My boyfriend is too tired to call me?

[MEOrtega]

I've been dating this guy a year almost but he always seems "too tired" to call me. We don't really text during the day we usually say good morning to each and maybe 2 texts in between the whole day and a little more in the evening but not much and then I ask for him to call me but then it's always "I'm tired now." I know someone is going to say that I can call him but he's always at school till late working on his thesis and I don't want to call and disturb him because he doesn't tell me when he's home and I told him that. He has called me so I'm not saying he doesn't but I'm just tired of the excuse that "I'm too tired" when I'm just asking 5 minutes out of his day to hear his voice and see how his day went. Tonight particularly I really wanted to talk to him because I've been stressed but also see how he's doing because I miss him. Then I'm hit with "I'm tired" again. This time I took it personal and felt a hurt because all I was asking for was 5 minutes maybe 2 minutes is that really asking for much?

What really bothers me is he skypes with his friends for hours when he's not doing school work and playing computer games with them like tonight and he can't call me for 5 minutes? Sorry I'm ranting.

It hurts, I see him on the weekends but during the week I sorta miss him and miss him even more because I don't really hear from him.

I get it he's tired and he's doing school work almost all day and night but I would call him if it was the other way around. I don't know maybe I am asking too much

[Sunkissedpatio]

It sounds like you are not a priority to him if he can spend all that time skyping with friends and have 0 time to call you.

 

On the other hand if he is busy with working on a thesis and he is pulling long hours at school the pressure to call him even for 5 minutes just adds to the list of demands he is trying to meet during his day and it doesn't feel like fun or a distraction it just feels like more "homework"

 

Disappear and get busy. Don't contact him don't ask him where he was or what he was up to and let him come to you pressure free, if he comes around and wants to know why you haven't been in touch - you've been busy, you've been out, you've been______whatever you've been up to. Leave the ball in his court. If he is making no effort at all after that, might be time to look for a new boyfriend.

 

I hope you are at least seeing him on weekends.

[dumbass2]

I disagree with the above post.

 

That is playing the passive aggressive game. Myself personally, stopped dealing with that type of game playing a long time ago. Why not let him know that it bothers you? there's nothing wrong with having a need and communicating it. That's not be "needy" in the "needy" sense that is often talked about on this forum. We all have needs and the more a need bothers us and we don't let it be known, then the more resentment builds and effects the relationship. Once you let it be known, then you can take the other route if you want and see how he responds. At least then you know that you

"communicated" it to him and he did nothing about it then you can at least say you tried. Acting in a passive aggressive way is not trying when in a relationship.

[Satu]

"How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath

To say to me that thou art out of breath?"

- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

[Gaeta]

When he calls you, do you really only speak for 5 minutes or it always turn into a 2-3 hour conversation? Maybe he is tired for real but he knows 5 minutes is never 5 minutes with you and he is not up to speaking on the phone all night.

[Arieswoman]

MEOrtega,

His excuses are a load of horse manure and I think you know it.

 

He has time to skype his pals for hours but only to 'phone you for 5 mins? Sorry sweetie but he isn't that into you.

 

And he spends hours playing computer games? How old is he ffs?

 

"Never make someone a priority when you are only their option"

 

^^^

 

This is good advice.

[hippychick3]

I disagree with the above post.

 

That is playing the passive aggressive game. Myself personally, stopped dealing with that type of game playing a long time ago. Why not let him know that it bothers you? there's nothing wrong with having a need and communicating it. That's not be "needy" in the "needy" sense that is often talked about on this forum. We all have needs and the more a need bothers us and we don't let it be known, then the more resentment builds and effects the relationship. Once you let it be known, then you can take the other route if you want and see how he responds. At least then you know that you

"communicated" it to him and he did nothing about it then you can at least say you tried. Acting in a passive aggressive way is not trying when in a relationship.

 

Living her life, keeping busy, not chasing after him, not nagging him.... these are not passive aggressive games. These are actions that every women should engage in. This is actually what makes a woman more attractive to a man. OP already tried talking to him about her "needs." That didn't work. So now she needs to try a different approach. I am pretty sure he'd react more favorably to the OP as a result regardless of whether or not he should remain her boyfriend.

[Lorenza]

Ugh, this is too familiar.

 

My ex was also too tired to call. Then he became too tired to meet and at the end - too tired to have me in his life at all.

 

If wanting to talk to after a busy day isn't something that comes natural to him, then you can't force it. But then you have to question why it doesn't come natural to him - is his feelings not as stong? Does he not prioritize you?

 

IMO this is not a good sign.

Edited September 28, 2016 by Lorenza

[smackie9]

You don't fit into his lifestyle or he doesn't fulfill your expectations.......and from what I see you are just a pit stop on the weekends. Find a new BF.

[Zahara]

I don't know maybe I am asking too much

 

Asking to communicate with your partner isn't asking for too much. It's a basic want and desire.

 

The fact that he makes an effort to contact his friends and have lengthy chats with them is indicative that he doesn't desire that with you, and that would mean you aren't a priority in his life.

 

Don't start minimizing your wants and needs because you're afraid to rock the boat. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and if things don't change, time to find a new BF.

[Gaeta]

Lets save our time and breath.

 

In all of her history she never visits back her threads.

[Zahara]

Lets save our time and breath.

 

In all of her history she never visits back her threads.

 

True! Five threads and five posts

[preraph]

What Gaeta said is exactly what I was thinking. I am "too tired" to talk after work too if I know it's going to suck up the rest of my evening. I have two friends who don't call often, but when they do, I know it's goodbye two hours out of my day.

 

Doing the calling every day can be too much if the person is short on time or if you are simply hard to get off the phone. I would recommend in this instance just to stop calling him or texting him and see if he doesn't step up a bit more knowing he can control it some and not get on a runaway train.

 

Also, it depends what one's job is. If someone is on the phone a lot at work, that's the last thing they want to do after work.

[kendahke]

Re-read this:

I ask for him to call me but then it's always "I'm tired now." I know someone is going to say that I can call him but he's always at school till late working on his thesis and I don't want to call and disturb him because he doesn't tell me when he's home and I told him that.

 

If he doesn't tell you that he's home, that means he doesn't want to talk with you when he's home. He knows you want him to do a better job of staying in touch, but he's not doing anything about it.

 

I think you need to sit down and give a really long, hard think to this and ask yourself why you stick around with someone who knows what you want but refuses to at least compromise.