I just don't understand online dating?

[CoffeeChick]

Online dating recently has really brought my self esteem down. Sometimes I'm so confused by how things are meant to go that I'm wondering if I perhaps just don't understand the concept. I've been chatting to a guy recently who I connected with fairly well but then there's hours where he doesn't read my messages or reply, but I see he's active on the dating site. Does that mean he's not as interested in our conversation, or just has a one track mind? I know this is where some people would say he can do what he wants, we're just chatting, but it makes it much more difficult for me to gauge how interested he is. Plus there's other guys where our chats just go completely dead.

 

In real life, you couldn't just walk away from a person for 3-4 hours after they were talking to you, and then come back when you feel like replying. But somehow this rude etiquette applies online. I'm not perfect at instant replies but I'm better than leaving it for hours or days.

 

Does anyone else find it really difficult to tell how interested someone is online?

[coolheadal]

OKC I use that service and find a lot of women that do what you say. If they LIKE you and you LIKE them back then. The pouch line would have to make them answer you back. But in your case the person was interested then left you hanging. This happens not much you can do. Way to many options out there. I rather bring the texting to the real world and talk on the cell phone for real. 3 to 4 hrs of texting might put off a lot of people. If this has happen to you need to move on and find someone else. This guy is not worst your time he is wasting it. Online dating world is not like what happens in the real world but then again way to many shy people or people who can't talk to strangers. Make the online world work for you in dating. Know what you want, make a list and stick to it. Try not to work to hard at it. If you find someone make sure they're the one you want to chat with. You can tell if they're interested or not in you.

[JewelD]

I don't particularly like OLD so I stopped using it. But yeah, what you're describing is pretty common.

 

A good piece of advice is to set up a date asap. If you talk for too long, either the convo will get boring and one person will move on or you'll be stuck in an elationship, where you spend a significant amount of time talking to the person but never actually meet them.

[grays]

I've done a ton of online dating and one thing I'd say is that you really can't take it personally. You never know what's going on with them. They might be sitting at a stop light checking messages and not able to respond. They might just be very busy but able to peek so it shows they've been on.

 

Also, if you don't like getting to know someone thru texting, you can always say "let's meet for coffee or a drink." I've had some online things where there was no texting chemistry at all and after a few back and forths, if I feel like it's the texting that's the problem and not just that we're not going to dig each other, I'll suggest we meet. And if the texting is great I wanna meet them right away anyway bc I just don't wanna waste a lot of time or fall forsome who it turns out I have no chemistry with IRL.

[coolheadal]

Hey but you need to know who they are by voice calls. I would not go and just meet someone for coffee or tea just after texting them!

[somecamel]

I think some of the sites don't show people as offline whilst the apps still open on their phones.

 

I wouldn't read too much into it.

 

If you like this guy, stop checking the dating sites; He can also see that you've been online..

[Gr8fuln2020]

I think some of the sites don't show people as offline whilst the apps still open on their phones.

 

I wouldn't read too much into it.

 

If you like this guy, stop checking the dating sites; He can also see that you've been online..

 

True with apps. I stay away from apps b/c that last thing I want potential dates to think is that I am on constantly. Doesn't look good. :-)

 

I wouldn't read too much into it either. It's the nature of OLD. Until I have a date in place, I do not stop searching online. It's, unfortunately, not a wise move to make. If I see that the person I am interested in is online, I communicate, if not really interested, it's b/c I found someone better or simply not interested.

 

I've done the 4-5 messages thing and asked for a date. It usually doesn't work. As others have said, there is a lot of eye candy online and most people are hoping for the sweeter, prettier one to contact them. Take it for what it is....a visual/cyber a la carte of potential partners...often times never even getting to have even a nibble of what's there. OLD has become a fantasy drug...it makes us feel oh so good so briefly, but you eventually crash hard when you can't have what you crave.

 

I had a woman recently make contact with me after an absence of 2 or so weeks. We had communicated heavily at first and then, suddenly, nothing. She came back apologizing for disappearing. I never responded to her. She was online every night during the absence...it didn't work out with the guy who she thought was better...she lost or never had a chance with that guy AND me in one fell swoop. Oh, well....I'm actually happy how it ended. After some thought, I realize that she wasn't what I truly wanted.

[SwordofFlame]

Try to meet as soon as possible. If they don't want to meet or make excuses, move on.

[Gaeta]

Online dating is not to chat 3-4 hours, it's meant to make contact with someone and then after a few messages if you find each other interesting enough you set up a face to face meeting.

 

If you have to ask yourself 'is this man interested in me' than he is not. A man that is really interested in meeting you won't ignore your messages, he will reply to your messages promptly and he will ask to meet soon. Don't waste your time with men that makes you wonder.

[Arkisha Green]

Hi Coffeechick, you must first understand how online dating works and how you can express yourself better. That's okay keep trying and keep learning don' let the feeling of rejection eat you up. You are desirable in your own way so eventually you would find your match.