Dating a friend

[Penguin_hugs]

Hi there

 

So I'm currently at that point where I am starting a new life for myself. If you've read any of my other threads you'll know I found myself suddenly single at Christmas and had to decide what I was going to do for me.

 

I've just qualified as a pharmacist now and moved to a brand new area to work- but I'm not exactly finding it as intellectually stimulating as I'd like. It's touristy and I don't really fit in. I can't find any groups to join if you are under 30 at all. So I decided to try OLD to meet people.

 

So far not going well. Date 1 the guy turned a bit stalkerish. Date 2 he was a typical local round here- nice, but not much going on up top and I could find myself getting bored with him as our intellect was sooooo different. Date 3 was ok- but not vaguely attracted to the guy. Every one I have messaged first haven't replied- most likely due to distance.

 

So I was talking about this to my guy friend- who has also been on OLD for ages. We kind of realised that what we are both looking for someone like each other and can have the same kind of conversations that we usually have when we go out for dinner. So we just agreed in a trial date on Saturday to see if it is weird or not- if it is, then no harm done- we'll have had a good evening out like usual. He also doesn't exactly live nearby now. We were good friends at uni and even lived together for a year.

 

I'm feeling excited and nervous at the same time. We both know that it's just seeing what happens. But does anyone have any experience of this situation? What happened? Was it weird afterwards? We're determined for it not to be weird if it doesn't work. I mean, we aren't telling any of our friends about the date.

[bummer]

From anecdotal experience, I think it's a bad idea if you have a large mutual friend group you both are regularly involved with.

 

enjoy the trial date and maybe use it to give each other tips? I wouldnt keep "dating" unless you admit clearly there is chemistry.

[smackie9]

See how it goes? Have you ever had romantic thoughts about him at all? If not nothing is going to change.

 

I tried dating the friend thing maybe 6 or so times....never worked out.....I couldn't see myself in a relationship with any of them.....that's why we were friends in the first place.

[Penguin_hugs]

Thanks for your responses.

 

We are part of a group of about 6 uni friends- I wasn't on the same course as them- but we used to go out for meals, cinema, bbqs etc at uni. That only happens a few times a year now as we live further apart now we've all graduated and have jobs in our fields etc.

 

I think there is a bit of a spark- last time we met up a few weeks ago (he met me in London for dinner as I had a training day there) things felt a little more date like. And we wandered through a park afterwards and up to Buckingham Palace and I did keep wondering what it would be like to hold his hand while we were doing that. He messaged me about something earlier in the week and mentioned how good I looked in this dress when we went to this club- and that was 4 years ago and he remembered it!

 

I don't think anything happened before because he was a bit hung up on a friend of mine- they never dated but he liked her for a while- she had a boyfriend at first, and then as soon as that was over she started dating the best friend of the guy I'm going on a date with Saturday... and it just didn't really work out well between them all. Probably took him a good year to realise it really wasn't worth all the hassle and he was better off without. And then I was with someone for a few years too.

 

Plus there is a bit of an age gap. He's 7 years older than me- he went to Uni later in life. And I think when I was 18/19 and last single- I couldn't have dealt with that. Whereas now I'm a lot more mature about that kind of thing, and my ex was 5 years older than me. Kind of realised that I need to date older guys because of maturity levels!

 

As a good thing- I'm actually getting butterflies and feeling excited about the date on Saturday! I haven't felt like that at all on the 3 OLD dates I've been on recently.

 

But I'm just going to see how it goes- treating it like a trial with no implications if it goes wrong

[Penguin_hugs]

So we went out on Saturday- had a day walking around my new town, had a nice dinner then back to mine, just chatting to begin with. And then we just tried doing a few things like being near each other on the sofa etc, moved on a bit and there was some kissing. Convinced him to lie down next to me on my bed to continue kissing. He was adamant about taking things slow though and it felt very PG. It was me touching his face, his neck etc- and he stopped my hand as it touched his sides. He said he was really content with everything right now and really happy but still left on the last train home.

 

It was fun at the time and I enjoyed things. I was mainly curious as to what kissing him would be like. And his technique was pretty bad... I continued kissing him because I was trying to give him some guidance on what to do. And I had to ask him to do things like touch my back etc. He did tell me I might have to give him some guidance as he was really out of practice.

 

I'm guessing he was like this because he hasn't been in a proper relationship for at least 5 years- I know of one ONS when we were at Uni together- about 3 years ago. I know he has had bad experiences- like being cheated on, girls he's had major crushes on and they didn't feel the same after leading him on. And his last proper GF died in a car accident about 6 years ago.. So I am aware that there are issues and things he has to deal with.

 

So basically what I'm trying to work out now in my head is what is going on and how do I feel. I mean that date was really fun and I enjoyed things- despite the bad kissing... but it's like I've woken up now and seen how difficult this is going to be to work... I've recently moved even further away, and now it's around a 3 hour train journey each way... driving isn't even any quicker and fuel is more expensive. I hadn't realised how far away we were. And my work rota is so messed up at the moment. I'm working a lot of weekends and can only plan 3 weeks ahead due to my rota. I don't seem to have any consecutive days off and he works a standard 9-5 Mon-Fri.

 

I think I'm just looking for something fun and to see where things go, but I think he's more of a serious person with relationships. I came out of a LTR at Christmas that ended up long distance by the end. And I don't know if I'm ready for all of that again.

 

I'm going to visit him next Thursday when I have a day off and he has a week of annual leave. He's planning things to do for the day and seems really excited. I think I just need to have a conversation with him on the day to see where things are. I don't want to hurt him if he's already thinking ahead with this and I'm just trying to have fun with dating again.

 

All this has made me think about my ex BF this week :/ which has made me annoyed at myself too.

 

I don't really know what I'm asking- I just had to get my thoughts out- it's tough moving to a new area. I don't have any friends here yet. I'm trying to be friendly with all the people I meet at work- but I only work in a store for a day or so each week and move on somewhere else. This area has no meet up groups for the under 50s and pretty much an aging population anyway. I've just moved here to get my foot on the employment ladder with my company and I don't intend to be here forever.