love him or leave him?

[chancecookie]

I'm just out of a 6 year, live-in, on and off again disaster of a relationship. It wasn't even a real relationship for the last year - just a friendly one. It's been almost six months (dependeing on what you count as being apart) and I think I'm over the hump as far as getting over it.

 

 

I've been dating the same guy for about 2 mos. We haven't had 'the conversation' yet and I'm pretty sure it's because I've said in the past that I didn't want a serious relationship (because of the last one). Unfortunately, now I have serious feelings for him. I've tried to tell him how I feel without using a certain three words but I get mixed signals. I get so hurt sometimes that I just want quit all together. At the same time, I really can't get enough of him.

 

 

Is it reasonable to change your mind about what you want? It doesn't seem fair to ask him to be a 'boyfriend' when that wasn't on the agenda before. I have no idea what he wants.

[Mz. Pixie]

Of course it's okay to want to change your mind.

 

I'd say something like, I know this is what we agreed on, but I really like you and I'd like to see you exclusively. What are you thoughts on that?

[Illusion24]

He's not going to respond to you unless you tell him how you feel. You may be surprised that he feels the same but you're just giving him mixed signals to. Don't live wondering "what if"...what's the worst that can happen, he says no I just want to be friends??

 

If that's the case then you're able to move on to the next person that you're attracted to. But don't be afraid, you've got nothing to lose and much to gain.

[RecordProducer]

Wait for the guys' answers!

 

My BF and I are madly in love with each other and are planning our future together. We are in a LDR, but it took him a couple of months to agree on exclusivity although I insisted on it from the first day we slept together. I didn't like the idea that he could date and sleep with other women while chatting online with me every day. It didn't fit my picture of fidelity. However, he didn't date other women and finally when I got really mad, he agreed on exclusivity. I don't know for how long I would have waited hadn't I demanded it from him, but only ONE THING is important here: his feelings for you.

My BF has been totally loving and dedicated to me and has shown it in every way since the very first day. So the exclusivity agreement and the three words were just a matter of time and something that was going to come anyway. But I am very jealous by nature and love security, not games so I initiated the whole "procedure".

If you feel that he is crazy about you, if you spend every spare moment together, if he showers you with kisses and hugs, tells you that you're wonderful, and if you feel like you're the center of his universe then he loves you. Then you can tell him that you love him too and initiate the conversation.

[chancecookie]

Well, I started to break the ice and it did not go well. There were a couple of things I needed to get off my chest. I did get some great "quiet time" out of it though. He didn't have much to say.

 

 

He said he would call today and even if he does - I'm going to break it off with him. Heck, I'll call him. I am quite sure now (without going into gory details) he doesn't have the same feelings for me and I'm ok with that.

 

 

I was really just feeling bad about changing my mind. He really hasn't done anything wrong but that doesn't make my relationship with him right. I've tortured myself enough in this lifetime.

 

 

I just need to keep it civil because I've known him for a while and we were set up by a mutual friend. It shouldn't be hard because I don't really have anything bad to say.