Always getting dumped, why?

[mortensorchid]

I have heard a lot from guys (those I have known and those I have heard about online) who lament the fact that women always dump them. From what I understand women out there do the majority of the dumping. Am I the only one who doesn't understand this? Because I am here to tell you that I have never ONCE in my LIFETIME been the one to end things with a man. They all have some reason or excuse as to how/why they don't want to be with me, some have treated me very badly in the process, and then they bounce to the next woman and usually end up marrying her.

 

I have dated a lot of guys in my lifetime from all walks of life : white collar, educated men, blue collar, working class, men in the arts, rich men, poor men, etc. And I have determined from this that men want someone who is lesser than they are - someone who is less attractive, less intelligent, less opinionated, has less charisma, etc. Am I perfect? No, but I think I have more to offer than most. Recently I have overheard others say things about me - One said after someone dumped me a few years ago "Wow, he really missed out." Another said to someone about me which was repeated back "Oh you want to be with her, she's a catch."

 

Has any other woman reading this ever experienced this? I'm tired of being the only one who feels this way.

[kolleamm]

I'd say men do the most break ups, and women do the most rejections.

[Ami1uwant]

I have heard a lot from guys (those I have known and those I have heard about online) who lament the fact that women always dump them. From what I understand women out there do the majority of the dumping. Am I the only one who doesn't understand this? Because I am here to tell you that I have never ONCE in my LIFETIME been the one to end things with a man. They all have some reason or excuse as to how/why they don't want to be with me, some have treated me very badly in the process, and then they bounce to the next woman and usually end up marrying her.

 

I have dated a lot of guys in my lifetime from all walks of life : white collar, educated men, blue collar, working class, men in the arts, rich men, poor men, etc. And I have determined from this that men want someone who is lesser than they are - someone who is less attractive, less intelligent, less opinionated, has less charisma, etc. Am I perfect? No, but I think I have more to offer than most. Recently I have overheard others say things about me - One said after someone dumped me a few years ago "Wow, he really missed out." Another said to someone about me which was repeated back "Oh you want to be with her, she's a catch."

 

Has any other woman reading this ever experienced this? I'm tired of being the only one who feels this way.

 

Men are not the way you are describing.

 

If the guys are ending it with you, there likely is something with you that's turning them off.

 

Yes, there are some guys, these are usually less educated blue collar workers who may be turned off by women who are more financially successful or feel they don't need a man to take care of them.

 

Educated men generally don't have sn issue if a woman names more than them because money has a lot yo fo with what your career is in.

 

On the flip side there are women who fel they will only date men who are on a roughly equal level in income to what they earn.

 

As a guy I look for someone who is more equal to me in terms of career IR intelligence.

[basil67]

You say that you think you've got more to offer than most. For you to think this, you must do a lot of looking down on other people. This could well create problems for you.

 

Anyway, you get lots of dates and boyfriends so you obviously present well. It's when they get to know that it all falls down. Perhaps learning some humility would help?

[morrowrd]

I'd say men do the most break ups, and women do the most rejections.

 

In my history of dating, this is very true. I would date someone, follow a system of "two out of three ain't bad" and usually within a two week period to three months most, I would toy around this that one part I either didn't like or was just uncomfortable with - and wait and see if I got used to it. Nobody's perfect, so this was my way of handling the getting to know someone part of dating. What usually happened was that part I didn't like would affect what I've nicknamed as my "barometer" - a feeling in my gut that would either diminish, or increase to the point where I had to get out of the relationship. I would keep boundaries in place to where I would not meet any children, family, or friends until I was sure the relationship had durability, that we would be seeing each other for "awhile." What definitely happened most of the time where I had a rising barometer, would be to end things......fast. I'd sit down with them and say something like, "it's really not working out, I'd prefer us to remain friends" - and then end all communication. If she wanted to talk more, depending on the situation and person, I'd talk to a point, but ending things became a pattern that each time became easier and easier to be firm, and permanent, sometimes cold if she didn't accept my request and explanation.

 

Then there's the other part. Women I liked who didn't reciprocate, or sometimes did but then changed their minds. One comes to mind, she told me after an hour of chit chat that she definitely wanted to see me again, I was excited because she was hot, smart, bubbly, very feminine, and seemed to have a personality I would have loved to explore. After the date, she drove home in a snowstorm....normally I don't text after a date, I let the girl do that and if I get texts, she's interested. This one I assumed was, so when I didn't get a text later on that night, I texted her to see if she got home safe. The roads were bad, interstates had been closed down, so I really wanted to know if things were ok...... but no response. I asked a few hours later, same question, and nothing. Then maybe in the afternoon, I texted, "would you like me to leave you alone?" Two seconds later, a text replying "yes please do" - man, did that sting. I never contacted her again but those mixed messages women send men, oh and we men and our ability to misinterpret messages, clash sometimes. (actually alot of the time).

 

So that was one story of many about rejection. And one of many where I ended things.... so true, men end things, women reject. At least in my experience.

[elaine567]

I have dated a lot of guys in my lifetime from all walks of life : white collar, educated men, blue collar, working class, men in the arts, rich men, poor men, etc. And I have determined from this that men want someone who is lesser than they are - someone who is less attractive, less intelligent, less opinionated, has less charisma, etc. Am I perfect? No, but I think I have more to offer than most. .

 

I tend to agree, many men are very happy to date smart, attractive, successful, richer women, only with the additional requirement that she is not smarter, more attractive, more successful or richer than they are. Some men can cope with the dynamic of the "better" wife, but they are often guys who have somehow "opted out".

There is also the more sinister type who can attract "better" women but who make themselves feel good, by then tearing her down.

 

My guess is that you are attracted to confident men who probably like to take charge, who see themselves as the leader in the relationship and that is all fine as long as you appear "lesser", but once it sinks in that you are probably "better" then them, or you have more potential than they do, then they cannot cope, so dump you.

[Shining One]

I had a friend whose experience matches yours. She presented well and got lots of dates, but the relationships never lasted and she always got dumped. She had an enormous sense of entitlement and she felt she deserved the world from men. Unfortunately, what she brought to the table did not match up, so I'm assuming the men got tired of it. It's why I drew the line at FWB and nothing more with her.

[mortensorchid]

Well I supposed everyone here is right, aren't they? I'm just an entitled brat who doesn't care for anyone else except myself. In that case, I'm going to do what I have done which is to keep distance from others, not be very friendly, and realize that I am not one of those people who should be with someone. Because I guess that's what I am being told by others I have met as well as those on thus forum.

 

I'd love to hear what others say about THAT observation.

[CryForNoOne]

I agree with most of the other respondents. Women do most of the initial rejecting but men do most of the dumping. But those gender statistics also don't matter much. The personality of the individual is far more important than their gender. If you are being dumped all the time, some self reflection is in order. Why are the men considering themselves to have better options available or what are you doing to drive them away? Have you ever just asked them?

 

Also I agree that it is mainly blue collar or conservative men who are looking for a woman who is not their equal. Perhaps you are dating only conservative men?

[joseb]

I guess since women are posting and saying it happens, maybe it is a thing, but I just can't imagine even worrying at all that a woman was somehow "better" than me if she had a job that she earned more than me. Why would that be a problem?

[Redguitar35]

I have heard a lot from guys (those I have known and those I have heard about online) who lament the fact that women always dump them. From what I understand women out there do the majority of the dumping. Am I the only one who doesn't understand this? Because I am here to tell you that I have never ONCE in my LIFETIME been the one to end things with a man. They all have some reason or excuse as to how/why they don't want to be with me, some have treated me very badly in the process, and then they bounce to the next woman and usually end up marrying her.

 

I have dated a lot of guys in my lifetime from all walks of life : white collar, educated men, blue collar, working class, men in the arts, rich men, poor men, etc. And I have determined from this that men want someone who is lesser than they are - someone who is less attractive, less intelligent, less opinionated, has less charisma, etc. Am I perfect? No, but I think I have more to offer than most. Recently I have overheard others say things about me - One said after someone dumped me a few years ago "Wow, he really missed out." Another said to someone about me which was repeated back "Oh you want to be with her, she's a catch."

 

Has any other woman reading this ever experienced this? I'm tired of being the only one who feels this way.

 

1. Do you nag? If so, be more positive.

2. Are you a workaholic who never has time to hang out?

3. Do you not have your sh*t together (I.e., no job, no money, unfinished degrees, etc.)?

4. How often do you have sex with your man once you're in a relationship? If it's less than twice a week, or if you withhold sex until months into the relationship, it's a big problem.

 

These are some of the behaviors I find offputting. Any one of these would be a deal-breaker for most guys. So ask yourself if you're doing any of these things. And if so, you might want to...you know...stop it.

[phineas]

1. Do you nag? If so, be more positive.

2. Are you a workaholic who never has time to hang out?

3. Do you not have your sh*t together (I.e., no job, no money, unfinished degrees, etc.)?

4. How often do you have sex with your man once you're in a relationship? If it's less than twice a week, or if you withhold sex until months into the relationship, it's a big problem.

 

These are some of the behaviors I find offputting. Any one of these would be a deal-breaker for most guys. So ask yourself if you're doing any of these things. And if so, you might want to...you know...stop it.

 

don't forget emotional stability.

If she regularly breaks down and cries or drinks too much ect.

I know women like this and

[Garnetgirl89]

Maybe the traits you think that make you a great catch aren't things that men care about when dating. You look good on paper but something isn't clicking when they get to know you more. Are you fun to be around? Do people feel good about themselves when they're around you? Do you value other people's opinions?

 

Men aren't afraid of successful women. Most of them are impressed and find it as an ego boost that you choose to be with them. They do avoid women who are entitled, nagging, critical, or cold. Not saying that you're any of those things but those are often traits of women who share that mentality.

 

I recommend checking out the Evan Marc Katz blog. He's a dating coach that specifically works with intelligent, successful women and helps them understand men.

[longjohn]

I've dumped every woman I've been with since my ex wife and I'm probably going to dump another one tomorrow. Why? because some women have the attention span of a squirrel others just don't see why they can't be friends with their ex or go on dates with their male "friend" sure he only wants to be friends!

[Emilia]

OP, did you go to an all-girls school? I'm asking because I used to work with a girl whom you remind me of sometimes. I think reading your threads over the years has made me think that you don't understand men very well. That's not to lump them together as all the same but there are similarities and they have things in common.

 

Do you have straight male friends?

[Emilia]

I've dumped every woman I've been with since my ex wife and I'm probably going to dump another one tomorrow. Why? because some women have the attention span of a squirrel others just don't see why they can't be friends with their ex or go on dates with their male "friend" sure he only wants to be friends!

Ah, you are controlling. That's another issue altogether.

[phineas]

I've dumped every woman I've been with since my ex wife and I'm probably going to dump another one tomorrow. Why? because some women have the attention span of a squirrel others just don't see why they can't be friends with their ex or go on dates with their male "friend" sure he only wants to be friends!

 

I know exactly what yo are talking about and LOL hard when those same women don't want you to have any women friends and also agree 100% and have had to do the same in the past.

 

Also decided not to date women in the past for the same reason.

 

Too much drama follows women who remain "friends" with guys who are not friends of the relationship.

 

Ah, you are controlling. That's another issue altogether.

 

LOL!

[Emilia]

I know exactly what yo are talking about and LOL hard when those same women don't want you to have any women friends and also agree 100% and have had to do the same in the past.

 

Also decided not to date women in the past for the same reason.

 

Too much drama follows women who remain "friends" with guys who are not friends of the relationship.

 

LOL!

No offense but you complain about exactly the same thing: it's always the other side that has the problem. As someone else said on this thread, the common denominator is you. If you keep ending up with crazies and women you can't trust, there must be something you are doing wrong.

[phineas]

No offense but you complain about exactly the same thing: it's always the other side that has the problem. As someone else said on this thread, the common denominator is you. If you keep ending up with crazies and women you can't trust, there must be something you are doing wrong.

 

I never said i kept ending up with crazies and there is nothing wrong with my mental faculties either and trust has nothing to do with it.

 

Respect has everything to do with it.

You can point your finger all you want and cry "controlling" but the simple fact is among my social circle and family hanging out one-on-one is not something you simply do.

[Cinnamonstix]

Yes, the common denominator is you.

 

Please try to take what I say next and look inward. I could be completely wrong about you. But from what I know about women who usually get dumped, it's this:

 

There is something in their personalities that scares men away. It's not evident right away, but over time, these women come off as desperate or insecure. That is the #1 attraction killer. They will stay with men and try to mould them into the partners they want rather than break up with them and find men who are already what they want. In other words, they cling onto relationships that are not working. Everyone wants to feel like you choose to be with them for them and they make you really happy, not because you just want to be with someone and will put up with crap to avoid being alone.

[preraph]

I agree it's usually the guys who dump, although it's rarely a real dumping, but more a ghosting and more often a cheating.

 

I dumped one guy who was a stage 4 clinger. I didn't really dump him, but it amounted to the same thing. It became obvious I was going to see another guy and he got mad, but I would have had to dump him for following me around the house anyway, and soon.

 

I more or less dumped one other guy but his behavior was begging for it and all i did was call him on it, at which point he balked and I got him his stuff and got him out.

 

Usually it's guys just floating off to the next woman quietly seeing how long they can keep all the saucers in the air.