DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 (edited) Is it really that unfavorable of a trait? Or is it because people would rather date? Is it because it's easier to hate, or rather, the inability to actually relate. This space we create, and in hopes to exacerbate a mistake, Becomes a tricky escape from a situation we felt needed to probate. And so we don't wait, but instead procrastinate and debate, Allowing our fate to be decided by options we tend to curate, An insatiable mate we often seek out to procreate, Yet we tempt fate by discarding connection, even if it came late, We try to communicate, but fail, as we'd rather concentrate, On new people to evaluate while we compare and differentiate. Soon, our connection never culminates, as our love just coagulates, Messages to new mates soon proliferate, including things that incriminate, Soon someone becomes irate and the new connection culminates, Leaving one person to shake with misery and ruminate. Question: I personally LIKE clingy women. (others may prefer men? I don't know..) I'm different though. I would rather text/call my lover 100 times throughout the day, than text/call 50 people with 2 messages a day. We all know that clinginess is a turn off for some, yet we often read stories of people starting emotional and physical connections - one of the signs being how often they communicate! 1000's of messages...yet they didn't complain THEN! Only after the attraction fades does it seem to become a nuisance then. I mean, if you began the connection with messages galore, but after a few months it seems like that communication died down, do you think they just magically stopped talking that much to other people? Probably not. Just looking for the bigger, better deal. Thoughts? Edited September 28, 2016 by DrReplyInRhymes ****, i used culminate twice. oops. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Fading attraction may be part, but for me clinginess leads to fading attraction usually. It's all in how the communication goes. It's one thing to ask me what I am up to, I say I have a game, and get a text 3-4 hours later asking how it went. It's a burden to have my phone going off in my bag 40 times while she knows I am at a game. When it is a turn off is when it violates personal time or space I think most people need. Let's face it, in the movies love is all that is needed and "if we have each other we have everything", but in real life there are things like work, paying bills, being able to afford to eat that need to come before that at times...things that we need to at times focus all of our energy on for periods of time. When someone expects you to communicate with her when you need to get work done or suffer consequences putting them first before all other obligations at all times becomes a fierce burden that can quickly dissolve attraction. I have a friend who dated a woman a couple of times and she was ready to be married. He liked her ok but when she was basically trying to force him to drop everything and replace her ex-husband, he was not interested in being in a relationship where he was suddenly married with all of the burden of that and give up all his time and personal life to be "married" to someone he basically just met. I is a total turn off to have clingers right off the bat want you to up and change your life that you might enjoy to one that revolves around them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Fading attraction may be part, but for me clinginess leads to fading attraction usually. It's all in how the communication goes. It's one thing to ask me what I am up to, I say I have a game, and get a text 3-4 hours later asking how it went. It's a burden to have my phone going off in my bag 40 times while she knows I am at a game. When it is a turn off is when it violates personal time or space I think most people need. Let's face it, in the movies love is all that is needed and "if we have each other we have everything", but in real life there are things like work, paying bills, being able to afford to eat that need to come before that at times...things that we need to at times focus all of our energy on for periods of time. When someone expects you to communicate with her when you need to get work done or suffer consequences putting them first before all other obligations at all times becomes a fierce burden that can quickly dissolve attraction. 100% agree! Been there - done that and escaped from the guy thankfully - but not before a few grey hairs appeared! Luckily, the grey grew further in at my usual colour again. It's exhausting, obligating, a total turn off. OP, find someone who is as clingy as you - then you shouldn't have a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Whatever floats your boat Nothing is wrong if it doesn't harm anyone. But clingy people in combination with people who need a lot of space - an emotional suicide. I'm quite clingy myself, but learn to keep it under control, since it's considered unacceptable nowadays - everyone must be unavailable and emotionally independent otherwise you'll be called co-dependant and adviced to seek therapy. Personally, messaging and calling often, spending loads of time together and being very attached to each other would make me very happy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 If the clingy person's partner isn't equally clingy, they will probably feel smothered. That will cause them to seek distance, so the clingy person will respond by latching on even more, driving their partner even further away until they break up to regain their freedom. So, too much clinginess isn't healthy for the vast majority of relationships, because most healthy people wish to retain some individuality, independence, and time alone, even in the best relationships. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Personally, messaging and calling often, spending loads of time together and being very attached to each other would make me very happy. Which is OKAY Lorenza, you just need to be with a man who feels the SAME as you about that. From reading your threads, it seems the men you become attracted to and become involved with are men who require quite a bit of space. That is why your RLs don't ultimately work, you prefer lots of contact and togetherness, but your boyfriends don't. They prefer more space, so you are incompatible in that regard. No wrong or right here IMO. What is important is that two people are on the same page re their space needs, what's comfortable for them, and makes them both happy, both individually and as a couple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 I like clingy women too. It's nice to feel needed and wanted often. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 i think people who talk about other being clingy are not in love, or has never tried it, or are scared of making themselves vulnerable so they turn it around:cool: i hope its in our nature to spend as many seconds together with the people we love as possible, but in todays society (minus aborigineees and the ones living in the rainforest--and hopefully others:)) we learn to focus on carreer and such things that divides people and makes it impossible to spend our time with the people we love, from young to old, the children gets put somewhere else when mommy is working, the old people are no longer of use and gets put somewhere else and in between lovers have no time for seeing each other:( hope im just a pessimist today and that a lot of people out there actually get to enjoy each other "a lot":love: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 I think it's mostly down to oxy again -ppl who are high will think all the clingy attention's adorable, ppl who aren't (or who come down before the other one does) won't. And of course ppl who are high will get feel-good fixes by being what they see as attentive and nurturing, and ppl who aren't will see it as being clingy or smothering. I've seen both polar opposites in the same ppl in shockingly short periods of time, from "I LURV it when you text me silly meaningless emojis!!" to "What do you want?" Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 (edited) 1 reason it gets mentally and physically draining after a certain amount of time to deal with someone who needs even more attention then you need for yourself and it can become something that you just can't keep up with. Edited September 28, 2016 by Omei 5 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Clingy can be a sign of codependency. That's the down side of clinginess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bialy Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 I like clingy women too. It's nice to feel needed and wanted often. I like "clingy" men for that reason. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 We all know that clinginess is a turn off for some, yet we often read stories of people starting emotional and physical connections - one of the signs being how often they communicate! 1000's of messages...yet they didn't complain THEN! So tell me, how long would you be able to enjoy and sustain 100 messages a day? A month?, what about after 1 year? would you still enjoy 100 messages a day? Yes at the beginning when all is new and exciting people experience cligniness. Attraction and chemistry is addictive and all that wonderful 'feel good' you're experiencing is never enough but that settles with time. Thank god it does! Only after the attraction fades does it seem to become a nuisance then. I mean, if you began the connection with messages galore, but after a few months it seems like that communication died down, do you think they just magically stopped talking that much to other people? The attraction fades? not at all. It's normal for a relationship to settle after a while like I explained above. There are still attraction and chemistry but it has transformed into a mutual feeling of trust. There is nothing more satisfying than to be in the middle of your day, to not hear from your SO, but to know deep down he is thinking of you every minute of the day. In my view that feeling is much more rewarding than 100 text a day. After a few months technically you are suppose to see each other much more. If you see each other 4-5 times a week, overnight and all, you won't feel the need to get 100 texts a day. And finally, what is this philosophy that I hear on here that because I speak to other people during my day than I should be talking to my BF as much? What's that?? BF and GF aren't the only relationships you have, I hope. All relationships need to be nurtured independently. I text my friend H every morning and we exchange a few words. I text my daughter around lunch. I text also my mom here and there. I don't text my BF at all. I see him every night I don't need to text him. I don't see my daughter and friends every night like my BF so yes, I will text them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Dr Reply in Rhymes> ohhh, where have you been? I like your rhymes. I actually concentrated more on the paragraph below today so I could really get the gist of your question. I just think that for some people, not all, that many messages or constant contact can be smothering. It doesn't let the other person have the time and space to long for you to contact them. Idk, when I have experienced it, it feels like there is a very fine line between good clinginess and desperation--so you run the risk of looking desperate which is not attractive. And the other person may just be picking up on something that exists within you. If you step into the less clingy person's shoes, they want to be liked for who HE/SHE is, not feeling like you are trying to fill the open bf or gf slot and it doesn't matter that much who's applying. It's one thing to be excited by the other person but another to have a "neediness". Of course, if a each person's levels of desired contact are in balance, it can be viewed as fine for both. Just describing how it might feel from the less clingy one. The trick is not how much contact but to be relatively in sync with the amount of contact that is wanted by the other person. Sometimes, not that you are "faking" anything, but it would pay to err on side of a conservative amount until you get a better idea of what that level would be for the other person so that you don't drive them off unnecessarily by not representing yourself accurately--ie only in that one, overriding dimension (how much contact you REQUIRE rather than taking the other person in consideration too and figuring it out). I think with texting, social media, people have a tendency to overdo contact and there are countless threads on here where one side or the other feels dissed because level of contact has gone down from the initial rush of contact. Burning hot at the beginning and then settling in to real life. Some people are just more realistic upfront and keep living their lives until you are a real priority (talking at very beginning). Some people have so many other things going on in the rest of their non-social life (or non-you life) that it's just difficult to keep up or they would rather save it in person and get more from that. These are just a few of the reasons why some people would see that much contact as clingy or a bad thing. I do agree though that if both people were exchanging 1000's of messages and ok with that and now it's down quite a bit, it's deflating and something may be really wrong with the relationship. Looking forward to more rhymes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 So tell me, how long would you be able to enjoy and sustain 100 messages a day? A month?, what about after 1 year? would you still enjoy 100 messages a day? Yes at the beginning when all is new and exciting people experience cligniness. Attraction and chemistry is addictive and all that wonderful 'feel good' you're experiencing is never enough but that settles with time. Thank god it does! But it doesn't for some settle down- you know this I know Geata! I know you post about the ones you like rather than the ones who drive you crazy with too much contact. And finally, what is this philosophy that I hear on here that because I speak to other people during my day than I should be talking to my BF as much? What's that?? Zzackerly!!! Some folk think that any moment of time you are not at work is 'their' time. No allowance for any other kind of a life. One guy told me and this is word for word - he was 42 years old. 'I am not considerate of anything in your life aside from that you work. I have never looked after a house so I do not consider that housework takes any time let alone anything else you think you have to do. You should just be free to text and call after 5pm when you finish work.' I sat open mouthed on non vid skype unable to speak at the time he said that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 I like a lot of togetherness. A LOT. And I've been married for years. We are the "joined at the hip" type, even keeping our kids with us most of the time. Clingy parents have clingy kids Still, I wouldn't want texts all day when I'm at work. That would annoy me. At work, I focus just as passionately on work. It's all a matter of matching up. If it's too much, it's "clingy". If it's desired, it's just right 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 One of the problems with this question is that 'cling' tends to have negative connotations. In itself, it is not necessarily a bad thing if you're with someone who doesn't mind it. I would worry a little if someone NEEDS to be constantly needed....that in itself doesn't necessarily spell a healthy person. When I think of 'clingy' I think of someone who is NOT independent and who tends to smother, overwhelm due to some insecuritiy. I love to be wanted or needed, but from a woman who I have confidence is capable of taking care of things when needed and who is independent enough to make decisions, important decisions, w/o needing frequent hand-holding. "CLINGY" peopel can be exhausting....especially emotionally. Not good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 I love to be wanted or needed, but from a woman who I have confidence is capable of taking care of things when needed and who is independent enough to make decisions, important decisions, w/o needing frequent hand-holding. "CLINGY" peopel can be exhausting....especially emotionally. Not good. Well said. There is a difference between feeling wanted and needed in a fulfilling and healthy way - and cligny-ness. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 But it doesn't for some settle down- you know this I know Geata! and they can be annoying. I'll never forget this couple we went for lunch with a long time ago. We were in a burger place. They were biting in each other's burger at every bite saying 'we share everything'. My ex and I looked at each other in disbelief...and disgust. Zzackerly!!!. I had to pause for a moment to figure out what the heck you meant lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 To me, "clingy" doesn't have to do with physical proximity or amount of time spent together. It's the unhealthy emotional attachment. Like, I need you to help me be ok with myself. No. 1 it's impossible to ever make someone feel happiness and therefore doesn't work well with our reward-driven brains. No. 2 it's hard enough to deal with your own emotions let alone another humans. We can do it sometimes when our partners need us but not full-time. No. 3 we want to be desired not needed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Question: I personally LIKE clingy women. not me...i like my personal/private time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 A certain amount of 'clingyness' is healthy, it's when one persons clingyness becomes too much for the other person and they feel like their losing their personal space. The 100+ texts a day might happen for the first day or two but anything after that would start to become too much for me. I was seeing a girl for around 3 months earlier this year. It got to the stage where she had started to repeat stuff that she'd already told me and I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had. I was getting 50+ messages a day after 2 months together. She came on super strong and it pushed me away. It's balancing that fine line and sometimes I think it pays to stay a little bit mysterious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Which is OKAY Lorenza, you just need to be with a man who feels the SAME as you about that. From reading your threads, it seems the men you become attracted to and become involved with are men who require quite a bit of space. That is why your RLs don't ultimately work, you prefer lots of contact and togetherness, but your boyfriends don't. They prefer more space, so you are incompatible in that regard. No wrong or right here IMO. What is important is that two people are on the same page re their space needs, what's comfortable for them, and makes them both happy, both individually and as a couple. Yes, I realize that now Will make sure to pick a man who wants closeness and togetherness next time. And believe me, I'm not even THAT clingy, I function on my own, but the guys I've been with are VERY independent, to the point of ridiculous P.s. being "clingy" is by definition a negative thing, now when I think about it. It describer someone who is nearly obsessed by their SO. I think what OP means is being affectionate, attached and not in need for too much personal space - aka happy to share it with your SO most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 I want to know that someone is invested in me, but I also want them to have their own life, in so much as there being things unrelated to me they are passionate about and invest time in. I've got a buddy who's dating a clingy girl and it's the worst. She doesn't seem to have any hobbies or things she likes to pursue other than going to her job and then being with him the rest of the time. They've been together for nearly a year, and I've probably seen him without her a handful of times since then, because he's too much of a wimp to just tell her they don't need to spend every free moment with each other. She's also been engaged to basically every serious boyfriend she's had (she's in her mid-30s), so bringing it all together, she's pretty much the epitome of what I think about when I think of codependent/clingy people. Total turn off. Get an f'n life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 And believe me, I'm not even THAT clingy, I function on my own, but the guys I've been with are VERY independent, to the point of ridiculous I hear ya Lorenza. I am sure there have been some men who have said the same thing about ME. As I require lots of "space" too... which to a man who needs lots of togetherness, would think is quite ridiculous. My boyfriends all understood it though, as they were the same as me. There is someone for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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