[GoldSparkz]

You need to fix your gaydar:lmao:

 

He's definitely not gay...more comfortable in his own skin to be who he wants to be without fearing that he's going to be judged. Good for him.

[Lilyana76]

He sounds pretty straight to me.

 

Usually if a man is gay, and not "out" about it, they are still having sex with a man at some point.

 

Take my ex husband for example. Married to me for 20 years. Cheated on me repeatedly, mostly with women. But the last time was with a man. Since our separation and divorce, he still plays life like hes straight.... I am absolutely sure he's still sleeping with men, but dating women. He rebuilds muscle cars, builds firetrucks for a living, plays football, is a very many type man. But honestly, hes gay. He just isn't out about it.

 

Also, I know that I find some women extremely attractive, and I am a straight woman. I can appreciate beauty where I see it. Doesn't make me or anyone else gay to think someone is attractive.

 

Get off the stereotypes! I'm a tiny, classic looking, blonde lady. People meet me and think I'm into country music, or I'm uptight and stuffy... I can't stand country music, I love hard rock and metal, and I'm one of the most open minded and fun people I know! It all comes down to stereotyping, you shouldn't do it in relationships at all. Friends or romantic.

[CptInsano]

See, clearly he isn't gay. Gay men listen to Lady Gaga, not Britney Spears.[...]

 

Agreed, Britney appeals to a different crowd. The guy may be a closet Republican.

[Tressugar]

He's gay or at best open to it!

 

OP, you may be talking about my ex bf here. You just described him to a 'T'.

 

My ex went on to describing what it feels like wearing women's clothing and parading around gay areas because he needed "all votes" before coming into office.

 

I unashamedly outted him in public and he lost all of his "votes".

 

I'm not a child, I didn't come here to play games.

 

Save yourself and find someone else.

Edited March 16, 2017 by Tressugar