33m and 31f - flaked and later asked me out? what?

[Aquaman83]

So long story made short -

 

Old client of mine with a previous company. A girl from there ( the office manager ) - i always thought was cute.

 

I left my old job and fast forwarded 9 months. We swipped up on Tinder - and saw that I worked for her IT Company (formerly) and I saw she was an old favorite client of mine.

 

We talked about meeting up the next day. That day rolls around 3 hours before the date - she cancels saying she thought she could get everything done and hate to do this but needs to reschedule our date.

 

I Responded saying its fine and how about saturday no response.

The next day is monday and around noon - she talked to two guys that i did a lot of work and brought me up and shot me a text. I didn't bring up meeting up... just talked back and forth and then it died down a couple hours later.

 

Later in week I said hey how about friday we grab coffee (she had half day) no response.

 

So I basically let it be, I know the beginning of last week she was getting eye surgery. So I didn't reach out until sunday this week. We talked back and forth.

 

Monday rolls around and I asked her out and no response.

So tuesday night rolls around - and i responded. I take that you are not interested? - no response.

 

So I took that as a yes, and took her out of my phone.

2 days later, she said " God I am t he worst! You've probably written me off by now but i would like to get coffee if you still want to"

 

I responded later " I know you had a lot going on.You were straight forward about that. -I'm patient, I just assumed you weren't interested. I'm game to meet up when are you free?

 

She suggest friday or saturday. I said Friday (thinking to myself if i let it go to saturay she might flake - lets meet up and see asap)

 

So we are meeting up tonight....

 

 

I noticed last week she closed down her OkCupid Profile. Then the same day she reached out it reopened again.

 

I am assuming she met someone that she liked or was interested - and whatever it didn't pan out and she reached back out to me.

 

We are meeting at a coffee place after work (she doesn't drink) - low commitment date.

 

Its right by both our apartments.

 

What is all your thoughts on this?

Why she wants to meet up now?

 

My buddy told me to tell her "Hey whatever happened its cool. Its none of my business and not going to ask. But, I am looking to find someone to eventually settle down with the right person" and see what she says...

 

Because, if we do meet up; I know she is going to start off apologizing about it. (or well any normal good person would)

 

I just don't know what to say to that....

I Just want to make sure I say something like i understand, i dont want to play games with these dating games.

[smackie9]

Wow why are you and your friend are being such debbie downers assuming the worst.

 

Relax and just enjoy the date, and make the conversation light and up beat. Being positive is key.

 

If you go in and passive/aggressively start saying "none of my business blah blah blah....makes you look like yer butt hurt and she is going to sense that.

 

Don't punish someone you are not even out on a first date yet....let it go.

[kidm]

My buddy told me to tell her "Hey whatever happened its cool. Its none of my business and not going to ask. But, I am looking to find someone to eventually settle down with the right person" and see what she says...

Bad bad advice. Do not say that. Meet her and see how it goes and go from there.

[bluefeather]

maybe she was trying with someone else and it didn't work out. just a guess though. see what happens if she ends up meeting you and let us know.

[dumbass2]

"My buddy told me to tell her "Hey whatever happened its cool. Its none of my business and not going to ask. But, I am looking to find someone to eventually settle down with the right person" and see what she says"

 

 

Don't bring up what has happened and don't respond with it's all cool because it wasn't. You had to ask her at least 3 times for the re-schedule. That was two more than I would have done. She'll throw excuses at you, but if she was truly interested she would have offered the re-schedule. IMO she was talking with or went out with someone else that didn't work out. You have the date so just go and chil out and don't talk relationship stuff and what you're looking for. Just talk to get to know her first. People can ruin early dates by getting into past relationships and what they want. Can't two people that are attracted to each other just go out and have a good time and see where it goes and then bring that kind of stuff up a little later on?

 

"Because, if we do meet up; I know she is going to start off apologizing about it. (or well any normal good person would)"

 

Do not have expectations. Do not plan ahead and what may or may not happen. Things rarely go as planned. She may apologize, she may not. If she does, then just accept it and quickly move forward with getting to know her. If you want to think about what kinds of things you want to know about her (hobbies, interest etc..) then fine. You should come of as natural and not forced. She will tell if it's forced.

[kendahke]

If you say to her what your boy said to say, if I was her, I'd run out of the restaurant. Going by the timeline you laid out, you really don't know her or anything about her to be saying that mess to her. She's just some chick you used to work with and have the hots for. That's it... that's nowhere near having the foundation for this immature temper tantrum your boy is saying to throw in front of her.

 

At this point in time, there is no reason for you to even be talking anything remotely like settling down--you barely know her. You're using that settle down rhetoric as a means to machine an outcome (read: manipulate).

 

All you need to say to her when you see her (because obviously, you're interested or else you wouldn't be scheduling subsequent dates with her) is "it's ok", and move on to another topic. If it's not ok, then don't show up; and delete her from your cell phone and keep her off there.

 

But don't engage in passive aggressive BS as a means to punish her for not having made room in her life for someone she barely knows or owes anything to.

[hippychick3]

Given she didn't even respond to your texts, I would keep expectations low. There was no good reason to just flat out IGNORE you. That is just plain rude.

 

However, you really don't know each other at this point. So, I would just act casual and relaxed. Allow her to apologize and then enjoy the date and see what happens.