flirting / courtting game - pointers

[palmsand]

The girl I was seeing until last week said I never flirted with her at one point. I thought I most definitely had. Maybe she has a different interpretation than most, but I'm sure I could use some help in this area.

 

 

I just read a guide for women about 10 signs a guy is flirting/likes you, etc.

 

Everything they list makes sense, and it's all things I did with the girl I was seeing. Not sure how she could think otherwise?

 

 

The other thing I notice is that several of the behaviors listed are things that show anxiety/nervousness. I thought the whole point was to be cool and confident?

 

 

Like they mention fidgeting around a lot. How does that not show insecurity and anxiety? Since when is that ok?

 

 

On another topic, I'm wondering about the roles that we each played while we were seeing each other.

 

She was pursuing me in the beginning, very eager to see me, making plans, etc. This made me feel sort of powerless and dominated. Though I really wanted to see her and agreed, it just didn't feel right.

 

Later on things shifted to where I was the one making plans and asking her out. This seems like the more natural role but some have said it makes me look desperate or needy? If I want to see her why can't I ask to see her?

 

I guess I'm wondering about the balance between the roles we each play. It seemed to go from one extreme to the other with this last girl. I don't want to make the same mistakes again.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Can you give examples of what you consider flirting, since you said you'd like pointers?

 

You may well have been flirting but your and her styles are different. At the same time, beware of where you get your info from. You said whatever source you read said being nervous was a sign of flirting...that's odd. I see that as a sign of nervousness and that's it. It could be nervousness from liking a girl, or it could be for some entirely different reason. How would I, the recipient of the nervousness, know? Instead of communicating "flirting" you might be communicating, "I'm sort of a loose cannon and not entirely in control." That's not flirtatiousness, that's scary.

 

OTOH, a LITTLE nervousness, with a little laugh AND something flirtatious being said, would be quite another thing, which is why it would be great if you could give examples. I LOVE soft shyness in a guy and I love a little bit of a stumble along with "Sorry, I admit being with you has me a bit off-guard" with a deep look or whatever. I eat that you-know-what up, I'm easily led. That's just me...a guy JUST stuttering and fidgeting near me, with his eyes shifting all over the place, would just freak me the heck out, TBH.